So That’s What They Call A Family: QAF Recap 508 07-03-05 Page 2

Aren’t you glad you ain’t that way?
By StickyKeys Queer As Folk Episode 508 Aired 07-03-05


It’s Not Your Fault
"Hey how about grabbing some lunch?" Ted sees Brian leaving his office and extends an invitation to lunch at a new sushi bar that serves blowfish, "It’s either the most delicious thing you’ve ever tasted, or you die." There’s a very cute part where Brian takes out his pen to sign some papers, and turns Ted around to sign his back. It’s pretty adorable and slightly telling not only of their current relationship, but of the bond they’ll be sure to grow. Nice job Subtlety Fairy, make sure the Expo Fairy doesn’t know what you’re up to! Brian declines saying that he ordered in, but Ted is persistent to spend some quality freakin’ time with Brian, "Okay, how about after work we go out, just the two of us, and knock back a few mango martinis?" Ted’s looking really nice in a brownish/mauvish shirt with a simple black tie and black pants. It’s a slim fit that looks great on him. He stresses that it will be just the mango for him and I wonder if Ted has given up alcohol completely. I thought at first that this had to do with his surgery and the tummy tuck, but then later I realize it’s part of his meth addiction thing. We may never know, but one thing Brian knows for sure is that Ted is up to something, "How much?" Ted looks absolutely incredulous, but I have to admit that I thought he was gunning for a raise too. Brian and I both ask, "Why else would you be threatening me with blowfish and mango martinis?" And seriously, what kind of combination is that. Besides, mango martinis are so gay that they swing around to being straight again, like Hitler probably drank mango martinis. Well, in between the crying and exterminations… moving on.

It seems as though Ted has good intentions, "Well I don’t know, I just thought considering you lost the love of your life, and your best friend. (I love how even though Teddy is trying to "help" he still kind of salts Brian’s wounds). Your soul mate, the yin to your yang as it were, you might want someone to share your pain with." Brian guesses that that person might be Ted? Ted insists he’s not the, "pathetic putz, lowly accountant whose sole purpose in life was to crunch numbers that I was you know." And that sentence just proved he was, but he’s "beautiful" now so I guess it all evens out. Ted continues, "I’ve been through hell and back, lost everything and everyone, so I think I know what you’re going through, even though you’re concealing it as always with the utmost skill and aplomb." I love that word now, because it sounds like a-plum. I don’t know, this ep wasn’t really boring per se, it just didn’t inspire a lot of words so… moving on. Brian thanks Theodore, but insists the only pain he’s suffering from right now is from his new Gucci loafers which are delicious if I do say so myself. Men’s shoe wear is another thing that has always fascinated me, but I think this time it has to do more with the man wearing the shoes. Anyhoo, Brian’s little ruse isn’t going to fool Ted, "C’mon Bri. You can’t fool me, (see?). You’ve got to free yourself of this burden. Release it, let it all hang out." So, much to everyone’s surprise, Brian does,

"My mother is a frigid bitch. My father was an abusive drunk, they had a hateful marriage. Which is probably the reason why I am unwilling, or unable (ooh, Brian admitting he "can’t"?) to form long term, committed relationships of my own. The fact that I drink like a fish, abuse drugs, and have more or less (CC fart) promiscuity doesn’t help… much (heh). As a result I’ve lost the two people in my life that mean the most to me." Brian is in a weird position with me here because I like that he acknowledges that he has problems, but I hate the fact that he refuses to take responsibility for them and actively solve them. Like his social life has to be total crap in order for him to realize it’s not the best situation to be in. Ted is a bit shaken, but asks Brian if he feels better. Brian responds, "No, but I’m sure you do." It’s funny because the only time Brian’s friends are honest with him is when he’s done them wrong, then they come out on their high horse demanding that he do right by them. So when someone actually shows true emotion to Brian it throws him of, and he has to hid his vulnerability by acting like a jerk. That’s my assertion of the matter anyhow. There’s a knock at the door when Brandon’s older even uglier brother is waiting, "Now Ted, if you’ll excuse me, my lunch has arrived." It’s a good thing he ordered his lunch in because I just lost mine, blecch.


What’s Your Party Line?
We open with Justin, Mel, and Tall Lesbian Corinne at the center making telephone calls. We get glimpses of their conversations and it seems as though Mel and Justin are having a bit of luck while Corinne is struggling on her line. I will say that while Corinne doesn’t look as unfortunate as I thought, she is sporting some Kahlen, the Head Louse hair. It’s just too much and is begging for layers. Justin asks his contact if he’s familiar with the legislation and Corinne answers hers by saying "That’s right sir, it’s the one that keeps gays in their place." Melanie elaborates that it’s the campaign of hate led by Rev. Fowler (Rev. Swineheart?) and the FamAm coalition. Justin tells us the same thing he says all the time, and Corinne says, "No sir, I’m not a cocksucker, I’m a lesbian." Wha- you know what? I’m not even going to touch that one. Justin says it’s not just about gay people, but about every American having the same rights. Melanie asks for a donation, and Corinne says she’ll remember her contact’s words as they’re stuffing her into the ovens. Right. You know it is okay to hang up every now and again, I wouldn’t make a practice of it, but if the call you’re on is a waste of time and entertainment value in my life, then I’m going to need you to stop. Besides, no one’s going to stuff you in the ovens when you’ve already hung yourself on the cross so Shut Up Corinne!

They all hang up and Corinne wonders if they get their lists from the Nazi party. I think she means the Straight People’s Association of Torontosburgh since all the straight folks (except Deb and Carl since he bangs Deb) are nazis there. Mel laughs and Ben (who seriously doesn’t have a job) shows up and hands them some lists. It turns out to be a list of supporters of prop 14 so they can figure out which businesses to target. Melanie thinks they should boycott them all, but then they see some of the names on the list are major corporations. Corinne thinks they must be raising millions and Ben informs that hate sells. He sounds absolutely delicious while saying this, I just thought I’d mention that. Justin yells out, "Jesus Christ", and Mel wonders if he’s on there too. Sigh. It turns out not to be Jesus Christ, but instead Justin’s dad. Yeah, you heard me, wonder where this is going to go?


Stalking You is Easy Cause Your Beautiful… Part Two
Emmett walking home alone at night. HE has the most adorable hat/glove/scarf set with striped colors and lots of sparkles. He’s also carrying a red man-bag that’s totally adorable. He gets freaked out by noises, and tries to tell himself to calm down, "Don’t be such a scaredy queen, no one is stalking you. Why would anybody stalk you? Just because you’re on the channel 5 news, and everyone adores the queer guy. Plus there’s the undeniable fact that you have an awesome ass." Ohh Emmett. Suddenly someone grabs him and pushes him up against a car and Emmett just freaks out, "Ohh! Please, please, you can have anything you want! Take my bag, I’ll give you an autographed picture!" Ha! First of all, I don’t think someone would steal your man bag although it is precious. Second of all, your autograph? That’s hilarious! Emmett is looking to the side and totally freaking out. I hope this isn’t how the guy I’m stalking feels. He knows I would never hurt him! As long as he never rejects me…

Emmett’s stalker yells his name and it ends up being Drew Boyd! For all of you not in the know, Drew is a pro football player that hooked up with Emmett last year when Emmett planned his and his fiance’s (Sierra) wedding. There was a lot of hot and wacky hotel sex last year, but Emmett called it off since he wanted more of a relationship then Drew was willing to give. I really hated that arc as a whole because Em wanted to go on dates and all and like, the man was getting married! Emmett was planning their wedding! It was a tumultuous affair to say the least, but I was happy when it ended. Well, Drew is back, and I’m interested to see where this is going. They get inside of Drew’s car and he tells Emmett that every time he got up the nerve to call Emmett he’d hang up. Emmett recognizes Drew as "The Breather" and tells him to do something about his sinuses. I don’t think that’s all that important right now, but I’m glad that Emmett’s looking out for Drew’s future health. Drew says it’s his allergies and I swear if they don’t get to the point!

"So other than the ragweed, how ya been?" Thank you! Drew hasn’t been doing so well lately it seems. Emmett can’t imagine why, he saw Drew play in the championships and then read about his wedding to Sierra to which he offers his congratulations. Drew thanks him, but informs him that he and Sierra are divorcing which is why he called Em in the first place, "I need someone I can talk to Emmett, really talk to." Apparently there was a male fan that Drew kinda sorta fucked the shit out of and now the guy has pictures and wants Drew to pay him off. He shows the pics to Emmett and what I wouldn’t give to see those! Even Emmett cautiously asks if there’s another set lying around. Drew snatches the pictures back from Em and tells him that the SOB had a hidden camera and wanted $100,000 to keep quiet. Drew paid him and for a minute I think about entering the field of professional blackmailing, but it just seems like a lot of trouble. This guy is greedy though and wants more money. Drew told Sierra what happened and she left him. Emmett expresses his sorrow at this news, but doesn’t see what it has to do with him, because just being there would be asking a bit too much. Drew says he needs advise from someone he can really trust. Em insists that he already told him what he should do (last year he told Drew to come out and reveal he was gay), but Drew insists he’s not gay. Emmett disagrees, "You know if it had just been about the sex, I might have believed you, that it was just messing around, but I know, when you kissed me and hugged me, when we fell asleep together it was more than just sport-fucking. And you know it too." Emmett tells him that if he can’t be honest with Em that’s fine, but at least be honest with yourself. Em gets out of the car and Drew looks like he’s about the to cry. Well, we know he’s about to cry, he shows his frustration the football way, by banging his head against something.


Let’s Get It On
Melanie and Corinne are closing up shop at the center. Corinne is complaining about how jaded she’s becoming, "how can you be such a bigoted, ignorant, asshole and still call yourself an American!?"

"And what did President Bush say?" Melanie asks which garners a little giggle from me. I totally knew she was going to say it, I just couldn’t figure out which political figure they were planning to skewer. QAF always keeps me on my toes, except you know, when it doesn’t. Corinne apologizes for getting out of hand but Melanie pshaws her saying that passion is a good thing, "nothing worthwhile every got accomplished without it." Corinne couldn’t agree more and tells Mel she’ll see her tomorrow and maybe they could get some dinner after. Mel's up for it and suggests they go to the diner. Corinne would like, you know, maybe, if they could, kinda, oh my gosh this is so hard! She fiddles with her hair and asks Melanie to a nice restaurant where it will be just the two of them. Melanie understands that it’s to be that kind of dinner and blames her busy schedule as a reason not to attend. Corinne’s been working on her courage all week and will not take no for an answer. She tells Mel that no matter how busy she is she’s got to eat. Mel tells Corinne she’s very persuasive and Mel never confirms, but she awkwardly (and adorably) makes her way into a table, and then out the door. You know if Corinne weren’t standing in the way of my MeLinds OTP (which I really just started to care about this season), I might like these two, but she is so I hate her, DIE ABNORMALLY TALL LESBIAN HOMEWRECKER!! Hmph, that will teach her!

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