Life of Brian: QAF Recap 507 06-26-05 Page 4

A Lesson In Standards
by StickyKeys Queer As Folk Episode 507 Aired 06-26-05

Mama, I’m Coming Home!
Lindsay and her mother are in Lindsay’s apartment putting away groceries. Ma Petersen remarks that she had no idea Linds was living under such conditions. Linds and I both ask, “What conditions? It’s a perfectly decent apartment.” Ma Peterson says perfectly decent isn’t good enough for her daughter, but evidently not paying for her wedding, basically disowning her from the family, and heterosexuality is. Way to balance your set of morals there Ma. Lindsay says that at the moment it’s all she can afford. Y’all already know my thoughts on this stupid living arrangement MeLinds have so I won’t bore you again.

Linds’ mom has brought over a ton of groceries and it looks like some sympathy, and a bit of conniving. She’s in true WASP form wearing a sky blue twin set and double strand pearls. For some reason, despite knowing Melanie for 10 years Ma Peterson can’t seem to remember her name and wonders why “she” gets to keep the house. Linds says it was her decision to leave and when told that it doesn’t seem fair, she remarks that fair is not a word in her vocabulary. None of us understand the implications of that. Well, it’s more like we don’t care. None of us care.

Ma Peterson says, “Considering your current situation can we put all of our differences behind us?” Lindsay would like nothing better, and at first I thought this was Ma asking Lindsay to move in with her, but that ends up being her next request. What I hate about this little exchange is that Ma P is basically saying if Lindsay were happy they would still be at odds. It’s a nasty little thing that should have immediately sent a red flag up for Linds. Ma Peterson does in fact ask Linds to come live with them and Linds says it’s not a good idea and proceeds to use her child, instead of the years of hurt, as an excuse. You know I would feel more for Linds if this scene weren’t so awfully boring! I’m not a huge fan of Chez Peterson to begin with and when you add Linds’ dulcet delivery with her mother’s WASPy whisperings, and add a nice rainstorm outside, then you have the recipe for some good nappin’!

Ma Peterson knows the way to any Peterson’s heart is through the wallet and reminds Lindsay how much money she’ll be saving. Linds finally accepts and I think Linds shouldn’t tell Mel and still make her pay half the rent. That would be so boss!

Jerrod: Boss?

SK: Shut up!

Nina: Naw girl, I’m going to need your black card for that.

SK: I was speaking in the moment, I was pretending I was a WASP, don’t WASPs say “boss!”?

Jerrod: No, WASPs say splendid and delightful, and black WASPs, such as myself (Jerrod’s filthy stinking rich), say “really great!”

SK: Wouldn’t a black WASP be a BAAB?

Nina: Halle Berry thinks we should be B.A.P.S.

SK: I’ve always hated Halle Berry until this very moment. So we know that Lind’s mom is up to no good right?

Jerrod: Baby, I’m not even going to pretend to care.

Nina: Yeah, fast forward!

SK: Moving on.


Where Everybody Knows Your Name
We open on a shot of the lovely baby JR at the diner. Michael is playing with her feet and making adorable little cooing noises. Michael is just too cute, but you can also see a little bit of Hal just loving this baby to death. I wonder how Gus’s mother felt when she saw JR getting all this screen time. Remember that time during the first season when you forgot Gus even existed and then suddenly he could walk? Deb brings over some orders for our boys and girls, “Tuna melt for Michael, Grilled Cheese and bacon for Sunshine, (I’m sorry, a grilled cheese and bacon? I know Justin’s young and all, but is he trying to have a heart attack before he’s 22?), and for the Queer Guy a bunless burger.” Emmett takes his plate and says, “Just like me.”

Deb (who’s wearing another awesomely bad purple shirt that has a ruler on it and reads: Give ‘em an inch. They want all 12) looks a bit confused, “What?” Emmett sees this as a cue for this week’s “woe is me” monologue, “My producer has informed me that in the future when I am on screen, I have no ass, no dick, no sexuality. I am, as Brian was so kind to point out, a balless eunuch. Forgive me, that’s redundant (heh) whose sole purpose in life is to entertain the white folk. (Ha!) No longer a homosexual, instead a homo-ineffectual.” Yeah, and all of this because he can’t bone on the nightly news. I don’t want to have to issue my first ever, Shut Up Emmett, but he is getting dangerously close if he doesn’t let this news thing go, or think up some solution. I will cut him a little slack though. He has had to listen to everyone else’s problems and it’s funny that no one seems to care about his at all. Like no one, in fact Melanie hasn’t been listening and cuts in with, “Oh no!” Emmett thinks it’s about him and keeps talking, “Apparently [Torontosburg] isn’t ready to deal with the fact that queers are not only anatomically correct, but they actually use all their parts.”

Melanie (seemingly trying to save face?) says, “It’s not just [Torontosburgh]. Yesterday afternoon Family America (sigh), the conservative based citizen’s action group, announced that they’d collected enough signatures to have proposition 14 placed on the ballot in an upcoming statewide election If passed the controversial measure could dissolve a broad range of contracts between same-sex couples.” Deb goes off and Michael tells her to calm down. Melanie continues reading and we learn that, “Opponents say proposition 14 is one of the most homophobic pieces of legislation in our country’s history. It would effectively negate powers of attorney, wills, leases, child custody arrangements, joint bank accounts, and health insurance granted by companies that recognize domestic partnerships.” Michael looks horrified now, “Holy shit, that is everything!” Deb gives him the eyebrow and says, “Did I hear someone say don’t overreact?” Shut up Deb! I’ve about had it with her this season.

“That’s what some other people said once,” Mel says in response to overreacting, “next thing you know they were being shipped off to camps.” Right. First of all, Shut Up scene. Second of all, I don’t understand this legislation. Is it just for homosexuals? How would that not fall under the hate crimes category? Like, last time this happened people did end up in camps, but because of that there was more legislation so it would never happen again. I was also informed by snacktastic (love that name!) on Moldy’s boards that Pittsburgh even has hate-crime laws that protect transsexuals, so why is QAF trying to present them as this haven for homo-haters? Thirdly, I’m Christian and yes, I know that our beliefs are in direct conflict with this show, but please rest assure that we are not all bat crap crazy! For every “Christian” that would vote for some mess like this, there is a newly opened up spot in hell. I just don’t understand this push to make the life of a homosexual so hard. I mean if these “Christians” believe that homosexuals are going to hell, then isn’t that BAD ENOUGH?!? Why must we compound the offense and make their lives hell? That’s just ridiculous to me, because seriously, they know that they’re gay and they’re either going to be gay, or they’re not. Nothing you do is going to change that. So you can tell them they can’t have legal unions and you can take away their insurance, and break their joint bank accounts (which seriously, WTF?), but they will still be gay. It’s not like they’re going to say, “Well dang Jimmy, I did want to sleep with you, but we wouldn’t be able to get a lease arrangement anywhere!” Whatever stupid legislation. Whatever show.

And those are just my thoughts if it relates only to gay people. Please don’t let me find out that this is supposed to apply to everyone and will just hit gays the hardest.

Nina: Wait a minute, they can take away your joint bank account because you’re gay? (all of look at each other and start cracking up.) What the fuck?! How they go’n to break someone’s joint account?

Jerrod: I wish I would go to a bank and find out my joint account was broken cause I sucked someone’s dick.

Nina: There’d be some consequences and repercussions!

Jerrod: That’s some bullshit.

SK: You know Wachovia is probably going to be the first one to enforce that.

Nina: Girl! And then how are they going to say you can’t rent an apartment? That corny nut filled shit! What if you were only roommates?

SK: I think this is just another concoction of the He-Man Hetero Haters writing department. The messed up thing is that there is legislation similar to this out there, but the show just took it too far.

Jerrod: Exactly, the legislation out there is far more slick and probably far more dangerous, but since the show kind of went overboard it made it into a joke.

SK: Exactly, it’s like the Forrest Gump of hate legislation, it has everything.

Nina: What?!

Jerrod: I am so mad at you right now.


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