Life of Brian: QAF Recap 507 06-26-05 Page 5

A Lesson In Standards
by StickyKeys Queer As Folk Episode 507 Aired 06-26-05

When Fantasy and Reality Collide
Justin and Michael are in the Comic book shop restocking shelves. Evidently they’d completely stopped talking about this subject and later decided to reconvene at a random spot in the conversation.
“They can’t do this can they?” Justin and the entire television viewing audience asks. Michael informs us that indeed they can, “They already have in Virginia, and a dozen other states are trying to do the same.” And no one’s appealed? And what’s been done? Have the laws actually been passed, or has the measure just been placed on the ballot? Is this for real? God, am I going to have to do RESEARCH!? I guess not because Justin doesn’t care about these details, he just knows that the proposition is a bad thing, “…If that happens it would destroy everything you and Ben have worked for, that you’ve built together!” Michael agrees, he says that he could even lose his health insurance from Ben’s job (I can see that), they could have their mortgage invalidated (this I still don’t understand), and they could lose the house (I don’t know). Justin has gotten some new bath salts that he’d like to share with Michael’s wounds and adds that Ben and Michael’s plans to adopt Hunter would be at jeopardy too (but that was already an issue wasn’t it? Before the legislation? Sigh). Michael looks hurt and a little embarrassed, but tells Justin, “You mean if he ever comes back?” Justin apologizes and I assumed that Justin didn’t know about Hunter, but if he does, then that was an extra incredibly crappy thing to say. Odd.

Michael changes the subject, “It’s not just Ben and me, it’s everyone. MeLinds and the kids, MontEli… maybe even you.” Justin kind of rolls his eyes and Michael says that if him and Brian were to ever get together… Justin snottily says they won’t, but Michael says you never know, Brian could mellow. Justin says Brian’s not a hearty Burgundy and is not going to mellow. Heh, because I’m 12 I’m instantly reminded of the great tome, “If it’s yellow, let it mellow. If it’s brown, flush it down” and that makes me giggle a little. Justin is not in a giggling mood though, he tells Michael, “Whatever that proposition would take away is something he’s not willing to give me in the first place.” We zoom out on the boys and I notice that this is a small shop with customers.

Nina: How’s he just going to air all his business in front of those people?

SK: I would go there everyday, just to listen, and make commentary.

Jerrod: Justin’s a bit bitter huh?

SK: Well I’d be too, actually I wouldn’t because I don’t think I’d ever be in that situation, but you know.

Nina: You don’t think you’d ever fall in love with an older man who convinced you to be in a polygamous relationship?

SK: Um. No.

Jerrod: That’s why you can’t find no man, your standards are too high.


Two Steps Forward, Two Steps Back
MeLinds are at the mans talking about Lindsay going to live with her parents. Linds feels it’s a perfectly viable option, and Mel adds that so is jumping off the roof. Oh Mel, always there with the one-liners. Linds gives her a small can of “STFU” and tells her that they’re still her family. Melanie’s never been one for canned goods and says that Linds’ family is “A family that never accepted you, or me, or our children…. now they show up out of the blue to rescue you. I smell goyim.” I have very little knowledge of Yiddish, but I guess that means crap of some sort? Linds insists that it’s possible for people to change. Mel observes that, “People, yes. Your parents, no.”

Linds is wearing a nice beige herringbone hip length coat, and her hair is looking less and less like she’s on crack, or Nicole Ritchie. I hate Linds’ line delivery in general, but especially in this scene. It’s like she’s singing “The Rain in Spain” from My Fair Lady, but like, with talking.

SK: Wake up! (Jerrod and Nina wake with a start and the show continues).


Releasing the Animal Within
Ted and Troy are getting down and dirty in several positions in Ted’s apartment. It reads like a really bad sometimes rhyming poem almost:

Troy in Ted on dining table. Ted has on horrid hiking boots. Eww.
Ted in Troy. Loaf of bread behind Troy’s head.
Troy in Ted over couch. Troy drinks Evian. It’s naïve spelled backwards.

That’s copywrited y’all!

So we get done with all of this generic sexin’ and embark upon the Best.Position.Ever. Okay, we see Ted on both hands in a handstand, and Troy is positioned somewhere behind him. We go to a side view and see that Troy is folded in half (bent over), so his head and hands are on the floor, as well as his toes, and Ted is entering him from the back. It’s definitely something to try, though I worry about the occurrence of head rush.

Jerrod: I’ve done that.

Nina: Why?

SK: With who?

Jerrod: We were bored so we wanted to try something else.

Nina: So you chose that? It seems like too much work!

SK: Wait, who was this with?

Jerrod: With Sandy from Rockport.

SK: You know someone named Sandy? It’s such an oddly transgendered name, I always assumed it was just made up for TV. It takes a special person to pull off Sandy.

Jerrod: It takes a flexible person to pull of Sandy in that position.

After the best position ever, we get one last sexin’ with Ted on bottom, and Troy on top. They finish and are exhausted! Troy lies on top of Ted and suddenly we hear Emmett talking, “Congratulations stud, that’s your thrid time tonight.” Ted looks up and it seems that Emmett and Brian are on the ceiling. Again Brian’s on Ted’s right and Emmett’s on the left. At first I thought they were continuing their red and black motif, but this time Brian is wearing a chocolate brown pinstripe shirt. Okay? Ted wants to know who’s keeping score, and Emmett says he is. Emmett looks at Ted disgustedly, “Look at him so smug, so self-satisfied.” Troy has a butt that won’t quite. Just thought I’d mention that. Emmett explains that, “Now is the perfect time to send him off with his not-unattractive tail between his legs.”

Brian adds his two cents and asks, “What the fuck for? You’ve got the son of a bitch where you want him, with his (bangin) ass in the air, and it’s not a bad one I might add.” Emmett and Brian go back and forth in Ted’s head,
“Don’t listen to him! Tell!”
“What the hell does he know? Fuck!” Ted finally gets fed up and yells, “Would you get off my back?!” Troy (who’s one Ted’s front) says “huh?”. Ted recovers and tells Troy that he’s getting a little heavy. He’s not heavy Teddy, he’s your lover. Troy decides that now is the time to finally start listening to Ted and says, “It’s like there was something you wanted to tell me.” Are you going to let him say it this time? Can he finish? Can.. can he finisht? Ted takes this opportunity and says, “Actually there is. You, uhh, you want to go to Babylon tomorrow night?” Brian cracks up because he knows how pathetic this all is, and because that’s how Brian is, that’s what he does. He could care less about any of this as long as it entertains him. Closed Captioning is really up on their classical music and inform me that “Ride of the Valkyries” plays as Brian tosses down the lube.

SK: I wonder how they film scenes like this? I mean, I know you have to be true to your art, but that has to be weird to be naked in front of all those people, and then pretending your having sex.

Jerrod: It’s not that bad when you get lost in it. (Juanita and I give Jerrod a look) Yeah, I said it!

There’s so many things about him I don’t know.


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