It's Called Create-a-Bear: QAF Recap Ep 502 05-22-05 Page 3

by StickyKeys Queer As Folk Episode 502 Aired 5-22-05

The Great Outdoors
Emmett is still in the planning phases of the wedding from hell. He goes down the list of last minute items and Bridezilla decides she pretty much wants to change everything. Is this her first wedding? And it not, why didn’t someone smack her after her last wedding? If so, doesn’t she watch TLC? Someone’s got to tell her people. I suspect this is to set up some disaster at the wedding that Emmett will fix and I wish they’d get to the point cause this is thoroughly working my last nerve but… Emmett.
Mr. Kent Brockman has to go back to the station to receive a remote crew from Iraq (lovingly pronounced ear-rock, they do that so Pres. Bush won’t know what they’re talking about. Shhh, don’t tell!)
“Screw Earrock!” Bridezilla shouts. Her wedding is more important than some stupid war. She’s a bit of a traitor huh? She’ll probably serve French toast and croissants at her wedding, just to be defiant. I don’t know. Where were we?
Oh yeah, Emmett comforts BZ by telling her that he’s going to have a talk with God and it’s definitely not going to rain.

Do you think it's going to rain?
	Yes. It's going to pour!
	Yes. Even if we don't see it on camera, because this is QAF.
	It's only going to rain in Iraq, because SCREW Iraq!
	No, but only because I saw the ep. Before that though? Total dowpour.
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Can someone tell me what season it’s supposed to be? I’m guessing it’s fall, but really, who plans an outdoors wedding in the fall in Torontosburgh? Anyway… BZ earns her SAG card by going into a tirade about what color the toilet paper will be in the ladies room. Yeah. This scene is thankfully ended by Emmett assuring News5Guy that everything is under control, “It’s one of the reasons us queer guys are around, to help you poor straight guys, straighten up.” $20 says we’ll hear that on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy sometime this season, probably from Carson.

Brett’s Bodacious Bungalow
Brett is getting ready to go to Australia and Justin is going to take a trip to Mopeytown. Don’t bother with the souvenirs Justin. Brett informs his manservant Joseph (but well call him Alfred if we ever see him again, because we must) to pack swimsuits and T-shirts since it’s summer in AU. Isn’t it always summer in AU? Like, all year round. And I refuse to believe that Brett owns anything but swimsuits and t-shirts. Speaking of butt ugly t-shirts, it seems Justin has borrowed one from Brett. It’s an ad for a cab company with no innuendo that I can see so really, what’s the point? I guess commentary could be made about the relationship between the cab’s number (1-800-TOO-FAST) and Justin, but I think that’s a little beyond this show and I’m on a schedule folks. The shirt is ugly as I’ve said, and unfortunately a little too big on our sad, sad little puppy. Poor Justin, c’mon big guy, buck up! You want some ice cream? Ice cream will make you feel better. No? You want some Mc. Donalds? No? You wanna take a dump in Fedderman’s shoes? Yeah? Okay, let’s go take a dump in Fedderman’s shoes.

Brett talks about his new assignment as replacement Director for a movie starring Orlando Bloom. Brett Hollywood’s some more about, whatever, and Justin asks how long he’ll be gone. It will be about 6 months it seems, and he’s throwing Justin out in a few days because he decided to get some work done on the house until then. Then there’s this sequence where Brett is looking for his Ambien and when he finds it he holds it up and proclaims it’s the only way to fly. Thanks product placement! Brett insists he still hasn’t lost his passion for Rage and will still have his people shop it around. God. Brett says, “The gay crusader will not be defeated by some asshole that can’t see beyond the box office.” Yeah, it’s going to take a sucky script with crappy dialog, and creepy Conner to do that, d’oh! Brett’s hair looks like a moppet. Justin looks mildly encouraged.

Ben and Mikey’s
Our boys are packing up boxes and even though I loathe his presence, where is Hunter? They could at least pretend he’s at school, but then I guess Ben would have to be at work too. Oh well. Mikey is whining about Melanie, Ben is of course supportive, but says they should stay calm and rational. He looks a bit like Professor Frink here, if Prof. Frink were hot with the pecs and the jaw and the flaboyggin! Mike doesn’t want to be calm though, he wants to throw books, but then he realizes he throws like a girl and decides that he will be calm, and even rational. That Mikey’s a giver, let me tell ya! He doesn’t quite understand the meaning of rational though because he says, “There’s no way I’m giving up my kid.” Okay? Who asked you to? When did you ever have the kid in the first place? Whatever Mikey, whatever show.

Kinetic Presents: BABYLON!
So we’re at the club and it seems that they are going to open in a couple of minutes. Stuff is everywhere and Ted is trying to rein everything in. He asks some hottie to put some crates behind the bar to which hottie politely says, “Yes Sir!” Ted’s all, “Don’t call me Sir!” Cause he’s old y’all. Sigh. Emmett comes in and gives Ted a comfort kiss and let me just say how wonderful it is to see Ted and Emmett as friends. They’ve been through a lot over the last few years. I would think that after Emmett trying to be straight, Ted’s meth addiction, and then the dissolve of their relationship that they’re friendship would be kaput. I have friends that I can’t stand and our friendships will never be the same for far less severe reasons than drugs or homosexuality. So, you know, big ups to them.

Ted introduces Alonzo as the new club manager to Emmett. Emmett gives this little stereotypical fantasy involving palm trees and latin breezes, which Alonzo quickly puts the kibosh on by saying he’s from Trenton, NJ. This doesn’t phase Emmett who definitely likey-likeys. Brian comes in saying, “I haven’t had this much fun with a toy since my erector set.” And I would go on about how they need to quit with all the toy crap, but then Emmett says, “My parents couldn’t afford and an erector set so I had to play with the one God gave me.” Which, heh, and ewww. Everyone takes their places as the lights, strobes, and music come one. Emmett proclaims that it ain’t KP: BABYLON! without that “Thumpa Thumpa”. That heiffa stole my line!

It’s Showtime! They open the doors and only like 10 “friends of Ted” show up and don’t get me started on the ridiculousness of no one coming to the grand re-opening of KPB! “Go ahead,” you say? Well, okay. First of all, we know that the promotion sucked, but even so, shouldn’t all of Brian’s friends been there? Plus, if you call everyone in Brian’s big black book and only half of them showed up, it would still fill the club to capacity. Second of all, was there no gimmick? No drink specials, special performers, theme nights? Did they just think they would open the door after however long it’s been and people would know? This is not Brian’s mode of operation at all; this is embarrassing and I hate embarrassment. We’re just going to stop here, ‘kay? Even Emmett has had enough and decides to go to Poppers. I will note that the music here at KPB! is very interesting and I can’t understand a word of it, but it includes a very precise “mother fucker” at the end of each line. Nice.

I thought we were at Poppers for the next scene, but there are tons of chicks here so I’m guessing it’s a gay bar in LA,NZ. Justin is apparently alone at this club and "accidentally" bumps into creepy Conner. Justin’s stalking has become an art y’all, because that was wayyy to convenient. I’ll point out that Justin calls Conner “Con” and I’m inclined to agree. Conner has his own Justin with him, and for being such a closeted super star he sure is openly gay. Where’s US Weekly when you need them? “Con” asks Justin2 to go get him another Ketel One. Have you seen the Ketel One magazine ads? They have this page where it’s completely blank, but it has black writing on it saying things like, “Dear Ketel One drinker. Drink Me” or whatever. The point of the ad is that Ketel One is so great that they don’t need flashy gimmicks to advertise, but the irony here is that they use the heaviest weight of paper they could find so the magazine almost instantly flips open right to their ads. Sneaky, sneaky K1. It’s just something I’ve noticed. We discover that the point of this scene is to disillusion Justin to the chances of Rage ever being made. Conner says his one redeemable line of “when something’s done, it’s done.” Please let this picture be done.

We find out that Brett is working on a Mothra remake with Orlando Bloom in AU, and unless this movie is set in the 12th century and Mothra is a dragon of some sort I ain’t buying it. Orlando knows his strengths.

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