This will comprise of a weekly recaplet directly after the show, and then a full recap before the next ep airs.
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B-A! B-Y! M-A! M-A!: QAF Recap Ep 503 05-29-05 Page 8
This goes out to Deb, the ultimate Baby Mama!
by Sticky Keys Queer As Folk Episode 503 Aired 5-29-05
Debs Diner
Deb is training Rosietta who is doing okay, but is a little flustered. The Exposition fairy has weaned herself off of the Ambien and is in full mode as she fills the diner with the prissiest customers she could find. Well done Expo fairy, we thought you were gone for good. Deb schools Rosietta on the difference between a veggie, chicken, and tuna melt and Rosietta delivers them with ease and a little sweat. One particular customer is going for the Razzie in the best glorified extra in a campy gay drama role and informs Rosietta,
“I don’t want fries. I’m watching my carbs, bring me slaw!” that is layered in saturated fat and calories. Great substitute Dr. Atkins would you like your heart attack on the side? Rosietta gets a little flustered and Debbie steps in telling the Sultan of Slaw, “Well you’re going to have to do some extra crunches at the gym because we don’t substitute unless there’s a please.” The boy gets a little freaked out and Deb pulls Rosietta aside. She tells her, “Most of these boys are princesses, but every now and then you get a queen.” She goes on to say that this is a diner and you have to kill or be killed. Rosietta’s not sure if she can handle that, but gets a chance to prove herself as another customer wonders if he’s going to have to wait three days to get an order like the lemon bars. And in case y’all weren’t taking notes, that’s one of the things that will get spit in your food. Or worse. Rosietta looks to Deb for inspiration and Deb gives her the “kill or be killed” fists of fury. Now empowered, Rosietta goes and tells the man, “That’ll be a milkshake, and a bowl of chicken broth.” The man looks confused and asks why he would want that. Rosietta tells him, “because the next time you snap your fingers at me, the only way you’re going to be able to suck anything is through a straw!” Debbie is ecstatic and even utters the words, “By George, she’s fucking got it. Yes!” I expected them to jump in the air and high five while ending in a still frame, but again no such luck. These people have no idea how to put together a show.
Channel 5
Emmett has an idea for his next segment and begins to pitch it to Kent Brockman who we find out is really named Don. So, Kent Brockman it is. Emmett says he wants to do a segment on the serious fashion faux pas of wearing brown shoes with black slacks and how humiliating it is. Kent is apparently wearing brown shoes and black slacks though we oddly never see them. The Expo fairy must be back on the bottle. Poor gal, she is a slave to the Grey Goose and arsenic. Emmett tries to cover his steps, but it’s to no avail for it seems that his segment has been cancelled, or rather, they replaced him. Kent tells Emmett he wasn’t gay enough and the audience and the network execs didn’t buy it.
Justice League Headquarters
I know nothing about lawyer-ing so this round table confused the crap out of me, but after I re-watched it, I realized that this was the meeting before making the decision to go to court. Everyone asks why Lindsay is there and Creepster McAwesomeCounsel says that since the women are in a divorce, Linds wants to look out for her best interests. Bobbie Benton says that Linds has no biological ties to the child and McAwesomeCounsel mentions that the ladies were in a common law relationship for 10 years and even had a commitment ceremony until their dissolve. Mel interjects that it was due to infidelity to which McAwesomeCounsel says that Melanie also engaged in. Mel refines that it was before they were married. Some took this to mean that Mel was more upset that it was while they were married instead of it being with a man, but I think Mel is just saying what she thinks will work here. Bobbie Benton wants to know what infidelity has to do with being a good parent, and what does that have to do with Linds’ claim. McAwesomeCounsel says that Linds has a moral claim to the child and divulges that Melanie endangered life of the baby by over exerting herself during her pregnancy. Mel can’t believe Linds told the lawyer that. I don’t like this because the point of the hearing isn’t to discredit the other parents. I mean, Lindsay isn’t looking for full custody because she feels the baby’s life is in danger; she just wants to ensure some face time with the child. So what is this all about? How in the world did they think this would help any of them? Why didn’t Lindsay do anymore thinking about this? Gah! The best part of the scene comes up when McAwesomeCounsel starts in on Michael, “Who, let’s face it, is just a sperm donor with an over inflated sense of his own contribution.”
Mikey: HEY! Sticky Keys: Ha!
McAwesomeCounsel says that Michael lives with two HIV positive men, one of which is a prostitute,
Mikey: “an ex prostitute!” (Sticky Keys: Ha Ha!) “who was abused…" he looks at Lindsay, "by his mother!” (Sticky Keys: Wheeeeee!!!) I love Hal Sparks and Michael, and I’m not afraid to admit it.
Everyone is contemplative and they’re all mad at Linds. On the plus side her hair doesn’t look too awful. Sorry Linds. They decide to work out an arrangement between the three rather than have all of their dirt dragged out in public.
Gym of Golden Goodies
Ted is watching the beautiful babies as they walk by and guessing what kind of work they've had done. Brian wants to know why Ted doesn’t do a little work instead of wondering what work others have had done. Ted doesn’t see the point, but Justin offers health of the body, soul, and mind as options. He’s quick to add that this advice is not for him, “I only do it so guys can check out my ass.” Then he does this little butt in the air thing and let me tell you, baby got back! (LA face with the Oakland booty). It’s odd that in the top 10 things I love about this show, Justin’s derrière is right at the top.
Ted is still discouraged. “Come back to me when your 3-, 35 (he’s 38) and the sun has begun to set on your endless summer.” And we get another great Justin reaction shot. This time he kind of looks at his butt and is like, “huh?” You really have to see it, but it’s cute as buttons. Ted says he’s been working out 3 times a week for 18 years and mentally calculates that that amounts to 2116 hours spent in the gym, so why not have a snip and clip and be done with it? I would be inclined to agree, but Ted failed to mention that half of that time was spent showering, cruising guys, drinking at the juice bar, and jacking off in the steam room, so really the billable hours only amounted to about 6. That sounds about right.
Emmett comes in like a storm and rants that he got canned because he’s not gay enough. He looks totally odd and he has these weird Missy Elliot boots on. Emmett’s all, “Can you believe that?” and Justin has this “who dealt that?” look on his face and tells Emmett that actually, he seemed a little- but Ted cuts in and says reserved. Emmett says that since he’s a newsman now, that he thought he should tone down the flame a little, but Ted reminds him that, “They hired you because they didn’t want some stiff, boring, straight guy who looks like he’s got a poker up his ass!” Brian interjects by saying, “They wanted some gay guy who looks like he’s got a fist up his ass!” Do I have to start a GROSS! count for this series? Because I really don’t want to. Ted goes on to say they wanted Emmett. Brian pulls a little of his beautiful southern accent and says they wanted, “the queerest, nelliest, ho ho homo in the ho ho whole wide world.”
Previous Page
by Sticky Keys Queer As Folk Episode 503 Aired 5-29-05
Debs Diner
Deb is training Rosietta who is doing okay, but is a little flustered. The Exposition fairy has weaned herself off of the Ambien and is in full mode as she fills the diner with the prissiest customers she could find. Well done Expo fairy, we thought you were gone for good. Deb schools Rosietta on the difference between a veggie, chicken, and tuna melt and Rosietta delivers them with ease and a little sweat. One particular customer is going for the Razzie in the best glorified extra in a campy gay drama role and informs Rosietta,
“I don’t want fries. I’m watching my carbs, bring me slaw!” that is layered in saturated fat and calories. Great substitute Dr. Atkins would you like your heart attack on the side? Rosietta gets a little flustered and Debbie steps in telling the Sultan of Slaw, “Well you’re going to have to do some extra crunches at the gym because we don’t substitute unless there’s a please.” The boy gets a little freaked out and Deb pulls Rosietta aside. She tells her, “Most of these boys are princesses, but every now and then you get a queen.” She goes on to say that this is a diner and you have to kill or be killed. Rosietta’s not sure if she can handle that, but gets a chance to prove herself as another customer wonders if he’s going to have to wait three days to get an order like the lemon bars. And in case y’all weren’t taking notes, that’s one of the things that will get spit in your food. Or worse. Rosietta looks to Deb for inspiration and Deb gives her the “kill or be killed” fists of fury. Now empowered, Rosietta goes and tells the man, “That’ll be a milkshake, and a bowl of chicken broth.” The man looks confused and asks why he would want that. Rosietta tells him, “because the next time you snap your fingers at me, the only way you’re going to be able to suck anything is through a straw!” Debbie is ecstatic and even utters the words, “By George, she’s fucking got it. Yes!” I expected them to jump in the air and high five while ending in a still frame, but again no such luck. These people have no idea how to put together a show.
Channel 5
Emmett has an idea for his next segment and begins to pitch it to Kent Brockman who we find out is really named Don. So, Kent Brockman it is. Emmett says he wants to do a segment on the serious fashion faux pas of wearing brown shoes with black slacks and how humiliating it is. Kent is apparently wearing brown shoes and black slacks though we oddly never see them. The Expo fairy must be back on the bottle. Poor gal, she is a slave to the Grey Goose and arsenic. Emmett tries to cover his steps, but it’s to no avail for it seems that his segment has been cancelled, or rather, they replaced him. Kent tells Emmett he wasn’t gay enough and the audience and the network execs didn’t buy it.
Justice League Headquarters
I know nothing about lawyer-ing so this round table confused the crap out of me, but after I re-watched it, I realized that this was the meeting before making the decision to go to court. Everyone asks why Lindsay is there and Creepster McAwesomeCounsel says that since the women are in a divorce, Linds wants to look out for her best interests. Bobbie Benton says that Linds has no biological ties to the child and McAwesomeCounsel mentions that the ladies were in a common law relationship for 10 years and even had a commitment ceremony until their dissolve. Mel interjects that it was due to infidelity to which McAwesomeCounsel says that Melanie also engaged in. Mel refines that it was before they were married. Some took this to mean that Mel was more upset that it was while they were married instead of it being with a man, but I think Mel is just saying what she thinks will work here. Bobbie Benton wants to know what infidelity has to do with being a good parent, and what does that have to do with Linds’ claim. McAwesomeCounsel says that Linds has a moral claim to the child and divulges that Melanie endangered life of the baby by over exerting herself during her pregnancy. Mel can’t believe Linds told the lawyer that. I don’t like this because the point of the hearing isn’t to discredit the other parents. I mean, Lindsay isn’t looking for full custody because she feels the baby’s life is in danger; she just wants to ensure some face time with the child. So what is this all about? How in the world did they think this would help any of them? Why didn’t Lindsay do anymore thinking about this? Gah! The best part of the scene comes up when McAwesomeCounsel starts in on Michael, “Who, let’s face it, is just a sperm donor with an over inflated sense of his own contribution.”
Mikey: HEY! Sticky Keys: Ha!
McAwesomeCounsel says that Michael lives with two HIV positive men, one of which is a prostitute,
Mikey: “an ex prostitute!” (Sticky Keys: Ha Ha!) “who was abused…" he looks at Lindsay, "by his mother!” (Sticky Keys: Wheeeeee!!!) I love Hal Sparks and Michael, and I’m not afraid to admit it.
Everyone is contemplative and they’re all mad at Linds. On the plus side her hair doesn’t look too awful. Sorry Linds. They decide to work out an arrangement between the three rather than have all of their dirt dragged out in public.
Gym of Golden Goodies
Ted is watching the beautiful babies as they walk by and guessing what kind of work they've had done. Brian wants to know why Ted doesn’t do a little work instead of wondering what work others have had done. Ted doesn’t see the point, but Justin offers health of the body, soul, and mind as options. He’s quick to add that this advice is not for him, “I only do it so guys can check out my ass.” Then he does this little butt in the air thing and let me tell you, baby got back! (LA face with the Oakland booty). It’s odd that in the top 10 things I love about this show, Justin’s derrière is right at the top.
Ted is still discouraged. “Come back to me when your 3-, 35 (he’s 38) and the sun has begun to set on your endless summer.” And we get another great Justin reaction shot. This time he kind of looks at his butt and is like, “huh?” You really have to see it, but it’s cute as buttons. Ted says he’s been working out 3 times a week for 18 years and mentally calculates that that amounts to 2116 hours spent in the gym, so why not have a snip and clip and be done with it? I would be inclined to agree, but Ted failed to mention that half of that time was spent showering, cruising guys, drinking at the juice bar, and jacking off in the steam room, so really the billable hours only amounted to about 6. That sounds about right.
Emmett comes in like a storm and rants that he got canned because he’s not gay enough. He looks totally odd and he has these weird Missy Elliot boots on. Emmett’s all, “Can you believe that?” and Justin has this “who dealt that?” look on his face and tells Emmett that actually, he seemed a little- but Ted cuts in and says reserved. Emmett says that since he’s a newsman now, that he thought he should tone down the flame a little, but Ted reminds him that, “They hired you because they didn’t want some stiff, boring, straight guy who looks like he’s got a poker up his ass!” Brian interjects by saying, “They wanted some gay guy who looks like he’s got a fist up his ass!” Do I have to start a GROSS! count for this series? Because I really don’t want to. Ted goes on to say they wanted Emmett. Brian pulls a little of his beautiful southern accent and says they wanted, “the queerest, nelliest, ho ho homo in the ho ho whole wide world.”
Previous Page
posted by StickyKeys @ 4:46 PM
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