A Very Special Episode of Queer As Folk: QAF 510 07-17-05 Page 5

By StickyKeys Queer As Folk Episode 510 Aired 07-17-05

Working Out The Numbers

Emmett is going off on Brian who is on #44 of lifting the smallest skinniest weights on the planet. Emmett tells him Drew has lost everything and Brian correctly points out that that’s not his problem and he’s running a business and not a support group. Emmett is not one to be easily dissuaded (word?) and wonders how the president of this company could cave to such blatant homophobia. Brian says that he’s going to have an expert explain and calls over the conveniently placed Theodore to help him out. Brian is in side profile and baby boy has one heck of a goiter looking double chin going on. It’s pretty scary y’all. Emmett says that he bets Brian didn’t even try to stick up for Drew and Brian says that he didn’t.

Ted comes over and Brian asks how much they stand to lose if Brown Athletics pulls their account. Teddy asks if he should give a ballpark figure and Brian takes my ‘duh!’ and elegantly turns it into, “that would be appropriate considering it’s a sporting goods company.” Brian’s always helpful in that department I find. Ted says that it’s about a $20mil account, and Brian asks how much of that is profit for Kinnetik (with a k? That’s too dumb for words, but whatev) and Theo surmises about $2mil. May I be the first to say, “Good Lawd that’s a lot of money!” Brian tells Emmett that he can chastise him all he wants for being heartless and it doesn’t cost him a cent, “but kindly explain to me why I should sacrafice a $20mil account just because your boyfriend decides to suddenly announce he’s queer.” Emmett says he can see why Brian’s such a successful businessman and leaves. You know, I’m with Brian for most of this though I feel for Emmett. You all know how I felt about the way Drew came out anyway, but it’s not up to Brian to make things easier for him. Now with Brian being gay, I could see him maybe putting in a good word, but he’s not obligated. I had a black boss that I thought would promote me because I was black. I had the most experience in our department, but I was lacking the degree needed. I thought he would overlook that, but he didn’t and for a long time I hated on him because of it. I got some common sense and realized that it really had nothing to do with him, I found out later (after I got over it) that he gave me a stellar recommendation for a lateral move I made later on and knew that yeah he was down for me, but only as much as he could be. I think that Brian was a little brash in this situation, but I don’t blame him entirely. Moving on.

Melodrama Much?

We open on the next scene of intensity as Brian pulls up his pimp but ugly color car. We see Justin hanging up signs and they make it seem like Brian just happened to see Justin, but I’m not too sure. There’s this music playing in the background and it’s very nice, but the lyrics are somewhat lacking, “I picked you out of the crowd to talk to you, said I liked your shoes, you said thanks can I follow you? So up the stairs…” and I hope this song isn’t supposed to be telling of their relationship because it’s just bad.

Exposition Fairy: I really like that song, the way it correctly identifies the low point that Brian and Justin are at emotionally.

SK: Yeah, but did you actually listen to the words?

[silence]

SK: Well, did you?

Expo: I really like the part that goes, “Do do Do do Do Do Do do do do”

SK: That’s a really good part.

At the stairs part Justin sees Brian and walks over. “So you’re still working the streets?” Brian playfully asks. Justin says, “Thanks to you”, and before Brian can pull out his wallet, asks if Brian’s coming to the event. Brian asks why in Justin’s homosexual dreams (because straight ones are evil and filled with horrid things we can do to gays) would he assume that Brian would attend such an event. Well, because you always do Brian, Justin says that he gave them the club and Brian says that he couldn’t say no to his oldest and dearest friend. Justin also points out that the benefit is to maintain the rights of every gay person in the state including Brian who is self employed, against marriage, and probably won’t adopt any kids. Brian says that Justin will have to fight the good fight without him since he’ll be tanning down under and perhaps a little on top. How Justin knows that Brian is talking about Australia is beyond me, maybe it’s just because I’m too literal. Brian says that he hears gay Mardi Gras in AU is the gayest place on Earth save for Disneyland and I completely agree with that. The boys give themselves a few glances and this is the part where Brian says, “Baby! Baby I need your lovin’!”, and Justin says, “Loving you, is easy ‘cause you’re beautiful.” and Justin jumps through the car window and they put the top down and ride off into the sunset holding hands on the gear shift singing, “We’re gonna fly away, glad you’re going my way. I love it when we’re cruisin’ together.” But does that happen? Nope, much to my dismay (or pleasure, Cruisin?) they do not. Instead Brian says, take care of yourself, and Justin says the same of Brian. Then Brian turns on his car and drives off as we hear more lyrics of the ever poignant song, “pressing hard against your jeans your tongue in my mouth…”

Expo Fairy and SK: “Do do Do do Do do do do Do”

Mother Frickin' Fricasse

Michael and Ben are at the diner and Ben is hoping that everyone knows the event has been moved. Michael says that the center spent all day sending out email and making phone calls trying to inform everyone. Ben wonders if they shouldn’t get Brian something for saving the event, but Michael says he already thanked him and that was enough. And I guess it would be enough if it had actually happened. Ben’s all, “whatever”, but with that little side twinge of guilt he does so well. Michael says he does believe it’s enough and Ben gives an excellent, “hmm”. Michael knows that “hmm” and asks Ben what his interpretation of it is, “you always say hmm when you’re thinking something and you don’t want to say it."

“Do I? Hmm.” Ben deadpans. Heh, I love him more and more with each ep. Gladys on Petu’s boards has this great pic of Bobby kjissing Michael, but Michael is turned so it could be anyone, and on the bottom it says, “I love you Gladys.” It’s so cute. I could be reading it wrong, it could be, “I love you, Gladys.”, but I choose my way because it makes me jealous that I didn’t think of it first.

Ben starts in with it’s a shame, but Michael stops him before he can continue. Ben tells Michael that he doesn’t even know what he was going to say, but Michael’s pretty sure it wasn’t to remind him that he was having his teeth cleaned the following week. Wouldn’t that be pimp if it were? Like if Ben said, “as a matter of fact that’s exactly what I was going to say. It’s a shame that more people neglect their oral hygeine, and maybe we should get Brian a gift certificate for free bleaching, so there!” That would be awesome… or not (please, it would be totally awesome). Deb comes up and laments that KiKi the preop tranny waittress was supposed to relieve her, but hasn’t shown up for her shift yet. Some rudeness asks Deb where his chicken fricasse is and Deb replies that it’s still frickin’. Ben says that they’ll wait for Deb, but Deb tells the boys to go ahead and she’ll be there.

SK: Foreshadowing, I think this is the first time that we’ve seen a slight subtleness in your work. I like that you’ve given Deb a motive to not be there when the bomb goes off, but did so in a way that didn’t entirely give away the explosion. How did you go about doing this?

Foreshadowing:: I totally slipped Expo a rufies, don’t tell!

In The Still of the Night

We are at the SP14 event and everything is in full swing. I won’t go into how they got everything set up so quickly or how they got caterers booked partly because I have no idea about the passage of time (as usual), but mostly because it’s kind of dumb. We see Ted and Helmet McTightCollar walking through the club cautiously. I don’t think we’ve learned Helmet’s real name which lets me know that he’s not the most permanent character in this show, he’s so getting blown up. He’s kind of freaking out and Ted asks him if he’s okay. He says that in his facing fears workshop (which again, TMI, but… Partridge Family Trample) they were given breathing exercises that taught them such techniques as inhaling, followed by (and this is where it gets really advanced) exhaling. That’s right people, so all of you that have been inhaling, and then inhaling, and are still alive, know that you’ve been doing it wrong this whole time. Helmet goes on to say that it also helps if he has a coach and Ted and I wonder if the facing fears seminar wasn’t actually Lamaze. We move over to Ben and Michael and really, how big is Babylon? Because I don’t recall it ever being this huge where you can fit in 300+ people. and tables, and waiters and loads of decorations. Babylon is one of the most changing places I’ve ever seen. Michael is saying that it would help if they could find Deb in there. Ben says not to worry because if there’s one person they could spot it would be Deb. Michael gets a laugh out of this and they join Justin and- ready? MONTE & ELI! You know, for hating them so much, they have really grown on me! At least Monte has, let’s see if Eli does anything in the next 5 seconds to annoy me. “I think I might revisit the Halcyon days of my debauched youth and dance till dawn.” Well Eli, you scamp you, 10 seconds on screen and I don’t hate you yet! I’m not making any promises, but you might just work yourself off my list if you keep it up. Monte says that if Eli makes it to 10:30pm it will be a miracle. I love that man. Ben asks Justin where Brian is since he wants to thank him. Let me say one thing about Ben that I love real quick. He is the number one “One True Pair” shipper ever! He cracks me up in that he knows Brian and Michael aren’t talking, but he sends Michael to ask Brian about the club anyway. He also knows that Justin and Brian aren’t together anymore, yet he asks Justin about Brian’s whereabouts. You just know that if he talked to MeLinds more he’d be all, “So, you gonna add another room to your house? You guys should adopt more kids, you’re so in love.” Ha! He’s so awesome, because he knows like we know that all of this will blow over and wrap itself up nicely.

Justin informs Ben that Brian is in Sydney at Gay Mardi Gras and why is this such a well known event. I was telling my friend about it and she said, “Mardi Gras in Australia? It ain’t Louisiana! That ain’t Nawlins!” and everyone that I’ve asked about it has said the same thing. Odd. Michael says it figures that Brian would be there and Eli says that Brian has slept with everyone on this continent which illicits a huge giggle from Monte. Heh, that laugh saved Eli in my book, and the laugh made me love Monte even more. It was so corny, I wonder what kind of jokes MontEli tell each other at home, that would be another fun spin-off idea. We see Tuck and Jen (who’s sporting Carrie Underhair done right) much to Justin’s dismay. He tells Michael that it’s so Soap Opera, and menopausal, and humiliating. Just like Justin except he’s so telenovella, so juvenile, and so humiliatingly hypocritical. Jen comes up and says hello to Justin and for a second it looks like Ben is checking out her bum. She gives Justin a huge kiss on the cheek and reintroduces Tucker to everyone. Tucker goes out of his way to say hi to Justin and Justin goes out of his way to ignore Tucker. Tuck takes his leave to the bar and suggests a Chardonnay for Jen. This has nothing to do with anything, but I went to a going away party for some people in a sister department at our hotel and everyone had beer (I hate beer so I had a Smirnoff with grenadine, I know, I know, so frou frou, so girlie. It was the best thing I had ever tasted, like pink lemonade, yummy) or liquor except the girl who was playing pool and sipping a glass of Chardonnay. Of course we all had to rag on her, especially since she was wasted after like 3 glasses, but it was funny. Yeah, anyhow Jen says that by the look on Justin’s face maybe she should have ordered a sour apple martini instead. Justin asks if Jen had to bring him and dude seriously needs to chill because that’s another $200 towards the cause. Jen asks if Tuck embarrasses him and Justin says that frankly he does. “Well when there’s a proposition 15, to take away the rights of middle aged women to have a life, let’s hope you show up for me.” and really, thank you Jen. I really hate this subplot in case you couldn’t tell, like the only way to get Jen involved was to create some drama? Sigh.

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