This will comprise of a weekly recaplet directly after the show, and then a full recap before the next ep airs.
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Let's Hear It For The Boys! Page 3
By StickyKeys Queer As Folk Episode 501 Aired 5-22-05
Michael and My Friend Ben’s Apartment
Michael and Ben walk into their building carrying a huge stuffed giraffe. We’ll call it Brittany. He says it’s a toy for Jenny Rebecca who has no motor skills, and at this moment can’t see 10 feet in front of her, but whatever. The boys and Brittany walk upstairs and Ben goes to great pains to talk about how a party next door has been going on all night long (yeah jumbo, jumbo). Mike and Brittany poke their heads in to take a look. I guess all of this is to show the poor living conditions, but it seems more like an advertisement for an awesome time-share to me. I mean really, those places sell themselves.
Mikey says the place is packed, in fact one of the boys even looks like-, and there he is, effin’ Hunter. The ultimate bane of my existence. I tried to like him, I really did, but he’s just such a prick and so obnoxious. We’ll see what happens with him this season, but I’m not too excited.
B&M yell at Hunter about, I don’t know, how they used to listen to ‘good’ music when they were young, and had to walk to school uphill both ways in the snow. Hunter has this awesome ‘Even gay parents just don’t understand” look on his face that almost makes me not want to smack it… almost. Ben tells him to ‘Hit the books, Pal!” and his dentures fall out on the floor. Like seriously, when did Ben get all old and stuff?
Evidently Mike is suffering from old age in the form of senility because after Hunter leaves, the conversation is suddenly about Mel and Lins. What did they talk about at the store? How did this not already come up? And where do they shop for groceries? Super Target, the mall, some weird Wal-Mart/Whole Foods hybrid where they have stuffed giraffes in one aisle and ribs in the next? (Tyra: Did someone say ribs?)
Mike puts empty cartons of fake liquid sustenance in the “fridge” and comments that maybe since Mel and Lins are too busy to plan their own 10th anniversary party that Ben and Michael should do it for them. This scene was apparently brought to you by the letters F and O. Which could symbolically stand for “Fuck” and “Off” as a warning to Michael against this party, but I’m not sure this show is capable of that so I’ll just call it stupid.
Ben and Michael get all kissy-kissy and I think Hal does a pretty fantastic job as a gay man. I only started watching this show because, well, Teh Gay, but also because I loved Hal so much from Talk Soup (shut up!) and I just couldn’t imagine him in this role. Now I can’t imagine him not in this role unless he’s on VH1. Am I alone in this?
Hunter comes in to ugly up the scene with himself and when he leaves again Ben does a little grabby action with Michael’s booty. Works for me. Aaaand scene.
My friend Jerrod is in town a-visiting and comes to watch the show with me.
StickyKeys: You’re late
Jerrod: It’s QAF, what could I have missed?
SK: Oh not much, dick shots, beautiful babies, awesome Mel, lesbian drama, subdued Deb, and Emmett demanding that some man show him what he’s working with.
So of course we have to rewind. When we finally catch up we see Brian walking around his gorgeous office with airplane tickets in his hand. There’s some sort of carb filled pastry on the table and don’t get me started about having to suspend my disbelief of Brian ever being associated with carbs, but I will make mention of it because where there’s pastry, evidently there’s Ted.
And there he is in all of his boring, boring glory. I honestly don’t have too much against Ted, and I think the actor does a really good job, it’s just, well, Ted. You’ll see what I mean. I’m actually enjoying his chocolate on chocolate shirt/tie combo here; it’s nice on him. It really brings out the pudginess in his gut? My goodness, that thing has gotten huge!
Anyhow, since TV doesn’t understand profit margins and actual earnings, we see Ted write an imaginary number on a piece of paper and ask Brian what he thinks it is. Brian sees this as an opportunity to propose their new Vegas act, Statistics and Boy, but it’s actually the amount of money Kinetic made last quarter. Can someone please remind me what it is that Brian actually does? I mean besides, sex, feeling sorry for himself, and looking hot? Like what is he getting paid for? Besides sex, feeling sorry for himself, and looking hot. The Exposition Fairy must be on vacation because Ted doesn’t say anything to the affect of, “well last year, after you stole all the top clients from your last firm and decided to go into business for yourself and turned an abandoned bathhouse into this kick butt office, you made a lot of money while working in the field of (whatever Kinetic does).” Instead he inquires as to what Brian will do with his newfound wealth. My suggestion would be to get it cashed in doubloons and go crazy Scrooge McDuck-style, but let’s see what Brian thinks.
Well, we don’t actually find out right away because Brian assumes Ted is asking what he’ll do with the dwindling of plate of bear claws. Being the giver that he is he offers them to Ted, but Ted was not talking about only the claws people, he’s also talking about the money needed to buy the claws.
He goes on to say that he cautions Brian against expanding just yet. Brian heeds him the same warning, and you would assume that the Expo Fairy missed the boat on the whole Kinetic story, but in actuality she was just down the river stepping on the Ted is Fat story liner that I’m sure will be the thrilling ride of the season. Well done Expo Fairy, you always keep us on our toes. Ted suggests that BriBri spend his dough on himself. He’s been working like Lassie’s son even through, uhh, well, I would assume by watching Ted that Brian had a Bewitched related crisis, but since I know he had testicular cancer last season, I’ll deduce that Ted was referring to that. Or I guess he could have been talking about all the work they put into their failed Vegas Burlesque/Magic Act David Cop-a-feel,
Jerrod: That was so wack.
SK: Thank you, I’ll be here all week!
Jerrod: You’re lucky you have Nebraska as an excuse to be corny.
SK: HUSKERS!
Jerrod: Aw shit!
I’m guessing it was the cancer he was referring to. Ted says that Brian should “Go all out, go buy yourself a toy!” to which Brian replies, “I’ve got dildoes up the ass.”
J: Why did you quote that?
SK: Because why not? That’s why!
J: Very nicely put.
SK: Thank you!
Ted suggests buying a new Ferrari, or a war hole to put in his loft. What? Like a literal hole of war? What would that look like? Does Brian even have a home this season, because I have yet to see him in one? And what does a “war” hole consist of-
J: He said Warhol you uncultured heiffa! Andy Warhol!
SK: Oh! I thought it was pronounce wor-hall?
J: Well, you would.
SK: I will kick you out my house.
Ted also suggests maybe purchasing a Lear jet to fly Justin back and forth from Los Angeles, New Zealand. And really, how much money did they make? And it was all profit? Are they hiring? They cut to this shot of Ted taking Brian up on his bear claw offer and it’s this really out of place, disjointed shot whose only purpose is to show that Ted is fat. And since the office used to be a bathroom, there is this tile in the background so it looks like Ted has taken to binging and purging in one place and that is just lazy.
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posted by StickyKeys @ 5:54 PM
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