by StickyKeys Queer As Folk Episode 509 Aired 07-10-05

Here’s to You Mrs. Taylor

Justin and Jen are done canvassing, but Justin is sad that they couldn’t convince more people. Jen says the important thing is that they keep trying. We hear a motorcycle come near and Jen’s face lights up at the sight of it. A dashing young stud pulls off his helmet and shakes his golden locks before throwing Jen a little, “Hey, am I late?”. Jen is all giggles and ponytails until she notices that Justin is still there and flabbergasted. “Who’s that?” Justin asks, but Jen ignores him and tells him that she’ll talk to him later. She grabs a helmet and puts it on and jumps on the back of the stud’s hog. She yells to Justin to keep up the good work before driving off in the sunset and leaving Justin to eat their dust. This was such a lovely scene.

MeLinds In Mans Mix-up

Mel and Linds are working on their respective uhh workloads, and noticing their papers are intermixing. There’s a lot of, “Do you have-?”, and “How did that get there?” going on and it’s very cute and sweet. Linds shoots Mel a look while reminiscing about the good old days, and Mel almost catches it, but is blocked by Justin’s artwork. Heh. Mel asks what it is and Linds tells her it’s Justin’s piece for the art show. Mel says it’s beautiful and it’s too bad she’ll have to miss it since she has a date with Paula Bunyan, I mean, Corinne. Linds says pshaw and tells Mel to bring Corinne. Mel correctly identifies this as being awkward, but Linds stupidly insists. I know she’s trying to act like it’s okay so that Mel will see her as being reasonable and what not, but Linds babe, have some dignity! Oh wait, I forgot which show I was watching, carry on.

The Even Uglier Swan

Drew is staring out the window at Deb’s house. I assume he’s living there now though I have no idea why. Emmett is folding something and asks Deb about the end product. Deb gushes that it’s one of the cutest giraffes she’s ever seen! Too bad it’s a swan. Heh. Emmett says it’s for his next Queer Eye segment and I thought the purpose of the QE segment was to teach straight men gay things. But what happens when the gays don’t know? I guess then you go to the women huh? Drew complains that a tabloid (The World Now is apparently the most accurate and well read tabloid in all the land) that photoshopped his face to make it look like he was in Babylon. I wish I could find a screencap of this picture because it’s so fake it’s ridiculous. Like there’s this little itty bitty body, and this huge Drew head with no neck. Drew says he’s never even been to Babylon and okay, but that’s not really the point is it babe? Deb recounts a tale of the same mag putting Liza’s head on the body of a 400lb woman and then saying she was too fat to get out of bed. The fact that this paper is still writing about Liza Minelli proves that it’s the worst source of legitimate new ever. Emmett agrees and says that Drew can’t let that crap get to him. Then Emmett stupidly says that it was all stop when Drew comes out. Yeah, as soon as that happens people will forget all about Drew, he’ll be able to walk the streets again with no questions about his sexuality! Idiot. Deb is happy to learn that Drew is coming out and asks him when he plans to do it. Drew says he hasn’t decided yet, and Deb suggests doing it on Larry King since that’s what she would do, but reiterates that whatever he chooses is his choice. Emmett agrees that it has to be on Drew’s own terms. Drew spills a little sauce on himself and Deb takes a napkin and wipes off his chin. Emmett tells her that was his swan and Deb says it was a giraffe and to try again. I don’t know why Deb is trying to make me like her this episode, but it’s working.

Now, this scene would have been perfect but then Emmett starts in with how he’s got some nerve sitting there, “like some fucking eunuch, making animals out of napkins… and I’m telling you how to be out and proud.” Grrr, I didn’t want to do it, I really didn’t, but here goes… Ssshhuuuuttttt UUUPPPPP!!!!!

I’m sorry I had to do that, but it felt good to get out.

Calling the Kettle Anna Nicole

Jen and Justin are in The Loft in God’s Blindspot where Justin is working on some art for the show, and Jen is trying to explain her new suitor. “It’s a funny story,” She begins, Justin insists that he’s up for a laugh. Jen says that she was dropping Molly off at school and got a flat along the way. A man dressed in black (insert inappropriate Johnny Cash joke here) asked her if she needed help and she accepted even though she took a class in auto maintenance after Craig left. She says that she said yes because she was on her way to an open house and didn’t want to show up looking like a grease monkey, but I think it’s because she was horny and old boy is kind of on the pretty side. It turns out that Tuck teaches 8^th grade science at Molly’s school. Wow, Tuck with a job, I guess he had to get over Winnie sometime. Justin sarcastically says that his sides are splitting from laughter. I wonder if his lungs are splitting from paint fumes since he works and lives in the same place. Isn’t that even more dangerous?

Tuck asked Jennifer if she wanted to go for coffee sometime and Justin asks if his parents aren’t concerned that it will stunt his growth. Jen gives him a long hard look and asks if he wants to hear the story or not. He gives her the okay and she says she figured what the hell? “It beats sitting at home reading How To Get Through a Divorce.” and while I agree, hasn’t it been like 3 years? Jen says the rest is history, Justin says that for Tuck it’s modern and for his mother it’s ancient. You know, I would never get away with talking to my mom like this, in fact, my mom saw this scene with me and smacked me just because. “Just in case you ever get any ideas!” she tells me. So not only is Justin being a hypocritical little brat, but he’s causing me to get abused! I don’t want to hate him, but he’s making it very hard.

Jen correctly assumes that Justin doesn’t approve. Justin says he supposes that a woman of Jen’s age is entitled to a little fling provided it’s discreet. How old is Jen? Even if she waited until she was 30 to have Justin that still puts her under the 50 mark, it’s not like it’s Angela Lansbury hooking up with Jesse McCartney (see, you forgot about him already didn’t you?), or even worse, Brian hooking up with Justin. Jen lets Justin know that it’s just slightly more than a fling. In fact, they’ve been together for six months. Ha! Now while I’m completely on Jen’s side for this whole thing that was rather messed up. I guess Tuck got over Winnie faster than I thought. She tells him that she didn’t want to say anything until she knew it was serious. Justin says that she is most definitely not serious and that Tuck is 1/3^rd her age! Well now we see why Justin didn’t make it in regular school since that would make Jennifer 75, or Tuck just under 17, which was how old Justin was when Brian deflowered him! Justin says regardless, he’s still young enough to be her son. She says she doesn’t want to hear it, especially from Justin and takes her leave.