It's The Oldest, Establish, Permanent, Floating... QAF Recap 506 06-19-05 Page 2

crap game in Torontosburgh
by StickyKeys Queer As Folk Episode 506 Aired 6-19-05

Queer Guy on Channel Fabulous 5!
Emmett warns us that his next sequence might be a little frightening and we should send the children out of the room. Then he explores the phenomena that is… the combover. Yecch. Y’all know I hate comb-overs with a passion. There is a guy holding a portrait of a man with a comb-over covering his face so we can’t see him. Emmett tells us that the portrait is of Wallace, and takes it down to show us how much hotter Wally is when he embraces his baldness. Wally looks absolutely perplexed and really, to any men out there, it’s almost always better to go bald. Black men have been doing it for years. Even hair on the sides is nice. Just don’t do it if you have a stupid shaped head or knots all over the place, then it’s time to invest in grafting, or a nice wig. Next week Emmett’s going to tackle home waxing, “and I’m not talking about the kitchen floor!” or is he? Kent Brockman is watching this whole time and loving it. He looks different to me for some reason, maybe he got a little hair cut of his own? Or maybe I don’t care enough about him to remember his looks from shot to shot? Yeah, it’s probably that.

Emmett is wearing a flaxen colored shirt and on the left hand side there is some decorative staining. It looks like a purplish blob that kind of morphs into an orangish blob. He’s wearing a bright orange tie and really, a shirt like that calls for a more subdued tie I think. It’s not very flattering, but for some reason it makes his eyes pop. He tells everyone to BE FABULOUS! and gives a cheesy side smile. Jake Anders and Miri Yamasushi find Emmett to be just adorable and Jake says, “Thanks Queer guy, that’s it for tonight, hopefully we’ll be “hair” tomorrow.” Sigh. The show ends with Miri hoping that all of our news is good news and she and Ken start talking to each other. Knowing them they’re probably talking about how much homosexuals suck and how old people and Asians are so rock on awesome!

Emmett thanks Wallace for his help and Kent Brockman grabs him and tells him he was FABULOUS! He tells Emmett that ratings have gone up 2 pts and while I don’t know what that means, I know that it’s cause for worry for other stations. It seems channel 9 has hired a tranny weather... person. Emmett hopes that he/she can decide if it’s going to be rainy or fair. I would go into the whole plausibility of a local news station ever hiring a transsexual to do the weather but… nah. Kent tells Emmett that his fans will be standing in line to see him at Hoffman’s the next day. Then he hands Emmett a pile of fan mail. Emmett is pleasantly surprised and Kent says that even people that hate fags love Emmett. Now I missed that comment the first time around, but what a crappy thing to say. Emmett just kind of takes it, and I can understand why, but when did the word “fag” become so desensitized that anyone who knows someone gay can say it without pause? I can see now how they used that to set up the Hoffman’s scene that comes a little later. You know with all of this publicity, I wonder when the fact that Emmett was a porn star was come back up and bite him in the butt?


A Poyson Could Develop La Grippe
Carl has brought some nice looking toast and coffee to Deb who’s lying on the couch with a hot water bottle to her stomach. Carl is such a sweet man. He asks if Deb is still hurting, and if she’s been taking the medicine that the doctor prescribed. At first I thought Deb said that the medicine he gave her was like crack, but it turns out she says that Dr. McGrath is a quack, and he should be split and quartered and served with orange sauce. Deb says with all the new diseases coming out who knows what she could have? Well Deb, it says here, the average unmarried female basic'lly insecure, due to some long frustration may react with psychosomatic symptoms difficult to endure, affecting the upper respiratory tract. In other words, just from waiting around, cleaning your belly button of the mold, a person can develop a cold. So it could be that.

Deb thinks it might be mad cow, or that bird disease, in fact, the other day a bird made on her shoulder. She’s going to make sure to tell the new doctor about that, and I’m sure the doctor could use a laugh for the day so I think she should. Carl inquires about the new doctor, and Deb says she’s getting a fourth opinion. Carl says he’s going to call into the station so he can take Deb, but Deb insists that will only make things worse. She doesn’t want to keep him from work since he’s the one that’s paying for all of her office visits and unused medications. Carl agrees quite quickly and Deb tells him to go solve a murder or two. Carl wishes he could solve this and in the most adorable little accent he tells Deb to call him as soon she hears what the doctor says. It’s funny that Carl and Deb are the only one’s that sound like they’re from anywhere near Pittsburgh.


You Better WORK!
Emmett is at the gym handing out pink and yellow gay flyers announcing his appearance the next day at Hoffman’s. On the flyers it says, Channel 5 Queer Guy: live at Hoffman’s. There’s a pic of Em lying on his stomach and hoisted up with his elbows. His legs are kicked in the air and crossed at the ankles, so yeah, pretty gay. Em is so cute. There seems to be two lines of men just standing there waiting to take his flyers. It’s a weird set up. We see Ted in the background lifting weights and wasn’t the whole point of the surgery so he would have to work out anymore? Emmett tells Ted that he finally found his calling and that he thinks God sent him from above to do his bidding. Ted calls him Saint Emmett, patron saint of the fashion impoverished, and fashion deprived. Emmett says Ted can laugh, but there’s something almost holy about helping the thousands of walking disasters in Torontosburgh of which Emmett is 1,254. Seriously, homeboy has some fashion lessons to learn. Emmett points out one guy that doesn’t fit the impoverished bill, and we pan to a hot guy walking in front of them. This dude is the cuteness and familiar not only to me, but also to Ted. Emmett complains that the guy walked right by and didn’t even recognize him, but Ted recognizes him and how!

It seems that during Pride 2002 Ted and this guy hooked up. The day after, Ted sees him at Woody’s and the guy tells him that every Pride he finds some loser guy, “like you, and I give him a break. I give him..huh, I give him me. The fuck of his life. You know, something he can remember, like a souvenir. It’s my way of giving back to the community.” This is all given to us with awesome season 2 footage. I’m really impressed with the show at the moment, I know it won’t last, but I’m enjoying it while I can. We cut back to the present on a seething Ted. Emmett tells him that it happened eons ago and now, thin, gorgeous guys are falling over themselves to be with Ted. Ted says it was the most embarrassing moment of his life. I disagree only because I remember when Ted tried to be Brian and messed it up, or when Ted got high out of his mind and had a tape of him getting gang banged screened during a meth party, or when he was working at the Sing and Eat and all of his friends showed up. I’m just saying, there have been plenty more embarrassing moments. Ted says that after the incident everyone called him, “Aunt Pity Fuck”, and yeah, that’s pretty embarrassing and cruel. You know Brian was probably the one who started it. Gosh, Ted never has luck with one night stands. First he almost gets HIV, then he gets involved with S&M, then he gets addicted to meth, and now this. Poor boy.

Emmett tells him to just let it go, but Ted thinks he should get even. While kudos to Emmett for the maturity call, I’m actually on Ted’s side. I know I have helped my friends enact many a revenge, and they’ve helped me. It’s not the most grown thing to do, but it’s a fun and bonding motion! On another note entirely, Ted has the most lovely lashes! They are spaced just right and they frame his chocolaty browns quite nicely. I noticed this in the extreme closeup that shows he had absolutely nothing done to his face.

Homo Hater High – Life on the Outside
Ben is talking to Michael on the phone and telling him he’s going to stop in to see Hunter debate. You can tell Michael’s all, “Don’t, you’ll embarrass him!” but Ben says that he’ll stay in the back so he can’t be seen. Then he says he’ll take Michael to the store and then take them both to dinner. I don’t really understand the reason for that little bargain, but at the end you can tell Michael’s still ranting and Ben says, “Loooove”, and my heart melts a little. So cute.

Ben gets off the phone and notices Callie’s awful hair. He says hello and reintroduces himself. How long has it been since Callie has seen them? I think I’d remember the two gay parents of my ex-hustler boyfriend, but then again I’m a stickler for details. Ben tells her that he’s there to see Hunter debate and asks where the auditorium is. Callie tells him, but says she doesn’t think there’s a debate since there’s a chorus practice instead. Ben is confused, and Callie asks if Hunter is okay. It seems he hasn’t been in school for the past week, but Ben says he fine and it was probably just a misunderstanding. Sigh, poor Hunter must not have gotten the message that school is cool!

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