So That’s What They Call A Family: QAF Recap 508 07-03-05 Page 5

Aren’t you glad you ain’t that way?
By StickyKeys Queer As Folk Episode 508 Aired 07-03-05


Jail house Rock
Justin, Jennifer, and Ben are leaving the jailhouse after bailing Justin out. It’s pretty late in the evening and I think it’s funny that they made him sit there for so long. Justin thanks his mother for bailing him out, "When I taught you to say please and thank you, I never quite expected to hear it used that way." Heh, Jen sound like a bad lesbian comedian circa 1992 (Am I right ladies, am I right?). Justin thanks ben too who has no purpose being there other than to exposit and draw parallels between his own style of parenting and Craig’s. Ben says anytime, then takes it back, "Let’s hope it’s the last time." Jen assures him that it will indeed be the last time, "I’m going to have a few words with your father starting with you sick, son of a bitch!" Jen must have taken some stand up lessons during her hiatus. She’s having some very Valerie Cherish movements. Justin tells Jen not to waste her breath. Ben shakes his head, "I can’t believe a father would actually have his own son arrested." Poor diluted, missing Hunter Ben. Jen says that obviously Ben hasn’t had the displeasure of meeting her ex-husband. Hey, where’s Molly? When she was having her birthday party in season one it was her 10th right. Why is this 14 year old girl being left all alone all the time. I bet that Daphne’s babysitting her, poor underpaid Daphne. Justin says, "I used to think in time he would come around, but now I think that he would rather see me dead than gay." Ben says, "Your dad doesn’t know how luck he is to have a son." I laugh out loud at the fact that Ben didn’t say, "like you." Heh. Justin smiles and gives a little head tilt, but I choose to interpret it as an ,"aww, that’s sa- Hey!" look. He offers to go get the car to give Jen and Justin some time together. Jen turns to Justin and tells him that even though Craig may no longer consider him his son, that he will always be hers. Justin sees this as an opportunity to get validation and fakely apologizes for "fucking things up." He explains that Craig told him that he was the reason for their marriage failures. Jen says it’s not true and that if he wants to lie to himself and blame Justin to let him, but don’t let Justin blame himself. They exchange hugsies and lovesies and walk across the street.


Flowers in the Attic
Lindsay and Brian are in Linds’ attic room folding up wrinkled clothing. Linds is too distracted to think about this though since she’s still reeling from MelRinne’s kiss the night before. "It was so horrible, seeing Mel kissing that woman." (I must note that Linds’ hair is back from the edge and on its meds again.) While I just stood there holding the garbage." Brians thinks this is shocking, but not because Corinne was kissing me, that anyone would want to kiss Mel. Brian starts to walk away and hits his head into the ceiling rafter. He cries out in pain and I laugh forever. I don’t know if that was intentional, or if they were just improvising, but it’s pretty good stuff. Linds tells Brian he deserved that and asks if he wants her to rub the boo boo and make it better. Brian massages his head (not that one) and says, "You leave my boo boo alone." Heh, I usually can’t stand Linds unless she’s with Brian, they have the oddest connection.
Brian laments about the state of Lindsay’s living quarters and Linds tells him that there’s no other options that make sense at the moment. She’s using the financial reasons card for this game and Brian brings up the emotional expense reason, "What’s next, you come in on them fucking?" Linds tries to hush him, and Brian surmises that maybe Linds can’t face it, "No I can’t face it. I guess when I moved back into this house I thought despite what I knew, despite the rules, somehow Mel and I would-" Brian finishes for her, "Get back together. You dykes just can’t let go can you?" Linds and I give him a mean glare. "Just can’t get it through your lesbionic brains that you have to stop clinging to your past and move on." Huh, well isn’t that the pot calling the kettle an emotionally stunted drugged up commitment phobic over-aged club boy? Lindsay agrees, "Move on? That’s a good one coming from you. Carrying on like an oversexed adolescent, that fuck off of yours?" I guess it is old news. Maybe it’s because I don’t subscribe to World Now? Linds says that it’s a childish competition and, "Not only is it ludicrous, it’s humiliating." I love how Linds says humiliating, like it should be followed with, "You make me wanna wretch!" and then a little spit just to bring the point home. I’m telling you, if I wrote for this show it would be on for 10 more seasons! Linds continues to get all up in Brian’s ass, "Well I hope you win, although you’ve already lost something far more valuable. So don’t you tell me about clinging on to my past until your willing to let go of yours." Again, it’s funny how they only snap at Brian when it’s insulting to them, and not just in general. Ah well, moving on.


Ease on Down The Road
Horvath and Deb are watching some cop show on TV. We find out late it’s CSI, but I realize I still don’t care. This scene is utter boredom where they talk about how only on TV are there supermodels on the force who can solve crimes in 60 minutes. Deb says that’s why there’s no CSI: Torontosburgh. I’m sorry, but if there were, I think I would have to watch every minute. But only if they did a spin-off called CSI: Liberty Avenue. That would rule! The doorbell rings and Deb makes Carl get the door so she can watch TV. Carl opens it to fins to his surprise and delight it’s Drew "Likes Boys" Boyd! Then we get the best lines of the night. Carl pats Drew on the back and says, "Drew Boyd, we met you last year at the game." Drew remembers and recalls that he was with, "this loud woman with red hair." Deb throws up her hand and identifies it as being her. Heh. That’s not the best part though, it’s coming. So Drew asks for Emmett and Deb yells for him as Carl invites him inside, and here’s the most awesome set of lines ever,

Carl: "Look, I just want you to know, I don’t care what you do in bed, or who you do it with, you’re still one hell of a ball player."
Drew: "You have no idea how sorry I am you had to say that." HA! That’s great! I have to remember to use that in real life, "but how glad I am you did." Aww, little Cannuck! Emmett comes downstairs and asks Deb if she called him and we get this fun zoom on Emmett, and then a zoom on Drew. It’s adorable. How does Drew know where Emmett lives? Huh. Drew looks insanely happy to see Emmett and Emmett’s happy too. I used to hate this couple, and I still have my reservations for reasons I’ll probably have to hit on in the next ep, but I’m loving them now, so cute.


Define... Dating
Mel is cutting up something and asks Linds if she wants some to which Linds replies no. After some awkwardness, Mel says, "Linds I’m so sorry for that kiss with Corinne that you had to see it, that we did it, right in front of you." Linds decides to shake it off and tells Mel not to give it another thought. Mel thinks they should do something about it and suggests that if they’re dating someone-

"You’re dating her?" Linds asks surprised. Mel doesn’t really know, she doesn’t think so, "but you’re seeing her?" Mel again doesn’t think so, but that’s not the point. This is a cute little scene were they just keep talking over each other and bumping into things. It’s very nice, and telling of their relationship. Mel suggests that if there’s anyone that either of them are interested in that they make it a rule not to bring that person to the house. Linds agrees and Mel is happy to not that they can work these things out like adults, "All we need is communication." They thank the most high for His mighty blessings of wisdom, but you can see a bit of hesitation on both of their parts.


You’re the Wiener
We open in Brian’s loft where we hear the whir of the elevator, and then a knock at the door. Brian lugs open his loft door to find Brandon looking less than amused, "You can have my ass, but you can’t have me." Well duh, no one wants you Brandon. Your number 9 didn’t even have the decency to tell you he was already Brian’s manhole number 5! Brian smirks a little and tells Brandon he is defiant even in defeat, "I like that." Brian lets Brandon in and it cracks me up how Brian looks around like he’s never seen the loft before. He’s probably looking at the liberty bike hanging on the wall and thinking about all the ball busting good times he had on it. Scruffy Jesus Bale obligatorily tells Brian he has a nice place, then says, "So, SHALL we get this over with?" Heh, he says it real hoity toity like, you know the type. Brian points the way to his banging bedroom. Brandon has but one request for Brian, "Just go slow, and take it easy, I don’t bottom very often." Please, he had me fooled, but I did think that was adorable so whatever. Please don’t hurt me. Anyhow, after Brandon expresses his fears of playing catcher, Brian says, "Well you’ll have to tell me all about it." Well that’s not right at all Brian. Remember when Justin turned you over? Huh? Oh, you were trying to make a point? My bad man, I just didn’t want you to forget about that time that Justin made you take it up the ass. Right before he left you for Ethan? Remember that? Remember Ethan, the little scruffy violin player that romanced Justin in ways you didn’t know how? Yeah, Justin made you take it up the butt, and then left you for him. I remember it clearly, I have the DVD’s. Hey! Don’t tell me to shut up! Brian pours himself a shot and downs it while Brandon undresses. I love that Brian has track lighting under his bed. Brandon has a cute little tush, but it could use some toning and some tanning. He stand in front of Brian and extends his arms, "Well, is it all you dreamt it would be?"

"And less," Brian replies. HA HA!! That’s great. He continues, "but, we’ll make do." Brandon lays on his stomach and his cheeks (the other ones) clench a little bit in anticipation. Brian hesitates and Brandon asks if he’s going to collect his prize. Brian informs Brandon that it’s not much of a victory considering his years of experience and expertise. Then Brandon gets real bitter and somber and says, "Your years are numbered, eventually I’m going to tear you down and pull you apart." You know, I would have boned him just for that, but Brian gives him his jearns and sends him packing. Brandon is a little confused, but insists, "Whatever you say, you’re the winner." I instantly think he says, "you’re the wiener" and I laugh for days.
Okay, many assume that Brian turned Brandon down because he was trying to keep his dignity. I would agree, but I think he lost his dignity when he agreed to be in this stupid contest to begin with. I was watching Six Feet Under, and Sarah told Claire that maybe she wasn’t an artist. Claire took great offense to this and Sarah said that it might be true. Claire asked why and Sarah explains that the only reason she got defensive is because she believed it. She went on to say that if someone called her purple, she would laugh because she knows she’s not purple. I think the same applies to Brian here, if someone called him a has been, then he shouldn’t have taken offense because he knows he’s not a has been. Or so it would seem. It's a very odd time for Brian, because in his remaining the same, he's actually changed the most, but backwards. He's regressed to that awkward weird kid. There's an infomercial with this guy who has this bangin' body, but the most unfortunate face, and he's a shortie to boot. You just know that this kid had self esteem issues all through jr high and high school and said, "If I just get built, and get money, then people will respect me." I believe the same is true with Brian, except he happened to be rather fortunate looking, so his is like, "If I just get money, and sleep with every man in Torontosburgh, then people will respect me." The problem is that to be respected on only that level isn't a true form of respect. I feel the push for Brian to change should have solely been a realization by him due to the people he loves leaving his life. Instead it's becoming, "I'm not the hottest guy anymore, and there's a new kid boning just as much as me." and that's dumb. I hope it will change in the coming weeks.

Or, he could have just kicked him out because Brandon’s dick was bigger than his. Heh. Sorry to get your sociological juices flowing there, but seriously, I would have boned him, but again, that’s how I roll.

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