B-A! B-Y! M-A! M-A!: QAF Recap Ep 503 05-29-05 Page 4

This goes out to Deb, the ultimate Baby Mama!
by Sticky Keys Queer As Folk Episode 503 Aired 5-29-05


Horvath and Deb’s House of Hissy Fits
Horvath is coming in from his shift as Deb is leaving for hers. She tells him that there’s some Sausages and Rigatoni on the oven and to be careful because the sausages are really garlicky. Mmmm, sausage and rigatoni. Could I put up with Deb for the food? I’ll have to think about that. They kiss, and you know, it’s old people and one of them is Deb so while it’s sweet, it’s also a little grody. He asks when she’ll be home and Deb says 1 am to which Horvath replies, “Good, I’ll be asleep at 12:59am.” He goes on to say that he thought when they agreed to live together, it would be at the same time. I’m suddenly reminded of the time when Deb learned to suck cock and did it so well that Horvath thought she was a big ol whole. That’s to say that Carl likes to jump headfirst into conclusions. So far it’s been working for him, but I don’t know how long that’s going to last.

Deb tells him not to worry because it’s not always like this. Horvath tastes a little of the food and says, “I don’t want sausages and rigatoni!” What?! How could you not want- “I want sausages, rigatoni, and you.” Ohh Carl, you sly dog. Deb says that as soon as Betty gets back from her surgery, she won’t have to do any more late shifts. I didn’t know there were any other employees at the diner. For a long time I thought that when Deb took a break she just closed down shop. This was also around the time that I thought this show was the best thing on TV and that Survivor would never catch on so you see where my head was. Old Horry doesn’t want Deb to work any shifts. Deb goes on about what does he expect her to do for money and when he says, “I have money!” she starts with the “I’ve never lived off anyone and I don’t plan on starting now! I never asked for anything" and blah dee blah”. Carl says she’s not asking, he’s offering and it’s about time someone did for Deb and you know it would be one thing if Deb were sweet and wonderful and gracious, but she holds you to every good deed she does.

I had a friend (had being the key word) like this, and one day she surprised me by cleaning up me room. Then everyday until the day I dumped her trifling butt, if she saw something on the floor she would go on and on about how long it took her to clean up. If we were out it would be, “Sticky Keys is sooo messy, it took me forever to clean her room!” and it got to the point where I almost literally tried to strangle her (I was restrained just in time)! That’s not the reason we’re not friends, that involves abortion, secrets, lies, blackmail, police chases, exploding cars, and stolen money, but it’s seriously a whole nother recap.


Channel 5 News Station
Emmett is at the station and he’s so excited he could pee! Oh Emmett. You can tell he’s nervous and it’s quite adorable. Someone at the IMDB boards said that it was ludicrous for a local news station to have a Queer Guy segment. I wondered about that too, but then decided against actively commenting on it because I don’t watch the legitimate news. Yeah, I’m a societal slacker. I had to watch CNN to see a friend of mine on there and I almost died y’all. Then he wasn’t on so not only was I upset about that and having to watch the news, but I had to look at Michael Jackson’s face a good half hour before I caught on. Such a sad day.

Anyhoo…

Emmett is very jumpy and he’s bubbling over with anticipation, but I guess he picked a bad day to join because it seems as though today is “let’s act like big cunty bastards” day! The way the crew acts is so unprofessional and the fact that they weren’t challenged about it is sadder than this segment. That said, I loved the scene. Let’s go down the list of anchors and see what Emmett thinks shall we?

Jake Anders, News Anchor: Emmett says he’s even hotter in person. Em’s really a generational queen isn’t he? I try my best not to remember George Shickle and his pickle, but this brings that back to me.

Miri Yamasushi, Co-Anchor: and really? That name sounds a little fishy to me, like it’s a merger of Matsumura Fishworks and Tamaribuchi Heavy Manufacturing Concern. It may be legit, but whatev. Emmett loves her hair and says it’s much better than the Lucy red curls she rocked during the Monica Lewinsky scandal. I would be upset with Emmett for busting her out like that, but if she really rocked red Lucy curls then Emmett did her a favor. Miri gives him a look that’s a cross between “Don’t let me meet you in a dark ally” and “Oh no she didn’t!” it’s too cute.

Bud Lock, Sports: Bud is gorgeous! He’s beautiful in that everyman type of way. He makes me want to bud. Sorry about that, I don’t even know what it means. Emmett usually reserves Bud’s segment for peeing, but he likes him all the same.

And weather man.

Emmett: JOHNNY MEMPHIS!!!

Emmett swears by him. Apparently JM said it was going to rain on the day of gay pride and Emmett was the only one whose herringbone survived the 40mph cold front blowing in from the north.

The anchors don’t seem too amused and this is just crap. First of all, this is the most diverse crew I have ever seen in my life. There’s a Latino, an Asian woman, a Black man, and an octogenarian, and not one of them can be down with Emmett? That’s just too dumb for words. I know if there is any sign of minority in the mix I will be there with open arms. Someone at Moldy Tofu’s boards said that this show hated straight people, and I think with this scene I agree. Emmett says it will be great to be a part of the team and Kent Brockman leads him away (I’m sorry y’all, I can never remember his name!)

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