B-A! B-Y! M-A! M-A!: QAF Recap Ep 503 05-29-05 Page 9

This goes out to Deb, the ultimate Baby Mama!
by Sticky Keys Queer As Folk Episode 503 Aired 5-29-05


Woody's
Ben and Michael are at the bar sipping on some syzzurp and Ben tells Mikey that he barely touched his drink. Mikey says, “I didn’t buy it to drink, I bought it to stare into dejectedly.” That’s cute. I’m going to start saying that to non-alcoholic beverages, like milk and orange juice. Michael is still upset about the round table and says that Linds painted him as a pornographer sex fiend. He is, but he’s the pornographer sex fiend that cares!

Brian walks up and Michael tells him to eff off. Brian smirks and says, “Nice to see you too. Out enjoying yourselves? Although now that you’ve settled into domestic bliss, I assumed you no longer frequented such dubious establishments.” Like Woody’s? Woody’s is the straightest gay bar ever. On another note Angie Aiken and I wonder when Brian started talking like the Dawson’s Creek kids? Ben looks gorgeous and tells Brian that they’re just having a few drinks with their friends. Where? Where are these friends? They probably left after the whole Disaronno dejected death glare thing. Michael points out the key word there is friends, and I absolutely hate Michael’s beat around the bush way of letting you know he’s upset. I’ve hated it forever and yes, I realize that there’s a point when your friends should know when you're mad and says something about it, but sometimes they just don’t know. You acting like a little prick is either going to confuse them, or turn them off, but it’s certainly not going to solve the problem.

Michael conjectures that Brian hired Lindsay’s lawyer. Ben says that if Brian wants to pay for Linds' lawyer, it’s his money and none of their business. Brian tells him that it was well said, but Mikey ain’t having it. “The HELL it’s not. You’re my friend, I thought, my best friend.” While I hate Mikey’s beat around the bush thing, I love how he refuses to sugar coat his feelings. He’s done this a lot this season and I love it. Whenever someone recants with a, “Well, whatever you think is best”, or a “He’s a grown man, he can do what he wants”, Michael is right there all “uh uh girlfriend! I don’t think so!” Then he gives two snaps, a twist, and a kiss, and I love it. Brian says he would have done the same for Michael and Michael says that the only thing he can do for him is to butt out of it. Thanks to Kinney’s butting in, they now have to split custody of JR 3 ways.

“All these gays having kids, I’ll ask you, what is the world coming to,” Brian says as he shakes his head at Michael, “Lindsay’s her parent too, and she has as much right to share custody as you and Mel.” Brian takes his leave and Michael get his next best line of the season, “You know sometimes, I don’t even know who the fuck he is anymore!” The delivery and the emphasis on “fuck” was priceless. I like it because as I said, this season marks a volatile change on the Bri/Mi relationship front. Michael has always looked up to Brian and has always been the Zephyr to his Rage. Now he’s finding out that Rage is kind of a jerk, and not in a cool rebellious way as he begins to see Brian as less of a superhero and more of a man. The problem is that Michael didn’t fall in love the Kinney the man. It’s almost like he has to make a new start and completely evaluate what this friendship was based on. I’ve been there before, and it’s nice to see Michael handle this in a realistic manner. Hal Sparks is acting the absolute hell out of his character this season and I like it!


Channel 5 Bigots and Bitches
They are about to air Em’s segment and just before they yell action Em tears off his shirt and tie to reveal quiet the exciting ensemble underneath. He’s a changed man ya’ll! He’s out of his seat and walking around and being plain old fantabulous Em who informs us that he’s an expert in the four F’s: fashion, food, furnishings, and we’ll save the last f for cable! He decides to do an on-air demonstration and gets an unsuspecting gaffer from the crowd to pink up. The gaffer’s name is Clem and Emmett says he looks like he’s in need of a Divine intervention, but since she was dead, he would have to do it. I like that they brought Divine back up though I remember being very upset during that time because we never got to see him! It was around the time that Michael found out who his real father was and the story focused mostly around that instead of the drag queen who died. I remember at the time I said, the black man can’t get no screen time! Why do I remember stuff like that?


Em puts Clem in a cotton candy pink shirt and it’s adorable because Clem is really freaked out. It doesn’t seem that he’s freaked by being touched by a gay guy, but by being on TV in general, you know he wants to shout out his mom. Emmett pulls out a little electric shaver and Ryan Seacrest secretly compares models. Em shaves the guy's unibrow and tells Clem, “Welcome to civilization!” Then he sits on Clem’s lap and starts to play with him as the segment ends and it’s cute and Em-ish. Everyone in the studio claps and cheers for him, and Emmett is on cloud nine.

Melanie’s House of well, just pretty much Mel.
Gus and Lindsay walk in and Gus gives a spirited, “Hi Mommy!” Melanie finally acknowledges her son, but we find that it’s for all the wrong reasons as she sits him at the table and places a huge plate of brownies in front of him. Lindsay is of course upset and tells Mel that she’s not going to be able to get him to sleep tonight. Melanie says that when he’s there she’ll feed him what she wants. This is really all about the custody battle to which Mel says she can’t believe that Linds tried to discredit her. Linds was just looking after her interests and insists she was going to lose JR in the battle. Yeah, I don’t know how either. Linds is getting ready to leave and Mel says, “You surprise me, I had no idea you were such a killer.” Linds breaks down crying and says, “I learned it from watching you MEL! I learned it from watching YOU!” Okay, that didn’t really happen, but you have to admit, it would have been awesome. She really just gives a curt, “I learned from the master.” Which? Not as awesome. I should totally write for this show, then again being as my jokes only might be funny to people who get what I’m talking about, maybe not.

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