Sunday, June 12, 2005

Dignity, Almost Always Dignity: QAF Recap 504 06-05-05 Page 1

by StickyKeys Queer As Folk Episode 504 Aired 6-05-05

This week's episode is rated: TV-MA DLS: GL, N, AC, SC. Let's see, TV with Men Acting Dickish w/ Lots of Sucking: f. Grating Lesbians, Narcissism, Abundant Cockiness, and Sexual Congress. Now that's the QAF I know and love. Bring it on!

But first,

a moment with Scott Lowell. We automatically know it's going to be a downer because Scott is sad, there's piano music in the background, and it's all very morose. It's about HIV/AIDS, and that's a topic that always gets me riled up. It's one of those things that's a living, breathing battle between desires and responsibility. You would think the answer would be so simple, start using condoms, stop having anonymous sex, but it's not at all. Not because the answers aren't there, but because people are going to do what they want to do, so the toll gets higher and higher. Scott says by 2020 the death toll could be 100,000,000. That's ridiculous! And it's something that could be prevented, but it won't. This is making me tear up just thinking about it so let's move on. For more HIV/AIDS related info, go to

Previously on QAF:

Everyone deserted Babylon, then came back.

Debbie left the diner and hired Rosietta to replace her.

Ted is getting snipped and clipped.

The lawyers work out custody arrangements for JR.

Credits: You already (spinny) know what (guy) I'm going (writhing) to say (hands), so I'm (Ben!) not even going to say it. Except this, GET IT BEN!

Brian's Loft of Lustful Lovin

"Reach out and touch me!" wails Marilyn Manson as we open on a pretty nifty looking sex scene. I would comment on the wrongness of using Personal Jesus as a sex song, but it's the Marilyn Manson poser de rigueur version, and it's gay sex so really it's so wrong that it works here in a "how many hells can we aspire for?" way. Anyway, it looks like two separate shots overlapped on each other so there are feet and legs where there are heads and it's very odd because there are like four people, but they're both Justin and Brian. It's very artsy fartsy and cool. At least, that's what I thought was going on, but it turns out it's just a big ol orgy. There was a lot of wondering about the placement of this scene right after the AIDS thing, and I think we are to assume that they are protected so it's okay, but it's still a little off-putting. This scene is ultra long, but kind of sexy... ish.

Finally they end, but freakin’ Chatty (the one on the bottom) and his man Cathy (the one being held) won’t shut up. They’re talking about Italy and how gorgeous it is. It reminds me of that scene in The Talented Mr. Ripley where Matt Damon is talking to Philip Seymour and he says, “I haven’t seen Dickey. I think he’s having dinner at Otellos, on delle Croce, just off the Corso”, and Philip Seymour is all “Bitch please, I am the Corso, okay?” So basically, Shut Up Chatty Cathy! We just got done bumpin uglies and now I’m tired and hungry. Go make me a sandwich! I have no idea what I’m talking about.

Anyhow, they’re all in bed and Brian and Justin are wrapped up tight, (because though I haven’t had it, I’m sure after sweaty hot sex the thing you most want to do is swaddle a sheet around your privates) and are passing the duchy on the left-hand side. Chatty Cathy say that Italia is the most beautiful place, not to mention the men. Brian encourages them to mention the men. Cathy asks if there is any Italian with a cock less than 8 inches, and I’ve been told by others that there are some sites that would answer no, but according to those sites, all Italian men are horny, gay, and ready to do whatever I tell them to. If I ever went on said sites. Moving on.

Chatty asks how long Brian and Justin have been together. Brian replies 4 weeks, and Justin says 4 years. Okay, help me out here. Has Justin been back for 4 weeks? Is that what Brian is referring to? Because in actuality, they’ve only been “together” for about 2 years, and even then it’s been on and off. Let’s see if I remember this correctly. Justin moved in after leaving his parent’s house, and he thought that him and Brian were boyfriends. Justin wasn’t getting the romance he wanted so he started to cheat on Brian with the Ethan the violinist. That ends, and they get back together and try monogamy, but it fails. Brian’s the one who can’t take it and they agree to be open with no kissing, and nobody more than once. Justin leaves Brian again for something or the other, I think it was during Brian’s cancer spell when he kept lying to him about trips to Vermont and Ibiza, but Justin came back when he found out Bri was sick. They were about to move in together again when Justin got called off to LA and now they are together for real. So all in all, not that much time as a couple. If you took the average of the two time spans, I think you’d hit the right amount.

Chatty Cathy tell them they need to get their stories straight. Justin looks bloated and says it's complicated and looking back at the above paragraph, I'd have to agree. Chatty Cathy thank Capt. Obvious Jr for that wealth of new and exciting information. Justin quickly changes the subject and asks how long Chatty Cathy have been together. Sticky Keys has a better question; why are you still here?! Cathy says 10 years and Justin is definitely impressed. Y'all, 10 years ago Justin was 11! How freaky is that? I'd also like to point out that 10 years seems to be the homosexual mating mark in this show. MeLinds, MontEli, and now Chatty Cathy, all 10 years. I guess if you have a system that works. Justin wants to know how they do it, but Brian isn't sure he wants to know until Chatty Cathy respond with, "Communication, honesty, respect, and a lot of fucking around." They expand saying "The couple that plays together, stays together." Brian agrees and says nothing kills marriage faster than monogamy. Actually, I think it's the lack of monogamy that kills marriage, but I'm just splitting hairs here. Chatty Cathy agree that monogamy is for dummies, they tried it for about six months but one of them couldn't handle it. Cathy caught Chatty cheating on him with a neighbor and thought it was hot so he joined them. Not that I read Meatmen, but if I did, this scene would totally remind me of a comic in there that was exactly that. Only it involved a hot painter, and a horny guy that got left at home alone when his husband went to go visit his mother or so he thought. Let's just say that the husband comes home early and chaos ensues! Or at least it would have, if I had read it.

Brian blahs about, I don't know, hung lemmings masturbating in the ocean and really if this is all to say that Brian doesn't like monogamy, then you know what writers? We got it 3 years ago, when Brian said, "I don't like monogamy." But thanks for the reminder.

Expo Fairy: Uhh, you need to chill, I"m just doing my job okay?!

Sticky Keys: Don't you have some vacation or sick leave you need to use up?

Chatty Cathy want to hook up with JustBri again, but Brian tells them about their "no repeats" rule. Brian's feeling lenient though, and decides to make an exception since there are two of them. I would tell them okay as long as next time they brought muzzles.

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