It's Called Create-a-Bear: QAF Recap Ep 502 05-22-05 Page 2

by StickyKeys Queer As Folk Episode 502 Aired 5-22-05

Deb's Diner of Delicious Delectables

Emmett is at the diner with Ted and Mikey. He’s on the phone discussing the many changes to a wedding he’s planning. Whatever happened to Drew? The football player? I forget how that story line ended. I guess with a good reference since this weeding is for the channel 5 news producer. Good work Emmett.

The bride is sure the wedding is going to be a disaster and that prompts Em to say, “There’s going to be a disaster if she doesn’t get off my ass! And those are words you never hear me say!” Ted decides to keep with the disaster talk by referencing the Great MeLins Fiasco of 2005. Emmett tells Mikey not to get all worked up about it, but I say if that’s what it takes to put an end to Mikey’s party planning days then so be it. Deb comes over to deliver food for the boys. She’s wearing a pink shirt that has a yellow sign on it proclaiming Uranus or Bust!. Where does Deb find these hilarious shirts? Does QVC have after hours programming that I don’t know about? The shirt manages the difficult task of being cute and obnoxious at the same time, much like it’s owner, so well done subliminal department. I didn’t even notice you there!

To Ted she gives a BLT minus the bacon, lettuce, bread, mayo, and fries. I hope she gave him a discount for that. And I know I’m having a little Seinfeld moment here, but what is the deal with restaurants charging you for extra condiments, but not crediting you for taking things off. And what’s up with airplane peanut packages? I mean, who are they trying to keep out of those things? Sorry, I didn’t watch Seinfeld; I was a Martin girl.

Seeing Ted’s $6 tomato on a plate, Mikey asks if Ted’s trying to keep in shape for Jesse McCartney. Emmett thinks Jesse is just adorable, but Ted says he’s history. The same is going to be true of the actual Jesse McCartney so I say good call. Ted relates that Jesse liked to jack off to photos of Ted Kennedy (again I say GROSS!) and thought Marlon Brando had a few pounds to gain. Michael looks a bit confused because it’s Mikey, whose full name is Michael Exposition Novotny. His initials spell MEN y’all. That’s awesome. Mine spell SYK, which can either be “sick” like that’s sick and tight yo!, or “syke”, like syke! Works well either way, I’m all about options.

Ted fills in the blanks by saying that JM didn’t want another pretty face, he wanted some fat and age to go with it. Em and Mikey try to tell Ted he’s not fat and old, but the Unambiguous Fairy will have none of this “phasing out my job” crap and comes on full swing. He sends a buff, shirtless, pantsless, young man (who we’ll call Buffie McBigBalls) over to their table to really bring the point home. He yells out “Sir!” in Ted’s direction and when Ted finally looks up he slowly and loudly hands him a flyer and tells him KP: BABYLON! will reopen on Friday. I know our lovely fairies are concerned about job security in today’s fickle economical climate, but if Ted were really so old and fat would he be invited to KP: BABYLON!? Who are these promoters that Ted hired? They’re not really pandering to the right audience. To contrast, Buffie calls Mikey and Emmett “guys” and speaks to them in normal tones. Ted points out the obvious ageism, but instead of sticking up for the rights of those who are old and pudgy, Michael instead inquires to the living state of KP: BABYLON!.

Brian comes in to inform him that it was indeed resuscitated by himself. He demonstrates great knowledge of CPR procedures by explaining that he “put his mouth on it, and blew.” Somewhere ResusciDanny is soo jealous. Michael says that Brian should have used his money to buy a house. He says this because that’s what he’s doing. Brian could have donated his money to orphans with diseases and Mikey would still be all, “You should have bought a house! I could have thrown you an awesome surprise housewarming party! Do you have any Bible belt relatives that don’t know you’re gay?” Brian says that some queers prefer “dancing and fucking to kiddies and picket fences.”

Em points out the word on the street that Poppers is where it’s at. Brian informs Emmett that by Friday, the only poppers our H!DGB’s will know of is the ones they use at KP: BABYLON!! To prove his point, he looks happily at Buffie who has been handing out flyers in the same 50 square foot area for the past 20 minutes. I wouldn't get all excited there Bri. In a final attempt to prove her worth, the Expo Fairy shows up a shot of Ted eating someone’s fry. Because Ted is fat.

Mel’s Melancholy Mansion

We open on an adorable teddy bear wearing a pink tutu and wings. Mikey’s voice is coming out of it and telling JR that her Daddy loves her very much. Michael explains to MeLins that he got it at “a new place in the mall [where you] design the bears yourself and pick out their outfits and record their voices”, and y’all? It’s called Create-A-Bear. I have seen exactly 5 shows/movies in the past few months and they all have bears just like that are made “at a new place in the mall”. It’s called Create-A-Bear. Will Create-A-Bear not let them use their name? Am I going to going to get sued for typing it? Create-A-Bear, Create-A-Bear, Create-A-Bear. It’s great fun and it’s frickin’ adorable and my bioclock malfunctions and explodes whenever I so much as walk past that place and it’s CREATE-A-BEAR! Sorry about that, it’s just something that’s been bugging the crap out of me lately. Huh.

Lins thinks the bear is adorable, which Mel follows with an uninspired, “Precious”. Michael is a little taken back by this and Lins tells us that Mel is a cranky due to little baby cries-a-lot. Turns out JR has colic and has been up all night. I’m rather surprised that we don’t get into an in depth study of colic, but Michael doesn’t care about that right now, he has something to get off his chest. He wants to apologize about his behavior the night before and looking back he should have seen it coming. He’s sorry that the ladies couldn’t work things out. Mel doesn’t want to discuss Lins and her marital problems and if I may, I’d like to interject that Mel is looking rather fabulous. It’s caustic chic really. She looks tired, but she’s really complimentary in the color department today. Her hair is a nice hue and she has a nice blended tan happening. Like, not St. Tropes tan, but ordinary out gardening tan. Lins on the other hand still has that stupid hair and thus looks like unadulterated butt crack.

Michael says that regardless of their issues, the important thing is that they figure out how they’re going to take care of their child. I hadn’t thought about it before, but some posters mentioned that normal Michael would have done anything in his power to get the ladies back together. Knowing Michael he would have thrown a surprise party and invited Leda and Sam, but I completely agree that he would have done more about it. Then I remember that JR is Michael’s business, and Michael only meddles when he has no plausible reason to even be involved so I can see where this is going.
I love the look that Mel gives him after his little spiel. It’s all, “playa what? Our what?” Michael clarifies by saying they should see how much time she’ll spend with Mel and Lins, and then Ben and Michael. I was trying to fit a Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice joke in there but I couldn’t make it work. I’ll let you have fun with it. Mel ain’t having it. She starts to rant and I guess JR isn’t too thrilled about staying in Mikey’s ugly house either because she starts fussing again. Michael reminds the ladies of the agreement made that said Michael would be a part of the baby’s life. They throw around a lot of technicalities including sperm donor vs. father vs. dad, but Mel ultimately reminds him that this never included physical custody. Michael counters that at the time MeLins were still together, but since they’re not now, it changes things. And coming from a single parent home I can see the point Mikey has here. He’s just doing a crap job of explaining it. Mel has had enough and goes to feed the baby.

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