B-A! B-Y! M-A! M-A!: QAF Recap Ep 503 05-29-05 Page 6

This goes out to Deb, the ultimate Baby Mama!
by Sticky Keys Queer As Folk Episode 503 Aired 5-29-05


The Diner
Deb is holding interviews for her replacement and it seems that the first applicant left her good lung at home. She’s hacking and coughing and it’s really nasty. They’re trying to be cute here, but it’s really just filler that leads us up to Emmett’s big premiere.

Emmett is sooo cute. That boy could be on the toilet and I would think he was tops. He’s obviously flustered and very nervous, and there have been many opinions, but it seems he tried to tone down the gay for the viewing audience and went too far. I don’t quite understand his motivations behind this because we know that Kent Brockman hired him for his flamboyant nature. Some said that this was too out of character for Em, but I would like to remind everyone of the time he went in for the AIDS test, and then promised God he wouldn’t be gay anymore. So this? Total Emmett thing.

He’s wearing a black and white striped shirt/tie combination that’s not really working for him. I was under the impression that they had run-throughs before they just put you on the air. Why didn’t anyone address his awkwardness? Deb spots it immediately and says he looks like the Queer Guy for the 700 club. Ted, who is adorably livid, tells her to shut up. Ted just got a million points for me, but it’s to no avail because the points don’t matter.

Em starts out with a lesson on nose hairs. I had to fast forward through this the first two times because it was so embarrassing. Fine Bud Lock looks perplexed (and fine), and even Kent Brockman is all WTF?! The third time I watched it, I pressed mute and read the closed captioning. I turned up the volume to hear Ted questioning Emmett’s decision for his opening act, “Would West Side Story open with the Sharks and the Jets clipping away, would Fiddler... open with Tevye trimming on the roof? Would Phantom of the Opera-“

“Got it.” Deb and I both say. Then there is the voice that launched a thousand complaints. Sigh. Let me explain my ire about Rosie. Some of you may think it’s really homophobic, and for that I apologize. That’s not my intention at all, but I really dislike gay Rosie. You know what Rosie should do? She should try being happy for a while. I know that sounds horrible, but hear me out. Like you know when Ellen came out? Her show became Gay on Display and every ep we were reminded of her gayness and that was cool, but it was a completely different show. So the people that tuned in for awkward unlucky in love Ellen got awkward gay Ellen, and the people that wanted awkward gay Ellen got watered down doctored story lines. A lot of people didn’t know what to do so they stopped watching. Anyhow, then she went away for a while and came back as bubbly happy sure of herself Ellen and people loved her. Because it was new, it was exciting, but most importantly, it was something we could handle.

That's what I want from Rosie. And not for the disgusting, intolerant, stereotypical, happy homosexual reasons, but because you have to know how to work with people. Like pre-gay Rosie was so much fun. She had her talk show, and some movies, and she was funny, and you always thought something was a little different about her, but whatever? She was loud and brassy, but it was loving and very open. I think that more people would have been fine with her coming out, say if it were just exposed one day. Sure you would have your “but she loved Tom Cruise!” freak outs, but overall I think a lot of people wouldn’t have cared because it’s kind of what we knew anyway, but since we are receiving the gift of entertainment, we would let it slide. But when Rosie did come out, she did so with a vengeance, like she knew we would hate her and she wasn’t going to stand for that crap! "I'm GAY mother fuckers and you'll like it! YOU ACCEPT ME!" And here we are -America I mean- all, "Yo, Rose baby! Chill!” We would have accepted her, but then she got all in our collective 'derrieres' about it, and I don't care what anyone says, but that hurts if you're not given warning!

You have to ease America into any lifestyle if you want them to accept it, but when people think gay they don’t think of the people behind the gay, they think of the stigma of being gay. So if you catch them off guard they don’t know what to think. This is doubly hard as an entertainer, because regardless of if it's right or not, you have to make America think that they're getting something out of the deal. You can be gay, as long as you entertain us, but when you come out all hostile, and you give us Ich Bin Kunst, then that's two strikes against you.

That said, Rosie can’t act. I never realized it before, but it’s always the same. I don’t think she realizes that this isn’t the bus movie. I mean, it’s not as bad as the bus movie, but I think she’s still kind of in character. I can’t tell if she’s supposed to be shy, scared, or mildly retarded; maybe a little of each?

Anyhow, Rosie is applying for the job… in the window. She really needs to figure out what to do with her hair. Just in general, because she’s got a really nice head, just no direction. Deb doesn’t care about any of that though, she needs a new waitress so she shows Rosie into her “office”(read: diner booth). We cut back to Emmett finishing up his queer moment and Ted shuts his eyes and sighs, and Justin does this fantastic motion where he looks like he wants to say something, but has no idea what so he just doesn’t. It’s perfect and it cracks me up. Randy Harrison is excellent when he’s not talking.

Rosie introduces herself as Loretta Pye “with a y”. Deb says she’s “Debbie with an I-E”. This is only funny to me because every time I tell someone my name, I have to add the correct spelling. It’s always, “Hi! I’m Stacey, E-Y!” It’s become a little joke amongst my friends and it’s fun so I don’t get bent about it. Speaking of getting bent, go see Crash, it’s really good.

The notorious Deb-I-E inquires about Loretta’s experience waitressing. Loretta asks if waiting on her husband counts, and Deb says it depends on the tips. Evidently they’re not that good as Loretta needs a job now. Turns out hubby caught her kissing her friend Sharalynn (Cherylynn, Sherri Lynn?) and kicked her out, and let me just say Worst.Interview.Ever. I understand that we need an efficient way of providing back-story for Rosietta, but come on! I know this is a gay diner, and you thought it would be okay to divulge your sapphic side, but have some tact! Rosietta goes on to explain that it was just one of those things that happens sometimes. The other woman is married and has three kids so it was just a one-time thing. They were licking the icing spoon and one thing led to another and you understand how it is. And yeah, I agree that it’s the kind of thing that happens all the time, but it happens to gay people, because they’re gay. You really only had one spoon that you slobbered on and then passed to your girlfriend? Because that’s not common, Laura Brown, it’s lesbian. Like you.

Debbie looks amused, and Rosietta regrets saying all of that. She’s been told she talks too much, and to those people who have said these things, I say thank you. Debbie thinks that’s all nice, but cautions that it’s a hard job. There’s taking orders, balancing plates, and making sure the patrons literally keep their pants on. There was a poster that said that Deb was being patronizing, but I have to disagree. I was briefly a hostess at Applebees and one day they needed my help carrying out food. They put these mats on my arms, one on each hand, and one on each forearm, and then these really hot plates. I tried to tell them no, but they weren’t listening and pushed me out of the kitchen. I went exactly four steps, tripped, and food was everywhere. I was exactly four more steps away from the table and they gasped in horror as they watched me dive face first into their food. The point? Waiting tables is an art, and I applaud all who do it, and do it well. Rosietta says she’s a fast learner and that all of her teachers told her so in school. So like, 25 years ago? Those are going to be some hard references to track down. Rosietta knows that she doesn’t have much experience, but she also knows she can’t go home. To prove her worth she gets up and pours Deb a fresh cup of coffee. Deb smiles, she seems reluctant, but hopeful. Our Deb can be sweet sometimes. Sharon Gless is really an amazing actress. When I see her do interviews sometimes I wonder who she’s talking about because though they have a lot of the same values, Sharon has managed to create a being that can be distinguished from herself. It’s a feat that many can’t pull off.

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