Dignity, Almost Always Dignity: QAF Recap 504 06-05-05 Page 2

by StickyKeys Queer As Folk Episode 504 Aired 6-05-05

Mel’s House in the Middle of Her Street
Melanie is opening a letter and by the look on her face, I’m guessing it’s the letter outlining custody arrangements for JR. She looks sad, but is smokin’ hot in a Diesel shirt that shows her nicely tanned shoulders. Wardrobe is really doing it up for Mel, I’m happy about that. We cut to Lindsay receiving the letter and being very happy about it, and then to MiBen’s house where Michael is reading his letter. Ben is trying to put together a crib and claims he is but a lowly writer-professor, and not an MIT graduate. Writer-Professor? Aren’t we a little ahead of ourselves Professor Onebook Doesn’tseemtoaveajob? You know on Martin, there was always this running joke that Tommie didn’t have a job because no one ever saw him working. He talked about it all the time, but it just seemed fake. That’s what Ben is to me, the new Tommie. Ben starts cussing at the crib and Michael tells him he’s going to have to watch that potty mouth of his since the state of Pennsylvanada has granted Michael 1/3rd custody of JR.

Michael is still a little peeved that he couldn’t get more time and blames Brian, but Ben tells him that it’s not Brian’s fault and that Linds is the mother too. I didn’t really understand Ben’s position here. His allegiances are all over the place and at first I wasn’t sure what to think about that, but I came to a very interesting conclusion about Ben’s role. He doesn’t care. At all. He’s just there for the ride and he could give two craps about JR and the Lesbians, but he knows that if he doesn’t include himself in the mix, he’ll be forgotten. So he’ll throw in something here or there to make it seem like he’s actually thought about the situation when really he hasn’t and doesn’t want to. If that’s the case, then I love Ben more than I’ve ever loved anyone. It makes his character much more fun to watch if you look at it that way. The 2nd alternative is that he’s writing another book about this and will add it to the stellar QAF fiction series. I really hope it’s the first one.

Michael moans about having to split the baby three ways and Robert Gant reaches deep inside his acting bag with a priceless “shocked” expression. It’s really hilarious because it’s kind of out of nowhere. Like he said to himself, “Oh, Michael said something that he’s upset about, how should I look? Shocked? Let’s tried shocked.” Then you can see that he knows he went a little too far (I can’t tell if it’s Robert or Ben who makes this discovery) so he reels it in and says that as long as JR is cared for and loved it will be all right. This further supports my theory that he’s only half listening and I love it. He then changes subjects and would like Michael to help him build the crib before he goes crazy. Professor Ben looks crazy hot right now. Just thought I’d throw that out there.

Another thing of note in this scene is that Mel is upset with Michael, which is totally justified. Michael is upset with Linds, which is sort of justified. But Linds is not upset with her hairdresser, and that’s completely unjustified. I think Linds needs to rethink her loyalties.

Deb’s House of Unfettered Dinners
Deb is acting like she’s at the diner again and serving Horvath. She’s wearing an apron that says “I keep the best snacks under my apron” Oh clothing line of hilarity, where do you rest your head? Horvath wants Deb to stop waiting on him and pulls her onto his lap. He tells her if she doesn’t stop he won’t leave her a tip. She says it’s too bad because she’s expecting a big one tonight. Carl informs her that she’s getting more than just the tip. Sticky Keys smiles and throws up a little in her mouth. See what I mean? It’s cute and adorable and oh so fine, but it’s grody and disgusting too. It’s grute! Carl says the more he’s around her, the more he can’t keep his hands off of her. I’m guessing that he means off of her mouth, but he doesn’t come right out and say that. Instead he asks her if she’s bored with not working. Deb assures him that things couldn’t be better and she’s happy to finally have her life to herself.

Carl asks her what’s on the agenda for the day and Deb responds with a matinee, a Pinter play, and a little Mahler. Carl is confused (he probably thinks Mahler is a fish, it sounds like a fish), but Deb is happy that Liberty Ave has turned him into a sex freak and not a show tune queen. This leads me to believe that Liberty Ave is not only not doing its job, but it’s deficient. Every gay avenue should have the ability to turn you into a sex freak and a show tune queen. I personally believe it should be one of the requirements before you get listed as an actual street, how else are the gays going to know where to move?

Deb says she’s going to go buy some pajamas because hers keep going missing. Horvath confirms that he took them and Deb suspects jokingly that Carl has a little J. Edgar Hoover action going on. Carl says he just thinks she’s sexier without them, and while I agree that most people are sexier when naked, Deb? Deb informs Carl that his stealing her nighties is a bad case of Grand Theft Pajamas and she could have him arrested, but instead, she wants him to work it off. Grute!

Kinetic. Just… Kinetic
Brian is setting out some ads that look like their for the International Male swim line, but something tells me he’s still working on the Blue Rooster Chicken chain ad. Ted comes in and informs Brian that he stayed up until 1am working on some reports. It would seem he finished a week’s worth of work and was just, you know, wondering if, maybe… he could have some time off. This cracks me up because Brian’s face is just cringing during all of this. Like it’s an embarrassment to him. Brian guesses what the time is for and finally Ted says that he’s getting a small medical procedure done. Brian asks if Ted is finally getting that penile enlargement. I don’t know why, but that made me smile. Ted tells him no and when Brian asks when he’ll be leaving, Ted says the next day. My problem with this is shouldn’t Ted have given Brian some notice? Isn’t there a vacation request form that he needs to fill out? And since when has it taken only 10 days to recover from plastic surgery? Plastic surgery, you say? Why yes. Ted is having some work done. Well, actually, a whole butt load of work, including his butt.

Brian wants to know what Ted’s having done and Ted obliges after much hassling. I would tell you everything he says, but my closed captioning is acting all wonky; according to it he’s getting “bow dift, dfhek##$$@ 122 plasty quoo”. I’m guessing that’s not correct, but in this day and age I wouldn’t be surprised if it was. Basically it amounts to a brow lift and liposuction. Brian laments on the price of beauty and Ted elaborates that while it ain’t cheap, he’s getting a heck of a deal because they’re sucking his chin out for free. I just saw this Ford truck commercial and this Home Dept box kept falling in the back. The whole point was that if you buy a truck, you get some free package from the Home Depot. It’s just really odd, because if I want a car, I’ll get a car, but if I want a grill, I’ll just go buy a grill. That’s what this reminds me of because while the option of having Ted’s chin sucked out for free is nice, it’s not really what he signed up for, and what’s wrong with his chin? I happen to like Ted’s chin, but I digress.

Brian goes on this long tirade about whatever, and says he thinks Ted is making a big mistake, “not getting that penile enlargement.” Heh, maybe it’s the word penile, and the fact that I’m 12, but that was cute. Another mention, Gale Harold has way to many lines in this ep. I don’t know if this is the Emmy ep, but I need him to stick to one-line zingers, and looking hot.

Mel’s House of PAIN!
Justin is holding little JR and gushing about her adorableness, and I agree, that is a pretty baby! Justin asks if he can take her home and Melanie (still wearing that wicked awesome Diesel shirt) says, “Sure, why not? Everyone else is.” Linds comes in and stops short. She didn’t realize Mel had a guest and Mel says that Justin's not a guest. Apparently Linds is and Melanie insists she start ringing the bell. To be fair, she did ring the bell, and whose house is this? That’s something that’s confused me about this set up. I remember when they bought this house, but I don’t remember if it was just in Melanie’s name (which seems odd), or if Melanie was the only one paying for it? Actually, have they always lived in this house? Maybe I’m remembering the remodeling that led to the Leda incident. Anyhow, Linds has put a lot of money into the house and if they separate for good, then more than likely they would have to sell the house wouldn’t they? This is odd.

Justin goes and gives Lindsay a kiss and Randy Harrison is really short! Linds says she hasn’t seen Justin since he got back from LA (I’m assuming that was four weeks ago, which? Pretty lame Justin) and Justin says he meant to call but he didn’t have her new number. Linds says he could have gotten it from Brian (or Mel, or Deb, or anyone else they know). Linds has this, “mm-hmm, you got caught sucka!” look and Justin quickly changes the subject to Gus. Where is Gus if he’s not with Melanie, not with Linds, and not in school? Now there’s a mystery for you. Linds says Gus is growing as we speak, and I completely believe that. The next time we see Gus he’ll be played by Kyle Brandt. Linds says that Gus is even starting to read. The way she says it is really odd. Like her voice thinks she should be asking a question, “He’s even started to read?” but her face is like, “no, this is not a question, it’s a statement”. Go watch it back and you’ll see what I mean. Justin notices that if you go away for a few months, everything changes, and Melanie whole-heartedly agrees.

Justin changes subjects again and tells Linds that he’s fallen hopelessly in love with her daughter. I really like this scene because there’s so much tension and Justin is right in the middle of it holding the baby. So really, the situation reflects what’s happening in their lives. Linds bought a fleece for the baby, which I thought was some sort of blanket but is really a onesie, and who calls a onesie a fleece? That’s like me saying, “Hey, I bought you a cotton today!” and pulling out a tracksuit; I hate Linds. She bought three for each of them and Mel is not pleased. Mel looks a little like an elf here, but a smokin’ hot elf so it’s a look that works for her. Linds says they have to make sure their daughter is well taken care of and Mel says that because of Linds she has to turn her daughter over to some stranger. I understand it, but I still find it odd that no one has challenged Mel’s “MY daughter” rants. I wonder if Mel considers JR only her’s, and Gus is Lindsay’s, or is she just being technical? Huh. Linds says that Michael is hardly a stranger and Mel says he might as well be, “What does he know about raising an infant? She should be with me… instead of being tossed around like some fucking football!” Man, Mya and JR should have play dates together because both of their first words are going to be Fuck and You.

Justin thinks maybe he should go, but Melanie yells at him to stay and says that they’re going to have tea! Linds says that she’ll get the tea and Mel tells her that she doesn’t live there anymore. She goes on to say that if Linds had just done what she said they wouldn’t be playing this game of “Baby Baby, Who’s Got the Baby?” and in a list of games I play, that sounds like the least fun, and the least legal. Linds uses her height as an advantage to look dooowwwnn on Mel. She surmises that none of this had to do with the baby or the custody agreement, but with Melanie not getting her way. Now I would agree with this on some levels, but it’s kind of ridiculous here. This isn’t a case, or a project she’s working on, this is her BABY. Mel has always been over bearing and over protective anyway, so if you add something like a baby to the mix it’s just wild out of control. I can see the control thing factoring in, but I don’t think that’s what this is all about. Linds disagrees with me and thinks she is correct about Melanie just wanting control, “Well tough shit!” she tells her, “You don’t so deal with it.” The sound cue guy is really on tonight because suddenly we hear the teakettle start to whistle in the background. I can imagine Melanie about to blow her lid any minute.

“Uhh, I’ll get the tea,” says Justin who I completely forgot was there. That’s some good stuff there, when you can make me completely forget about other people in the room. Well done Michelle and Thea, well done. The camera sideswipes to Justin getting the tea, but stops on Melanie’s face which is just priceless. It’s annoyed and tired and hurt all at the same time. Homegirl is doing it here, I gotta give her that. Linds’ hair is getting better, but she still looks like Skeletor.

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