Life of Brian: QAF Recap 507 06-26-05 Page 3

A Lesson In Standards
by StickyKeys Queer As Folk Episode 507 Aired 06-26-05

What Happens When the Trojan Horse Is Sent Back With Postage Due?
Ted and Troy are getting it on in Ted’s red bedroom. At first I thought that the opera music was just part of the soundtrack, but they’re actually listening to opera music. Yeah, I would have shut that down a long time ago. This is the moment I knew that Troy really liked Ted, because he put up with this crap. It reminds me of that scene in Jerry Maguire where Chet gives Jerry this tape of crazy jazz hits. Him and Renee are getting freaky deaky uh uh and suddenly Jerry stops and is all, “what is this music?”

Troy has a tattoo of something on his back. It looks like a spider, or maybe a character of some sort? T&T finish bumpin’ uglies and stare at each other “lovingly”

SK: Troy is sexy fine and I hear from the QueerasFolk.com boards that he was in a Disney Channel movie that I somehow missed.

Jerrod: Yeah, he was in that one about the movie theater that was haunted.

SK: Was that a Halloween one? Because while I love Disney Channel movies, I have no tolerance for the Halloween ones.

Jerrod: Yeah, I think he worked concessions or some shit like that. They had a marathon and I had to watch the whole thing with JoJo (Jerrod’s little brother who is pure goodness rolled up in fluff and love. I really hope that kid never acts out because he is perfection now).

Nina: How do you go from Disney to Showtime?

SK: I find it oddly appropriate that Disney is the birthplace of freaks. They should set up some sort of catch and release program with Showtime, can you imagine the cross-over potential? Y’all know Rick Ullman is just itching for a cameo of Justin’s next lover.

Jerrod: Ha! Phil of the Future taking it up the ass!

SK: Do y’all like Ted’s bedroom? It just seems so intense to me, like how does he sleep?

Nina: I can’t stand that shit. It would weird me out to have my ass in the air and all this red around.

Jerrod: You’d probably think you were bleeding just from looking at the walls.

SK: You know how when girls hang out their periods all run together? I think the same is true of this room.

Nina: Yeah.

Jerrod: What?


You Better Get. That. Dirt Off Your Shoulder
“So did you fuck him over?” Emmett asks Ted. Our boys (and Brian) are at the gym getting a major workout of their mandibles,
“I fucked him over the couch, over the kitchen counter, over the coffee table.” Ted says, obviously pleased with himself. Brian smiles a little and asks Ted,
“Who do you think you are Theodore, Me?” I wanted Ted to say, “or Brandon”, but no such luck. That would have been awesome though, just to see the look on Brian’s face. Ted admits that he was pretty impressive, but Emmett still hasn’t heard the answer to his question, “But after you plowed him so deep you could plant corn…” Ha! All of us Nebraskans cracked up at the new potential meaning of “cornhusker”, and the beautifully priceless Brian reaction look. That was our first official guffaw of the evening, “That’s when you really gave it to him right?” Ted gives a look that obviously means no, “Right?” Emmett presses, “Teddy?” Ted says that he hasn’t yet, “Why rush it? It’s all so delicious.” Emmett looks all indignant, “Have you forgotten what that person did to you?” I love how at first Em told him to just let it go, but now he’s all “Screw his balls to the wall!” I think it’s because Emmett was against this plan to begin with, but now that he’s been forced to be a part of it, he wants it seen through. I’m a lot like Emmett that way. Emmett asks if Ted remembers how Troy humiliated him. Brian refreshes Ted’s drink with a slightly southern, “Aunt Pity Fuck”. You so know Brian started that.

Ted tries to cover himself with a “Thanks for the memories, that’s why I’m waiting for the exact right moment when the revelation of who I am will have maximum impact”, but I don’t quite see how that will work. So like, at the end of one of your sessions you’ll be like, “I’m Aunt Pity fuck.”, and Troy would be like, “Oh, okay. Fuck me.”
“Yeah, I know you feel bad.”
“No. Fuck me. Now.”
“Uh, okay.” And the cycle would continue until, I don’t know, forever? I just don’t understand Ted’s so called strategy if he didn’t do it right away. It’s a very stupid story line to begin with and the only thing that makes it worthwhile is the fact that we get to see a Disney kid in Kama Sutra position #654. It’s worth it I think, but that’s later.

Perhaps I should explain the set up of this scene a bit. Ted is sitting on some weight machine lifting with Brian standing on Ted’s right side, and Emmett on the left. Both Emmett and Brian are wearing black with some obvious red accents which I’m sure has some sort of meaning, but I can’t quite figure out what. Emmett is about to say something, but Brian asks to interject a word or two. “They say revenge is a dish best served cold, but in this particular instance it’s a dish best served hot and hard, and as many times as possible.” Emmett scoffs at this and says that Ted has served it as many times as McDonalds. Heh.

We get a closeup of Ted with Emmett and Brian talking and it turns into an inner dialogue of sorts. “Remember your plan, your strategy.” Then we get a shot of Ted blurred, with Emmett and Brian in focus (in the mirror) as good and evil on Ted’s shoulders. This is actually a pretty creative effect on the director’s behalf, but I think it would have been nicer if they could get some of the extras out of the way. Emmett tells Ted to screw his courage to the sticking place. I have no idea what that means, or rather, I understand the gist of it, but have no idea what it’s origins are. If anyone else knows holla at your girl!

Brian says to just screw, and Ted looks more and more confused.

Jerrod: Why do people keep listening to Brian’s ass?

SK: I know! I mean, don’t they know that he doesn’t really care about any of them except Mikey and maybe Justin? It just seems so odd that they follow his advice, get horrible embarrassed, and then give him credit for changing their lives. He’s like the worst friend ever.

Nina: But he’s fine and rich.

SK & Jerrod: Well there’s that.


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