Let's Hear It For The Boys! Page 2

By StickyKeys Queer As Folk Episode 501 Aired 5-22-05

Barely lit Back Room of Babylon.
Oh back room sex, how have I missed thee? And look, black people! It’s like they took two of my favorite things and put them in one place. Brian’s cell phone rings and, okay back room sex guys, your rage against the cellular phone has been noted, please resume your previously scheduled sucking.

What bothers me about the whole cell phone thing is that wouldn’t Brian’s cell be on vibrate like all the time? Strange.

Well we see it’s Justin calling and I’m guessing he’s in New Zealand since it’s midnight in Torontosburgh and frickin’ four in the afternoon in “LA”, but there are naked guys so I’m not complaining. Justin insists he’s eating a bag of Doritos and reading the impeccably pronounced “Brothers Karamazov”; he’s a bit of a liar our Just- DICK SHOT! Uhh, sorry. While I won’t be counting sex jokes (because really, who has the time?), I will be counting dick shots because I feel they are not only necessary and integral to the plot, but hott to boot. So… DS=1.
They cut back to Brian who insists he’s reading “Anna Karenina” and eating Pringles and I guess it is true that once you pop, it is indeed hard to stop. Justin says it’s their love of Russian literature and snacks high in saturated fat that brought them together, and you know I love QAF, but hiatus makes you forget those little things that used to get on your nerves. Remember last season when they biked from “Pittsburgh” to Toronto and you knew there’d be déjà vu jokes, and the first few were cute but then it was like, “Dude, we got it BEFORE it was done. Stop.” That’s how this scene makes me feel because we know that reading Vladimir Mayakovsky and eating Funyuns isn’t what brought them together. It was actually Justin’s obsessive obsession and subsequent stalking that brought them together which I can’t knock since I’m doing the same thing right now… I’m just saying. We. Get. It. You’re just wasting gas here. We got the joke and we smiled, but then you took it too far like we never understood the joke at all and now you have to explain it to death and that’s so- DICK SHOT!=2.
Justin is saying something about pre-production being slow and how he has too stay longer, but I admit I’m a little distracted by the two honies bumping uglies in the background. I guess I’ll have to rewind it again, and again, and again. It turns out Justin’s going to have to stay 3-4 months longer and Brian is pissed, but of course he doesn’t say so. In Los Angeles, New Zealand sex is so much hotter than in Torontosburgh, and I’m not even going to recap what Brian says when Justin tells him he misses him because you’ve heard it all before. Brian is an island, he has no feelings, he never gets hurt because he never falls in love and zzzzzzzzz. We get it Brian. DS=3.



Boudoir des lesbiennes séparées.
Aww, we open on the most precious little baby ever! Ben’s voice comments on the baby’s big button eyes and dimples. We cut to show Michael, Ben, Mel, Lins, and Gus looking at Jenny Rebecca. My goodness has Gus been working out? That kid got huge! They lay the baby down for a nap, and Mike tucks her in with a little “Sweet dreams honey bun.” Which is just too precious for words. You know, this show already cuts a two-step on my clitoris, I don’t need it electric sliding on my biological clock, but whatever. As the group goes downstairs Ben teases Mikey about the “honey bun” comment and like, step off Ben! The only love greater than my love for you is my baby love and that is a losing battle to fight.
Lindsay’s hair looks horrible by the way; I thought I’d mention that. She has those hideous little bangs that Courteney Cox Arquette rocked in Scream 3, coupled with the newswoman’s bob. It’s sad.
Ben asks the ladies how long they’ve been together to which Melanie abruptly and hilariously deadpans, “200 years.” I love/hate Mel. It’s cute because it reminds me of Aladdin (“10,000 YEARS will give you such a crick in the neck, oy!”). Lins corrects Mel and tells him it will be 10 next week. Ben commends las lesbians for being such great moms and for staying together so long. Uhh Ohh, looks like someone didn’t get the memo. Actually, from the look on Mel and Lins’ face, it seems that memo was never sent. Michael and Ben cash in their foreshadowing gift cards and ask whether a party will be thrown. The ladies say no and there’s a twinkle in Mike’s eye. God, even his frickin’ eye foreshadows. As Mike and Ben get ready to leave Mike tells them to call if there’s anything they need. Mel is all caught up on last season so she doesn’t need anything from Mike at the moment, but tells him when his tits start to lactate to give her a call. Oh Melanie Marcus, 7 minutes into the show, only 2 on screen and you are already on FI-YAH!
They’re all smiles until Ben and Michael leave and then saaaad lesbians. Oh dear, do you suppose something’s wrong? Could that have been a façade they put on back there? I need to remember my phone number so instead of trying to recall this plot line, I’ll let the writers fill me in. “Well we’re going to have to tell them eventually, that I’m not living here.” Whew, there it is, thanks Lins and the QAF writers, another precious memory saved!
Lins turns to leave and Gus has suddenly forgotten that Mel is his mom too since he never even looks at her. You know, just because parents have problems doesn’t mean that the kids have to suffer. When I was little my mom and my dad would fight and sure she called him a no good, down and dirty, trifling, stank ‘n-word’, but she made me call him daddy and kiss him goodbye. Mel closes the door behind them and looks … sad.


It’s night and it seems another day has passed? Was that all that happened that entire day? Well, it’s night nonetheless and we pull up on Horvath and Debbie getting stuff from her house to move to his, but deciding that maybe they should stay at Debbie’s and zzzzzzzz. You know, Debbie looks really subdued here in the makeup/wardrobe dept and it’s a good color on her. It helps to tone down the crazy I think. What’s the point of this scene? Is it the writer’s subtle nod to the events of Debbie’s life last year? I half expect Debbie to be all, “and until my son can be legally married anywhere in the US, I can’t leave this house!”. Thankfully she doesn’t and they go inside to find three more of my favorite things in her living room. Gay porn, Emmett, and Emmett getting it but good on the couch. Get it EM! Emmett instructs his intruder to “Fuck me like you mean it!” and the guy seems to take the direction to heart. I’m beginning to really like Horvath and the expression on his face it just priceless. Sometimes I really love this show.


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