B-A! B-Y! M-A! M-A!: QAF Recap Ep 503 05-29-05 Page 2

This goes out to Deb, the ultimate Baby Mama!
by Sticky Keys Queer As Folk Episode 503 Aired 5-29-05


At The Playground!
Mel and Linds are meeting at the park, why? It’s raining and it seems Linds has plastic wrapped the carriage to keep it from getting wet. What an oddly set up scene, but I guess I’ll go with it. Mel is late to their meeting, but Linds says it’s okay. Mel asks how JR was and it turns out she finally fell asleep. She demands to know how much xanax Linds gave her and is there ever a good time for baby prescription drug jokes? I’m not sure, but I don’t think so.

Linds looks confused, but Mel assures her it was a joke and she was just jealous because she could never get her to sleep. They have a real nice dynamic here, like they could be on the way to reconciliation, but we know what show we’re watching so let’s just watch the disaster unfold.

Linds asks about Mel’s meeting with the lawyer and Mel says it went really well. He lawyer says that he’s confident Michael doesn’t have a case against them. He also pointed out that in these situations the courts almost always favor the mother, Mel goes on to cite Hunter’s case as an example. That’s not a very good example Mel, but I see where you’re going. Does anyone else find it odd that Mel has a man-lawyer? I mean, you would think she would be the one to hire Bobbi Benton. You know what else I just remembered? Last year, Mel helped defend two lesbians in a gay adoption trial. She ended up having to sit out because she exerted herself. Why wouldn’t she get those lawyers to help with this case? How strange.

Mel says her lawyer also advised her to go to the custody meeting alone. Linds insists that she has every right to be there as Mel and Michael, “Actually, you don’t. And your presence could prove detrimental to my case.”

“Your case?” And that’s when this scene started to get ugly. Linds say that they were life partners for 10 years, but Mel interjects that now they are divorcing, and that won’t sit well with whoever is making this decision. Melanie tells Linds to trust her and Linds give her this look like, “bitch please!” I would give her points for that, but not until she puts on a hat.


Brian’s Bodacious Office, brought to you by Kinetic!
Lindsay is complaining to Brian about the way that Melanie is treating her, but Brian has cock on the mind. Not that cock you big pervs! He’s talking about chicken! Evidently they do “advertising campaigns” at Kinetic (read: sex ads) and Brian just got a new account from the Blue Rooster chicken chain. They want Kinney to advertise their new 16oz sandwich and Brian comes up with the tagline, “When you’re hungry for a big cock.” Apparently the Blue Rooster people weren’t too turned on by that. I personally would have come up with something along the lines of, “Service your need for cock, or you’ll end up with a Blue Rooster!” I could totally run that place. It’d be into the ground, but that’s neither here nor there. All of this is to show that apparently Brian is in a mojo slump. First club failure, then this ad, then his awfully monotone line delivery that’s usually sexy, but now just seems a little tired. Poor boy is not off to a good season.

For y’all that care, Linds is sporting some Carrie Underwood curly/straight hair right now. It’s kind of wavy, kind of bobbed, and yet it still manages to be completely gross. It’s like Dean, the AI hairdresser, got arthritis one day and took it out on Linds' hair. That’s never the answer Dean. Lindsay is a first frustrated because she thinks Brian’s not listening, but then he asked her what Mel says about it. “She said we have a deal.” Linds says warily,

“You mean the same deal she had with Michael?” Brian asks. Linds says she wants to trust Mel, but she’s not so sure. The problem I have with all of this is that Melanie didn’t break any deals at all. Michael is the one who decided to change the rules, and whether I agree with him or not, it doesn’t change the fact that he changed the stipulations of a verbal contract. All of this, “we can’t trust Mel” talk is just pushing an even bigger wedge between MeLinds which is really not the issue at all. Besides, what’s Mel going to do to screw over Lindsay? Lindsay still has full custody of Gus that can easily be used as a bargaining tool. Of course no one ever remembers Gus so I can see how she could have forgotten that.

Brian tells Linds to stop “bitching and moaning” and do something about it. Linds tells Brian she can always count on him for the cold, hard truth, and then asks what she should do. She looks a little confused, but the one thing I like about Linds (and something that an eagle-eyed poster on QAF.com pointed out) is that Linds is very calculated. She’s a WASP of the highest regards and I think she knows how to be evil, but give off the appearance of sainthood. I personally believe she’s had asking Brian for a lawyer planned the entire time. Brian gives her the number of a “lawyer friend”, along with some sagacious caution, “You’re about to learn what the straights have known all along. In a messy divorce, nobody stays clean.”

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