It's Called Create-a-Bear: QAF Recap Ep 502 05-22-05 Page 4

by StickyKeys Queer As Folk Episode 502 Aired 5-22-05

Deb’s Diner
Brian is sulking at the counter poking a muffin, and get your heads out of the gutter, it’s a real muffin. Deb pours him some coffee and tells him he looks like he threw an orgy and no one came. She’s a bit clairvoyant, our Deb. Deb, by the way, is wearing a yellow t-shirt with bright red lips on it. It’s not too hideous so I’ll let it slide. Brian makes some flippant remark and when Deb asks him what’s wrong he replies, “Guess how many homos showed up last night for the reopening of Babylon?” Deb contemplates this and asks if it’s one of those lightbulb jokes. Wow Deb, you don’t look entirely hideous and you’re getting some good lines, good for you! I’m sure you’ll mess it up before the credits. How many homos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? We learn the answer is 12, but we don’t know why, they’re such teases over at QAF.

It seems last night cost Brian $8000, and like, in what? What would you spend $8000 in one night on? And how were you expecting to cover those expenses? I don’t know much about the club business, but even if you got 100 people to pay a $25 cover, and spend $50 each at the bar, you still ain’t got no $8000! Whatever. Deb says it sounds like, “one hell of an expensive blowjob”, and I agree. Brian says that he wouldn’t have minded even that, but before I can give him my card he goes on to say, “Not one of them was remotely fuckable.” Deb doesn’t get where all the hotties went so the Expo Fairy sends some in to gloat about how awesome their awesome night of awesome music and awesome shots was. They tell Deb they were at Poppers (which for some reason is really hard not to type as Poopers), which Deb says is older than her. The boys claim that it’s the only thing that is, and Deb pitches Brian’s muffin in their general direction. She has succeeded in not making me loathe her this entire scene, you and I both know that won’t last.

MeLins DeMentia DeMansion
Lins comes in from the grocery complaining about a woman in front of her with a stack of coupons. She starts to pack up Gus who says, “Hi Mommy!” You go Gus! Lins asks if he had fun with “Momma” to which Gus replies, “Yes!” Good job sweetie, Auntie StickyKeys is here to give you verbal praise! Lins still looks horrible, but at lease she’s trying to do a side sweep with the bangs to hide their suckiness. She readies Gus to leave, but Gus doesn’t want to go. She asks if they’re going to have to go through this every time and Gus gives the great response of, “hmm”. I love it because what is really means is “Why yes, yes we are and each time will be more heartbreaking than the last”, but it still remains kiddish. I’m beginning to like Gus a lot.

Lins asks about JR and Mel tells her she’s been up all night. Lins says she can take her, but Mel tells her she can’t be up all night, go to work and take care of Gus. Hey! You don’t tell Lins what she can and can’t do!! Sorry, I was having a Locke moment. The thing I hate about this scene is they refuse to bring any other options to the table. Why don’t they switch for a few nights? Or, Lins can take JR on the weekends and give Mel a rest. It seems Lins doesn’t get any time with JR and we all know Mel’s not going to offer any. She’s a bit trifling, our Mel. The lezzies start to argue a bit and we discover through the opening of the mail that Michael has hired a lawyer.

Deb’s House
The lawyer Michael happens to get is none other than balls busting gay adoption lawyer (because gay lawyers are soo easy to find and have nothing better to do in Torontosburgh) Bobbie Benton. She’s done groundbreaking work in gay adoption cases and even took one to the Supreme Court. Why would she take this case? I mean, if she’s for gay adoption, wouldn’t it be in her best interests to take a project that makes the case for gay adoption instead of having a bunch of gay people fight against each other for a kid? Not that it won’t look great on her resume’ or whatever. Ben and Mike are moving Horvath’s chair and it’s actually okay looking, but then Deb Deb’s it up with a leopard throw. I knew it was too good to last. MiBen continue on about how they’re not going to let Mike’s daughter be raised by a couple of single mothers when there’s a loving home with two fathers. Remember when Ben almost cheated on that troll looking kid who wanted AIDS? Neither do I, just wondering.

Deb loses all her cool points and brings Teh Suck but good. When she hears the word single mothers (and apparently nothing else) she goes off on a rant about how single motherhood is tough and she had to make sacrifices, but she did what she could, and how they’re the backbone of the hood, and she thinks there should be a holiday for single mothers trying to make a way. And Deb is kind of proving Michael’s point here. My mother is a single mother, and I think she did a darn good job, but it wasn’t a favorable position to be in. I don’t aspire to be a single mother, and really, even if you were financially able, I don’t think you should. If I could go back and erase all the bills and hardships and sacrifices my mom had during that time I would, so I have to say that if it came down to being raised by a loving two parent home, vs. a feuding single parent home filled with stress, I would choose the two parents. Or at least try to work out some amenable compromise. Mike of course says none of this because he’s a frickin’ idiot.

El salón de las perras
So we know Ted is old, but now we need a bitchy salon employee and a snarky old queen to bring the point home. This scene is stupid. Ted goes blond.

The Great Outdoors
Emmett is going over last, last minute arrangements and the bride is freaking out! He calms her momentarily and a waiter brings over two glasses of merlot for the couple to toast. Yeah, red wine to toast. I wonder where this is goingzzzzzzzzz. Bridezilla stupidly and obviously pours it only on her blouse and proceeds to go bat crap crazy. Emmett throws on his fairy wings and snaps into action. He tells Bridezilla to take off her blouse and they run into the kitchen. So I’m guessing the guests are just hanging out, or they think they have another Jennifer Wilbanks on their hands. Did y’all hear that she saying the wedding’s not off, just postponed? Would you go again? And if so, would you re-gift?

Wilbanks Wedding Part Deux
	Definitely. Another free party!
	God no. I'm not that stupid.
	Of course, but then again I'm a friend of JLo's.
	If the groom is there, I'll be there. Just for the drama.
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Emmett yells at the waiter to give him a stockpot and two bottles of merlot. Now you know and I know what he’s going to do here. Because I believe we are cause and effect adjacent people. Wine is a stain that doesn’t remove easily, so if there’s a spot on something, it’s easier to turn the whole item into a wine colored item then trying to get the stain out. So with that logic in tow, we would assume that Emmett is going to dye the shirt, and that the bride and groom would get that as the words “stockpot” and “merlot” came out of Em’s mouth, right? What show are you watching? Because here at QAF the bride and groom think Em is going to prepare Coq au vin, because they’re friggin idiots. They yell and yell and yell, if I were Emmett this whole wedding would be wine colored by the time I got finished with it. Starting with my tongue.

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