Let's Hear It For The Boys! Page 5

By StickyKeys Queer As Folk Episode 501 Aired 5-22-05

The Single Sapphic Sleep-a-way
Mel evidently makes JR use the downstairs bathroom, and jokes about how someone so little can make so much poopy. She envisions a career in law for her little pooper and somewhere LTG is hearing this and thinking, “Cause we’re filled with crap. Right? That’s it isn’t it? We.Get.It. Would you like some hubris with your hypocrisy?” He’s a lawyer, for y’all not in the know.

Jerrod: What was that about?
SK: I owe him.

Anyhow, there’s a knock on the door and it’s Michael with his SURPRISE! Come on now! Since when has Mikey planned a successful surprise party? Remember Brian’s b-day party, or the party he threw for Dr. Dave but didn’t tell any of his friends about, or Ted’s support thing, or anything else? Like, who keeps showing up for these things with good expectations?! Well, I guess the boys (including Ted’s new boy toy because what better a place for a first date?) and a whole bunch of lesbians is who.
Mel lies and says Lins is at the store with Gus and hightails it upstairs to call Lins. There’s some filler between Deb and Emmett about Teddy getting tubby, but apparently BoyToy likes em large and in charge, which means he must really like Ted because his gut has grown substantially since the last time we saw him. Emmett tells Deb he’s looking for a new place and Deb gets all teary about it. Lins finally arrives and when they come in Gus says, “Hi Mommy!” The kids leaning, but reinforcement for positive behaviors must be covered in a future lesbian parenting manual because no one cares. Poor Gus even has to look off screen to see if he did well. Don’t worry Gus, you did just fine Sweetie!
Gosh Lindsey sucks. First literally with Sam Arbuck, and then figuratively by busting out her and Mel’s marital problems. Have a little tact lady; at least accept the gifts first! Mel is not one to be outdone as she does everyone a favor in the awkward department, and divulges Lindsey’s affair. Lins says she apologized profusely but Mel wouldn’t accept it.
Mel says she wouldn’t accept that,
“fucking Sam Arbuck had nothing to do with sex? It was all about art? That all the humping was about form and function?” See, awkward!

J: Damn.
SK: Skippy
Party Crowd: Damn skippy.

Brian in Babe-ylon
We go straight to the dark back room of sex, but suddenly it becomes the well lit back room of sex and some cops rush in. Not the good kind either, but the real kind. It turns out that club has been closed and everyone must leave. Everyone takes their leave except for Brian of course, who is in there for a reason. He’s very diligent, our Brian. I like a man that won’t leave until the blowjob is done. Apparently the cop respects that too because he lets Bri finish. BriBri thanks the officer and tells him he’ll do the same for him some day. The officer, who obviously has no idea what offer he just received, looks less than impressed, proving once and for all that ignorance is not bliss.

Dungeon of the Disgruntled Dykes
Everyone blames someone and Ben tries to explain that they understand the ladies had issues, everyone but Mikey that is. Mikey is pissed and boy ain’t havin it! I like Mike’s reaction and Hal Sparks’ moral outrage. Mike is upset that instead of a loving, stable home they get complimentary sniping. This is followed by a supa fine shot of Ben. Gosh that man is good looking.

Ted’s Red Shoe Diaries Retreat
Ted and BoyToy (who is seriously the poster child for NAMBLA so we’ll call him Jesse McCartney) are eating pizza in bed and watching the silver screen classic, Grumpy Old Men. Sigh. I can already see where this is going, it looks like the Expo fairy is back from her vacation.
Jesse McCartney reveals his generational lust and Ted, while not turned off, is explicably creeped out. Jesse McCartney shoves another piece of pizza in Ted’s mouth and the look on his face is so good.

Deb’s Den of, I don’t know, Dingleberries
Emmett and Horvath meet unexpectedly in the kitchen where Em assures Carl that he will move out soon. He tells Old Horry that it will be up to him to keep Deb from buying everything off of QVC and may I ask what the fascination of women over 50 with QVC is? The fact that I know the words Quacker and Factory make me very sad. Horry says he’ll miss Emmett and with him having late nights he doesn’t want Deb to be home alone. He wants Emmett to stay which shocks me and Emmett. Em looks really good in those little shorts. He asks if Carl will mind his sexy love life. Carl has taken precautions and purchased a sound machine. All he hears at night are raindrops, and jungle sounds. Emmett thinks he should get one of those and make it seem like he’s sexin’ in the rainforest.

J & SK: Oooh the rain forest! The rain forest, the tropical rain forest!

Somewhere Bill Nye is just happy to be remembered. Emmett starts to go back to “Sean Honey” upstairs but before he does he tells Horvath that if he were gay he’d make one hell of a bear, and I’m inclined to agree. Horvath takes this revelation with a grain of salt and a swig of cranberry juice.

Deb’s Diner
Deb is back to looking atrocious while wearing a shirt that reads “Stop whining, you’re making the cat horny.” I don’t get it, but I know for sure that I don’t want to. On the other hand, she’s wearing a pin that I can’t read all of, but I can see the words BIG DICK, so I guess the two even each other out. Deb is Debbing on about Lins and Mel and won’t someone please think of the children and there’s this semi cute part (read: not blindingly irritating) where some guy asks Deb for a piece of Key Lime pie and Deb tells him to finish his meatloaf first. He looks so crestfallen and confused. It’s very adorable and not too heavy handed.
Everyone comes in and I notice a black chick in the background that looks like she was in Defying Gravity, huh. Well power to the people, I guess. Filling the quota and what not.
And this next part is just retarded. Like, we know Brian wasn’t at Mel and Lins, and we know he supposedly doesn’t care about anyone but himself, and we know that Michael wasn’t at Babylon, so why in the world would they be talking about the same thing? But of course they think they are, and it drags on forever and cuts abruptly and it’s really just filler, but once again, it’s Bri/Mi so I watch.
Brian and Mikey walk outside and it turns out the owner of Babylon wasn't paying his taxes and owes the IRS and gee, I wonder what Brian is going to do with his money? There’s some more crap about Mikey being outraged about Mel and Lins and then we discover that Brian knew the whole time and didn’t tell Mikey. Mikey of course is mad, but Brian says it’s not about him and it’s the circle of life.


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