Life of Brian: QAF Recap 507 06-26-05 Page 8

A Lesson In Standards
by StickyKeys Queer As Folk Episode 507 Aired 06-26-05

Dinner With The Zagerman’s: An Act in Three Parts
Part One: The Intimate Nature of Man
“Oh, excuse me folks, I gotta go pee again, damn prostate.” We open at dinner with an inappropriately irregular Al Zagerman. His wife coils in embarrassment, “Al, please!”
“Oh don’t be embarrassed honey, it’s not as though I brought up the hemorrhoids.” Well gee, thanks for the discretion! Lois gives her best, “oh YOU!” head shake and makes it known that this outburst was a regular thing, “What can I say? Al is Al.”

SK: No excuses no regrets eh?

Nina: He is so Brian in 30 years.

Jerrod: You know he’s the total bad boy of his golfing club.

Lindsay is sitting next to a man who seems to be a little more sensible and much closer to her age range, “I’m afraid I’m a little young for this crowd, my prostate’s still in working order. But I can show you my tennis elbow if you like!

All of us: Wakka wakka!

It turns out this gentlemen (who’s name we find out after more than 20 minutes on screen in two different scenes is “Steven”) is an associates of Lindsay’s father. They’ve worked together for about five years. Steven correctly identifies Lindsay’s place of business as the Sidney Bloom Gallery, “I don’t get by gallieries that much but I did catch the Sam Arbuch show (of course he did), did you have anything to do with that?” Lindsay is noticeably uncomfortable but answers to the affirmative, “Actually, I put it together.”
“You did a great job! And the mural down at Penn Plaza? It’s a knockout!” I’m pleasantly surprised that they didn’t have him say, “It was a bang!”, or “It was heterosexual sex with a lesbian!” or something equally as anvillicious. Lindsay agrees it’s great, “It’s bold, larger than life, completely unpredictable, much like the man. And like the man, best appreciated from a safe distance.” Okay? Ahh, we see Linds graduated from the Al Zagerman School of Too Much Information, and with honors! Linds’ mom comes and tells them that the old folks are going to look at pics from the Zagerman’s Alaskan cruise and to make their escape. This is such an obvious setup which takes Ma Peterson’s meddling to a whole new level. I hope to be like her one day.


Go Now, Go
Ted’s at the same club that him and the boys have gone to for the past 4 years, but for some reason he looks surprised to see Emmett come up to him. If Ted was trying to hide the fact he didn’t tell Em about Troy, why didn’t he invite him to Poppers? Is Poppers still open? Emmett doesn’t seem too phased, he wants dirt, “I wanna know, how did it go when you told him?” Emmett is wearing a black muscle shirt with a white square of print on the front. He has on a heart rhinestone necklace and generally looks a mess, but above the neck he has on some black smudged eyeliner around his eyes. Y’all? Hott. I don’t know why, but ever since Ricky on My So Called Life, I haven’t minded mascara or liner on men. Anything to bring out the pretties I guess.

Emmett keeps pressing Ted and finally comes to the conclusion that not only has Ted not told Troy, but, “Oh my God! You’re falling for him aren’t you? I can see it in your eyes!” Thankfully for Ted, Brian enters the scene, “Hey look there’s Bri, great to see you.” Heh. Emmett asks Brian why he’s there and Brian goes on some blah inducing thing about the meaning of life, “Why am I here? Blah blah blah smoke up my own ass blah blah.”, but then he makes up for it by saying, “The best answer I can come up with is that we live in [Torontosburgh], where the fuck else am I going to go?” Heh.

Nina: Why is Brian still in [Torontosburgh]?

Sticky: Huh. I don’t know, I remember thinking about it when he was supposed to move to New York why he hadn’t done it sooner, but I’m not so sure.”

Jerrod: Pittsburgh is his spot. He knows it and he’s built a reputation that he doesn’t have to work hard to maintain. Right now he’s the king of [Torontosburgh], if he moved to New York he might be the king of Greenwich.

SK: Or of Christopher Street between like 3rd and 33rd ave.

Jerrod: You have no idea what you’re talking about do you?

SK and Nina: Do I (Does she) ever?

Ted clarifies, “I think Em meant he didn’t think you’d be here considering you and Justin broke up.” Emmett and Ted offer up their condolences, but Brian insists he’s not devastated, “and you’re not sorry so please, spare me the sentiments and the sentimentality.” He turns and sees Brandon. Ted is pleased to learn of Brian’s condition, “It’s a relief to know you won’t be dying of a broken heart anytime soon.” Em is equally impressed, “Silly of us to even think you had one.” Brian goes through The Idiot’s Guide to Getting Info on Your Ex handbook and lands on Chapter 5: How to get your bitchy friends to give up info in a way that makes them think they volunteered it.
“I’m doing just fine,” He says as he tests the waters, “and I’m sure Justin is too.” Em and Teddy bitchily rush to inform Brian that Justin’s great. Emmett tells us, “He’s doing more than fine, he’s picked himself up, dusted himself off and started all over again.” Brian continues on with his not really caring front, “Glad to hear it, be sure to give him my regards the next time you see him.” Ted says, “You can tell him yourself the next time you’re over Michael and Ben’s.” This is a little cute because you can tell that maybe Ted and Emmett are enjoying this a little. Brian is noticeably pissed when he hears Justin is at Ben and Michael’s. Em has a little margarita salt left over to rub into Brian’s wound, “He’s moved in with them.” Yeah, they’re definitely having fun. Brian is very upset now and takes care of his anger the productive way, with another shot.



Dinner With The Zagerman’s: An Act in Two Parts
Part Two: Revelations
This scene started with a cute/creepy story involving the happenings between a five year old and his penis. It was nice, but it was long and boring. Hey! Just like this scene!

Basically Steven tells Lindsay that they should ger together for lunch. She accepts his offer but makes sure to let him know that she’s a lesbian. Steven looks completely flabbergasted (if not a little turned on?), “That’s not what your parents said.” Linds has this great, “oh Lord” look on her face and asks, “What did they tell you?” Steven wipes some sweat off of his brow, “That you’d just broken up… with a man. Huh.”

SK: Wow, that would be messed up if you were invited to someone’s house to meet a potential mate and find out that they’re gay. (silence) You guys?

Nina & Jerrod: Snnnzzzzzz

SK: you guys suck![/whisper]



For Aunt Pity Fucks Everywhere
Ted is still at bar, you know I don’t ever recall seeing him actively dancing, it’s an interesting thing about Ted. Troy finally comes around and greets Ted with a , “Hey hot guy! I bought some friends, I want them to meet you!” Ted says that any friends of Troy’s are friends of his and turns to wave at them but is intercepted by Emmett dancing in circles chanting, “Aunt Pity Fuck, Aunt Pity Fuck!”
“Who was that?” Troy asks, Ted answers hilariously, “Some FREAK!” Heh. Some nameless guy comes up and asks Troy if he remembers him, “we hooked up a few months ago?” Troy looks confused and obviously doesn’t remember this guy, “Sure, yeah.” The guy looks hopeful, “You never called, you probably lost my number [ and even though you’re here with someone] I’m going to give it to you again, promise not to lose it.” Troy nods, “Okay, cool. [Even though I’m here with someone I’m going to take your number and make you think I’m going to call]!” You know, I wonder why he would act like this in front of anyone in general, but I remember that Troy is a life-long member of the Beautiful People’s Club so all of his friends probably know about this behavior. In fact, someone probably suggested the Pity Fuck program to Troy so he could work off his Civil Service requirement. As soon as Nameless leaves, Troy makes a big production of tearing up number, saying it was probably one of his pity fucks. Ted knows the pity fuck well, for see, he used to be one of them.

Troy is shocked, SHOCKED, “What? But you’re hot!’ and it’s about this time that I realized that getting rid of Troy wasn’t really a loss. Ted says that back then Troy didn’t think Ted was such hot stuff, “Pride 2002?” Troy suddenly realizes who Ted is, “I knew there was something familiar about you.”

Jerrod: Yeah, like his fucking face! (Nina and I go to give Jerrod a hug, it’s been a rough season for him. Y’all think I’m mean? Jerrod’s recap would consist of dick jokes, drunken slurs, and random acts of violence against even the most miniscule cast or crewmember. I just sold you on him didn’t I?)

“I was your pity fuck, a fact you made painfully clear. Well guess what? Now you’re mine.” Ted looks nervous as he says this, but is holding his ground, “don’t look so bewildered, I sought you out, waited for the right moment. Guess this is it?” Ted’s eyes are wide and his pretty little lashes are just flapping in the wind. Troy can’t believe this, “You’re kidding right?” Ted shakes his head, “fraid not, but hey, look at it this way, you’ll always have something to remember me by.” Troy still can’t believe it, “You’re dumping me” Ted confirms this to be true and says, “it’s a fag eat fag world”

All of us: Literally!

Troy is outraged, “Fuck you! I liked you, I really did!” He walks off to join his little friends as Ted looks around sadly. He looks up into the balcony and sees Emmett clapping. Emmett makes some tracks around the club! I would be sadder for Ted if we saw him and Troy have any sort of conversation or a meal, or anything but awesome sex. Basically these “feelings” that Ted is having is one of boner’s remorse and not actual matters of the heart. At least that’s the way it seems.


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