Screw Brandon to the Sticking Plate: QAF Recaplet 508 07/03/05

by StickyKeys Queer As Folk Episode 508 Aired 7-03-05

That's what I would have done at least, but Brian is a better man than I. Well, he's more of a man than I considering I'm a woman, but you get the idea. Brian "Easley" (blecch) won the boning bet and threw in a lot of really great one-liners in the process. Brandon, not quite as fugly as before I might add, accepted defeat defiatnly, but graciously. Brian has a lot of changes and revelations from friends that are finally speaking their minds and decides not to collect on his bet.

This episode ended up being about 15 shades brighter than I assumed and for that I am thankful, though I found myself making very odd decisions...

1. I too would have arrested Justin. I know, I know, but he took a political cause and used it to fight his personal vendetta which is not fair to the cause, nor advancing it in any way. It's has this "LOOK AT ME!" stench around it.

2. I sure wouldn't have helped that little punk move to the 19TH FLOOR of a gross apartment building with no elevators/kitchen/bathroom/standards. Didn't he make hella Hollywood money? What is this crap?

3. I would have given Justin the bed. I just wouldn't have helped him move it. And I would never visit. Not because it wouldn't be nice, but 19 flights? I would totally turn the lobby into a commons area.

Anyhow, as for the rest of the episode, Ben is still sad mopey dad. He finds a kid that said Hunter was moving somewhere warm (hmm, let's see? 17, No dad, no mom, used to be part of boy's group that he grew out of and now off to live on his own? He's so going to Santa Fe!) which leaves Ben cold until a heartwarming and obviously fake email saying Hunter's okay. Hopefully for Michael this means the "dry spell" is over.

Emmett thinks he has a stalker, but it ends up being Drew Boyd. Drew ran into some troubles and needs Emmetts support to help him Out.

Ted plays loyal side kick this week by acting as a sounding post for Brian, and as a revelation revealer for Emmett.

Deb yells a lot, but we get a good amount of Carl which has boded well for my immune system lately.

Justin's dad (who seriously looks like someone else, is that the same actor?) resurfaces in the War for Hate Prop 14, and has Justin arrested for being gay and outside. As I said I would have arrested him too, but only because I can't stand him. Sorry Petu! Heh heh Angie!


Mel looks more and more like a man everyday, and nearly hooks up with the tallest most weaveriffic woman in the world. Linds is sad because she really wanted her and Mel to be MeLinds again! I do too babe, don't give up just yet!


Overall it was a fun episode with only a few dry spots! I'm looking forward to recapping it, see you later this week!


Go to Recap: So That's What They Call a Family: QAF Recap 508 07-03-05

Life of Brian: QAF Recap 507 06-26-05 Page 1

A Lesson In Standards
by StickyKeys Queer As Folk Episode 507 Aired 06-26-05

Previously on QAF:
Toni McFugly fuglies up Babylon and is so fug that I guess he circles around to hott for every gay man in Torontosburg.
Rage finally made an honest man out of JT by agreeing to marry him much to the displeasure of the actual Rage.
Emmett tries to sex up TV by showing us his ugly underwear and almost gets fired in the process.
Ted decides that Aunt Pity Fuck doesn’t really suit him the way he’d like and decides to do some massive boning to remedy the situation.
Hunter leaves and dangit, it’s the one time I don’t want him to.
Brian gets all poetic on our collective butts and tries on some beautiful blouses. It’s visual and verbal entertainment. Much like this show.

Credits I’m trying to find something else to focus on in the credits. There are some possible choices, anything with Emmett dancing is nice, but it’s no GET IT BEN! Maybe next time.

My best “on location” friends Juanita and Jerrod were in town and I made them sit and watch with me, so this recap will be formatted a little differently than usual.
Talk about a crazy night to go with a crazy episode.

Brian’s Babylon Besieged by Brandon
We open with our usual music shots and people dancing. Brian is surveying Babylon while the dance club version of “Do You Really Wanna?” (which was already a dance version of itself) plays through the room. Walking through the club Brian hears lots of comments that could be about him,
“He’s amazing.”
“Unbelievable” Brian smiles and looks a bit incredulous, like “Oh, they’re talking about me? That’s so sweet!” but then,
“When did he move to town?”
“A couple weeks ago.” Brian stops cold and looks in the direction of the men talking. It turns out their talking about the new Fug on the block,
“I think his name is Brandon.” Brian gives this great WTF! look as we see Brandon looking all creepy by the bar drinking. Creepy and greasy.
“I hear he has the most beautiful cock.” Brandon tries to look smug but looks like he has Bell’s Palsy on his face.
Juanita: Wait girl! You’re going to have to fill me in on this. Who the fuck is Brandon and how he go’n be all in Brian’s shit like that!?
SK: Well evidently he’s supposed to be the new hott guy. He’s pretty fug to me. Last week I called him Toni McFugly.
Jerrod: I cracked up at the shit. How insane is it that they named him Brandon?
SK: I know, right? I’m surprised they didn’t name him Brian with a ‘y’ or some crap like that!
Juanita: How old is this song?
SK: How old are some of those patrons?
Jerrod: And how fat? Not even like, cute Bear fat, just gross fat.
SK: Whoever was casting for extras seriously needs to get fired, or at least reprimanded. On the plus side, closed captioning is WORKING IT tonight!
Jerrod: My uncle was highly pissed at you. (Of course I found out that Jerrod’s uncle is a closed captioner. Seriously, what are the frickin’ odds? How do you get a job like that anyway?) He said if he was in your market he would mess up all the words just to fuck with you.
SK: Well tell your Uncle I (I) said…. Sorry. Ahem. (I know, I know, how hard core, right? Well I need the captions people! Jerrod laughs at me and assures me he’ll pass on the message.)

Next Page

Take My Sunshine, PLEASE!: Qaf Recaplet 507 06-26-05

by StickyKeys Queer As Folk Episode 507 Aired 6-26-05

How can an episode have so much suck and so much awesomeness mixed together?

Possible Suck, but maybe not...,
Prop 14 - From the QAF Heteros Hate Homos Dept.
I just don't get this show sometimes, someone please tell me one of two things, 1) is Prop 14 just a state bill, or is the show saying it's national? 2) Is there real and actual legislation (like in real life) that mimics Prop 14? Is this an actual fight that's going on?

I need to know this before I form a solid opinion on the matter so any help would be greatly appreciated, please e-mail me.


The awesome:
Brian and Justin call it quits in some of the most character revealing, mind boggling, wonderful scenes in this show's history.

Brian squares off with "Brandon" (who I'm totally surprised they didn't name Ryan or some crap like that) and does some wonderful verbal acrobats that totally forces him to push his hypocrite button, but he does it so well that it works. That scene also gave me knew hope with the Brian character and much more to say about the future of Justin and Brian.

MeLinds, on the road to recovery.

Sad EMPLOYED Ben.

Ted and Troy trying position #653 in the Kama Sutra Guide to Gay Sex

Emmett with Eyeliner.

Brian/Ben Death Stare Match


The Suck:
Lindsay's entire storyline. The whole thing.

Justin moving into Squalor Heights to "find" himself and his mother being a big ol hater about his relationship with Brian. Whatever Justin's Mom!

Ben's class being interrupted by politics and him allowing it without exploring proper parrallels, or even trying to control the class at all.

The Rest of Ted and Troy

Debbie.

Michael/Brian drama.

Punkish rockish version of You Are My Sunshine... nuff said.

Oddly, absolutely no Hunter made me very sad this ep.


I know there's more, but I'm going to cruise the message boards for some reactions. See you later in the week!


Go To Recap: Life of Brian: QAF Recap 507 06-26-05

Life of Brian: QAF Recap 507 06-26-05 Page 2

A Lesson In Standards
by StickyKeys Queer As Folk Episode 507 Aired 06-26-05

Cry – ha – ha – ha – in… Over Him
Ben is sitting in the dark on Hunter’s bed in his room. Michael comes in with a wicked case of bedhead and says he wondered where Ben was.
“I rolled over and you weren’t there, what are you doing?” Ben is looking 16 shades of hot, but it’s sad, pouty hot, so it’s like a whole other dimension of hot. “Sitting here. Thinking.” Michael is worried about Ben and tells him to just come back to bed. Ben, of course, can’t sleep.

They are worried about Hunter and wondering where he is and hoping he’s alright. My question is, why don’t they go and get him, or at least find out where he is? Some posters on Moldy’s board correctly identified that Carl is a detective and would easily be able to keep an eye out for the boy. Or, you know Torontosburgh is only 10 square miles, they could just go for a walk and look for him. I hate this whole “Hunter has to be independent” thing because we know where it got him last time. At least try to go get him back.

Ben keeps search for something they could have said, they should have said, that would’ve changed his mind. Michael says Ben won’t think of anything because there isn’t anything (which, I know they’re feeling bad, but that’s a lie), he was determined to leave so he left. “There wasn’t anything we could have done to stop him. Why are you beating yourself up over it?” I don’t necessarily like Michael’s reaction, but I do like that he’s reacting this way because it’s totally a Michael thing to do. For the sake of drama I would have liked to see him get all riled up, but more on that in a bit.

“Because he was my blood.” Ben answers, and I totally understand that. There have been lots of scenes where Ben took ownership of Hunter. He tried to help him cope with being different because Ben knew what it was to go through those changes. He tells Michael, “You still have a healthy baby daughter Michael. She’ll be loved, sent to a good school. Raised in a world where she’ll have every chance, every opportunity. Not like Hunter who had nothing, less than nothing.”

Ben wanted to give him all the things he never had, and so did Michael, but Ben says he failed. Michael says they gave him a home, everything they could of themselves to make him part of their family. Ben realizes this but has one final question,
“Then why isn’t he still here?”

Jerrod: Michael looks really good in red- oh damn, and some gel, look at that bed head! (Michael looks like he has about 6 layers of spray on hair on his head. It’s hilarious because you know Dep stays in business because of him.)

SK: Look at Ben’s hair! (Ben is sporting some man-bangs. Like fresh out the rollers man-bangs. Are man-bangs gay? Because I like to think that they are, but then is that insulting to homosexuals? Because I think it is.) I have an elementary school picture where I sported bangs like that.

Jerrod: How did you not have a boyfriend? (After I get done beating the crap out of him with the nearest pillow, I ask Nina and Jerrod to weigh in on the rest of the scene.)

Nina: I still don’t get why they let him leave!

SK: Me neither, and I don’t know if they’re just not experienced, but they’ve grown really lax in their parenting. It used to be that Hunter was constantly getting yelled at about something, anything. Then all of a sudden they’re like, “Hunters a man now, he can make man-choices!” It’s a weird character development, mostly for Ben I think.

Jerrod: I remember you wrote something about how they change Ben to fit a storyline, and I think it’s most true here.

Nina: Ben is the only one who really goes crazy with the changes huh? First he’s one thing, then another.

SK: Your insight in that matter was spellbinding. (After I get beat down with a pillow, we continue.)

Nina: What was up with Michael in this scene? I mean that was his kid too, why didn’t he act more concerned.

Jerrod: You do that a lot [SK], you’re getting better, but I know times I used to call you and be all mad about some shit that happened, and you’d be like, “just calm down”. Used to stress me the fuck out.

SK: I do that a lot. And there are lots of reasons for it, but I think the one that relates to this scene is that Michael sees himself in a position that isn’t going anywhere. They could go look for him, but they won’t. They could ask Carl to look for him, but they’re not. So what’s the point of getting frustrated over something that’s not going to change? The problem with that logic is that sometimes you just want to be mad.

Nina: Ooh girl, yes! Sometimes you just want to cuss someone out and you know it isn’t rational, but dang.

SK: Exactly. If Michael were to realize that, I think he would have sat with Ben for a while, or something.

Jerrod: Yeah, look at you! Learning and applying, and stuff!

SK: QAF has changed my life… and it’s been for the better.

Nina: Now let’s all join hands and sing in the words of the old homo dance club hit, Q-A-F, Q-A-F, thank the mighty Diva there is Q-A-F!

Jerrod: What’s that sound?

SK: It sounds like someone rolling in their grave, huh.


Previous Page

Next Page

Life of Brian: QAF Recap 507 06-26-05 Page 3

A Lesson In Standards
by StickyKeys Queer As Folk Episode 507 Aired 06-26-05

What Happens When the Trojan Horse Is Sent Back With Postage Due?
Ted and Troy are getting it on in Ted’s red bedroom. At first I thought that the opera music was just part of the soundtrack, but they’re actually listening to opera music. Yeah, I would have shut that down a long time ago. This is the moment I knew that Troy really liked Ted, because he put up with this crap. It reminds me of that scene in Jerry Maguire where Chet gives Jerry this tape of crazy jazz hits. Him and Renee are getting freaky deaky uh uh and suddenly Jerry stops and is all, “what is this music?”

Troy has a tattoo of something on his back. It looks like a spider, or maybe a character of some sort? T&T finish bumpin’ uglies and stare at each other “lovingly”

SK: Troy is sexy fine and I hear from the QueerasFolk.com boards that he was in a Disney Channel movie that I somehow missed.

Jerrod: Yeah, he was in that one about the movie theater that was haunted.

SK: Was that a Halloween one? Because while I love Disney Channel movies, I have no tolerance for the Halloween ones.

Jerrod: Yeah, I think he worked concessions or some shit like that. They had a marathon and I had to watch the whole thing with JoJo (Jerrod’s little brother who is pure goodness rolled up in fluff and love. I really hope that kid never acts out because he is perfection now).

Nina: How do you go from Disney to Showtime?

SK: I find it oddly appropriate that Disney is the birthplace of freaks. They should set up some sort of catch and release program with Showtime, can you imagine the cross-over potential? Y’all know Rick Ullman is just itching for a cameo of Justin’s next lover.

Jerrod: Ha! Phil of the Future taking it up the ass!

SK: Do y’all like Ted’s bedroom? It just seems so intense to me, like how does he sleep?

Nina: I can’t stand that shit. It would weird me out to have my ass in the air and all this red around.

Jerrod: You’d probably think you were bleeding just from looking at the walls.

SK: You know how when girls hang out their periods all run together? I think the same is true of this room.

Nina: Yeah.

Jerrod: What?


You Better Get. That. Dirt Off Your Shoulder
“So did you fuck him over?” Emmett asks Ted. Our boys (and Brian) are at the gym getting a major workout of their mandibles,
“I fucked him over the couch, over the kitchen counter, over the coffee table.” Ted says, obviously pleased with himself. Brian smiles a little and asks Ted,
“Who do you think you are Theodore, Me?” I wanted Ted to say, “or Brandon”, but no such luck. That would have been awesome though, just to see the look on Brian’s face. Ted admits that he was pretty impressive, but Emmett still hasn’t heard the answer to his question, “But after you plowed him so deep you could plant corn…” Ha! All of us Nebraskans cracked up at the new potential meaning of “cornhusker”, and the beautifully priceless Brian reaction look. That was our first official guffaw of the evening, “That’s when you really gave it to him right?” Ted gives a look that obviously means no, “Right?” Emmett presses, “Teddy?” Ted says that he hasn’t yet, “Why rush it? It’s all so delicious.” Emmett looks all indignant, “Have you forgotten what that person did to you?” I love how at first Em told him to just let it go, but now he’s all “Screw his balls to the wall!” I think it’s because Emmett was against this plan to begin with, but now that he’s been forced to be a part of it, he wants it seen through. I’m a lot like Emmett that way. Emmett asks if Ted remembers how Troy humiliated him. Brian refreshes Ted’s drink with a slightly southern, “Aunt Pity Fuck”. You so know Brian started that.

Ted tries to cover himself with a “Thanks for the memories, that’s why I’m waiting for the exact right moment when the revelation of who I am will have maximum impact”, but I don’t quite see how that will work. So like, at the end of one of your sessions you’ll be like, “I’m Aunt Pity fuck.”, and Troy would be like, “Oh, okay. Fuck me.”
“Yeah, I know you feel bad.”
“No. Fuck me. Now.”
“Uh, okay.” And the cycle would continue until, I don’t know, forever? I just don’t understand Ted’s so called strategy if he didn’t do it right away. It’s a very stupid story line to begin with and the only thing that makes it worthwhile is the fact that we get to see a Disney kid in Kama Sutra position #654. It’s worth it I think, but that’s later.

Perhaps I should explain the set up of this scene a bit. Ted is sitting on some weight machine lifting with Brian standing on Ted’s right side, and Emmett on the left. Both Emmett and Brian are wearing black with some obvious red accents which I’m sure has some sort of meaning, but I can’t quite figure out what. Emmett is about to say something, but Brian asks to interject a word or two. “They say revenge is a dish best served cold, but in this particular instance it’s a dish best served hot and hard, and as many times as possible.” Emmett scoffs at this and says that Ted has served it as many times as McDonalds. Heh.

We get a closeup of Ted with Emmett and Brian talking and it turns into an inner dialogue of sorts. “Remember your plan, your strategy.” Then we get a shot of Ted blurred, with Emmett and Brian in focus (in the mirror) as good and evil on Ted’s shoulders. This is actually a pretty creative effect on the director’s behalf, but I think it would have been nicer if they could get some of the extras out of the way. Emmett tells Ted to screw his courage to the sticking place. I have no idea what that means, or rather, I understand the gist of it, but have no idea what it’s origins are. If anyone else knows holla at your girl!

Brian says to just screw, and Ted looks more and more confused.

Jerrod: Why do people keep listening to Brian’s ass?

SK: I know! I mean, don’t they know that he doesn’t really care about any of them except Mikey and maybe Justin? It just seems so odd that they follow his advice, get horrible embarrassed, and then give him credit for changing their lives. He’s like the worst friend ever.

Nina: But he’s fine and rich.

SK & Jerrod: Well there’s that.


Previous Page

Next Page

Life of Brian: QAF Recap 507 06-26-05 Page 4

A Lesson In Standards
by StickyKeys Queer As Folk Episode 507 Aired 06-26-05

Mama, I’m Coming Home!
Lindsay and her mother are in Lindsay’s apartment putting away groceries. Ma Petersen remarks that she had no idea Linds was living under such conditions. Linds and I both ask, “What conditions? It’s a perfectly decent apartment.” Ma Peterson says perfectly decent isn’t good enough for her daughter, but evidently not paying for her wedding, basically disowning her from the family, and heterosexuality is. Way to balance your set of morals there Ma. Lindsay says that at the moment it’s all she can afford. Y’all already know my thoughts on this stupid living arrangement MeLinds have so I won’t bore you again.

Linds’ mom has brought over a ton of groceries and it looks like some sympathy, and a bit of conniving. She’s in true WASP form wearing a sky blue twin set and double strand pearls. For some reason, despite knowing Melanie for 10 years Ma Peterson can’t seem to remember her name and wonders why “she” gets to keep the house. Linds says it was her decision to leave and when told that it doesn’t seem fair, she remarks that fair is not a word in her vocabulary. None of us understand the implications of that. Well, it’s more like we don’t care. None of us care.

Ma Peterson says, “Considering your current situation can we put all of our differences behind us?” Lindsay would like nothing better, and at first I thought this was Ma asking Lindsay to move in with her, but that ends up being her next request. What I hate about this little exchange is that Ma P is basically saying if Lindsay were happy they would still be at odds. It’s a nasty little thing that should have immediately sent a red flag up for Linds. Ma Peterson does in fact ask Linds to come live with them and Linds says it’s not a good idea and proceeds to use her child, instead of the years of hurt, as an excuse. You know I would feel more for Linds if this scene weren’t so awfully boring! I’m not a huge fan of Chez Peterson to begin with and when you add Linds’ dulcet delivery with her mother’s WASPy whisperings, and add a nice rainstorm outside, then you have the recipe for some good nappin’!

Ma Peterson knows the way to any Peterson’s heart is through the wallet and reminds Lindsay how much money she’ll be saving. Linds finally accepts and I think Linds shouldn’t tell Mel and still make her pay half the rent. That would be so boss!

Jerrod: Boss?

SK: Shut up!

Nina: Naw girl, I’m going to need your black card for that.

SK: I was speaking in the moment, I was pretending I was a WASP, don’t WASPs say “boss!”?

Jerrod: No, WASPs say splendid and delightful, and black WASPs, such as myself (Jerrod’s filthy stinking rich), say “really great!”

SK: Wouldn’t a black WASP be a BAAB?

Nina: Halle Berry thinks we should be B.A.P.S.

SK: I’ve always hated Halle Berry until this very moment. So we know that Lind’s mom is up to no good right?

Jerrod: Baby, I’m not even going to pretend to care.

Nina: Yeah, fast forward!

SK: Moving on.


Where Everybody Knows Your Name
We open on a shot of the lovely baby JR at the diner. Michael is playing with her feet and making adorable little cooing noises. Michael is just too cute, but you can also see a little bit of Hal just loving this baby to death. I wonder how Gus’s mother felt when she saw JR getting all this screen time. Remember that time during the first season when you forgot Gus even existed and then suddenly he could walk? Deb brings over some orders for our boys and girls, “Tuna melt for Michael, Grilled Cheese and bacon for Sunshine, (I’m sorry, a grilled cheese and bacon? I know Justin’s young and all, but is he trying to have a heart attack before he’s 22?), and for the Queer Guy a bunless burger.” Emmett takes his plate and says, “Just like me.”

Deb (who’s wearing another awesomely bad purple shirt that has a ruler on it and reads: Give ‘em an inch. They want all 12) looks a bit confused, “What?” Emmett sees this as a cue for this week’s “woe is me” monologue, “My producer has informed me that in the future when I am on screen, I have no ass, no dick, no sexuality. I am, as Brian was so kind to point out, a balless eunuch. Forgive me, that’s redundant (heh) whose sole purpose in life is to entertain the white folk. (Ha!) No longer a homosexual, instead a homo-ineffectual.” Yeah, and all of this because he can’t bone on the nightly news. I don’t want to have to issue my first ever, Shut Up Emmett, but he is getting dangerously close if he doesn’t let this news thing go, or think up some solution. I will cut him a little slack though. He has had to listen to everyone else’s problems and it’s funny that no one seems to care about his at all. Like no one, in fact Melanie hasn’t been listening and cuts in with, “Oh no!” Emmett thinks it’s about him and keeps talking, “Apparently [Torontosburg] isn’t ready to deal with the fact that queers are not only anatomically correct, but they actually use all their parts.”

Melanie (seemingly trying to save face?) says, “It’s not just [Torontosburgh]. Yesterday afternoon Family America (sigh), the conservative based citizen’s action group, announced that they’d collected enough signatures to have proposition 14 placed on the ballot in an upcoming statewide election If passed the controversial measure could dissolve a broad range of contracts between same-sex couples.” Deb goes off and Michael tells her to calm down. Melanie continues reading and we learn that, “Opponents say proposition 14 is one of the most homophobic pieces of legislation in our country’s history. It would effectively negate powers of attorney, wills, leases, child custody arrangements, joint bank accounts, and health insurance granted by companies that recognize domestic partnerships.” Michael looks horrified now, “Holy shit, that is everything!” Deb gives him the eyebrow and says, “Did I hear someone say don’t overreact?” Shut up Deb! I’ve about had it with her this season.

“That’s what some other people said once,” Mel says in response to overreacting, “next thing you know they were being shipped off to camps.” Right. First of all, Shut Up scene. Second of all, I don’t understand this legislation. Is it just for homosexuals? How would that not fall under the hate crimes category? Like, last time this happened people did end up in camps, but because of that there was more legislation so it would never happen again. I was also informed by snacktastic (love that name!) on Moldy’s boards that Pittsburgh even has hate-crime laws that protect transsexuals, so why is QAF trying to present them as this haven for homo-haters? Thirdly, I’m Christian and yes, I know that our beliefs are in direct conflict with this show, but please rest assure that we are not all bat crap crazy! For every “Christian” that would vote for some mess like this, there is a newly opened up spot in hell. I just don’t understand this push to make the life of a homosexual so hard. I mean if these “Christians” believe that homosexuals are going to hell, then isn’t that BAD ENOUGH?!? Why must we compound the offense and make their lives hell? That’s just ridiculous to me, because seriously, they know that they’re gay and they’re either going to be gay, or they’re not. Nothing you do is going to change that. So you can tell them they can’t have legal unions and you can take away their insurance, and break their joint bank accounts (which seriously, WTF?), but they will still be gay. It’s not like they’re going to say, “Well dang Jimmy, I did want to sleep with you, but we wouldn’t be able to get a lease arrangement anywhere!” Whatever stupid legislation. Whatever show.

And those are just my thoughts if it relates only to gay people. Please don’t let me find out that this is supposed to apply to everyone and will just hit gays the hardest.

Nina: Wait a minute, they can take away your joint bank account because you’re gay? (all of look at each other and start cracking up.) What the fuck?! How they go’n to break someone’s joint account?

Jerrod: I wish I would go to a bank and find out my joint account was broken cause I sucked someone’s dick.

Nina: There’d be some consequences and repercussions!

Jerrod: That’s some bullshit.

SK: You know Wachovia is probably going to be the first one to enforce that.

Nina: Girl! And then how are they going to say you can’t rent an apartment? That corny nut filled shit! What if you were only roommates?

SK: I think this is just another concoction of the He-Man Hetero Haters writing department. The messed up thing is that there is legislation similar to this out there, but the show just took it too far.

Jerrod: Exactly, the legislation out there is far more slick and probably far more dangerous, but since the show kind of went overboard it made it into a joke.

SK: Exactly, it’s like the Forrest Gump of hate legislation, it has everything.

Nina: What?!

Jerrod: I am so mad at you right now.


Previous Page

Next Page

Life of Brian: QAF Recap 507 06-26-05 Page 5

A Lesson In Standards
by StickyKeys Queer As Folk Episode 507 Aired 06-26-05

When Fantasy and Reality Collide
Justin and Michael are in the Comic book shop restocking shelves. Evidently they’d completely stopped talking about this subject and later decided to reconvene at a random spot in the conversation.
“They can’t do this can they?” Justin and the entire television viewing audience asks. Michael informs us that indeed they can, “They already have in Virginia, and a dozen other states are trying to do the same.” And no one’s appealed? And what’s been done? Have the laws actually been passed, or has the measure just been placed on the ballot? Is this for real? God, am I going to have to do RESEARCH!? I guess not because Justin doesn’t care about these details, he just knows that the proposition is a bad thing, “…If that happens it would destroy everything you and Ben have worked for, that you’ve built together!” Michael agrees, he says that he could even lose his health insurance from Ben’s job (I can see that), they could have their mortgage invalidated (this I still don’t understand), and they could lose the house (I don’t know). Justin has gotten some new bath salts that he’d like to share with Michael’s wounds and adds that Ben and Michael’s plans to adopt Hunter would be at jeopardy too (but that was already an issue wasn’t it? Before the legislation? Sigh). Michael looks hurt and a little embarrassed, but tells Justin, “You mean if he ever comes back?” Justin apologizes and I assumed that Justin didn’t know about Hunter, but if he does, then that was an extra incredibly crappy thing to say. Odd.

Michael changes the subject, “It’s not just Ben and me, it’s everyone. MeLinds and the kids, MontEli… maybe even you.” Justin kind of rolls his eyes and Michael says that if him and Brian were to ever get together… Justin snottily says they won’t, but Michael says you never know, Brian could mellow. Justin says Brian’s not a hearty Burgundy and is not going to mellow. Heh, because I’m 12 I’m instantly reminded of the great tome, “If it’s yellow, let it mellow. If it’s brown, flush it down” and that makes me giggle a little. Justin is not in a giggling mood though, he tells Michael, “Whatever that proposition would take away is something he’s not willing to give me in the first place.” We zoom out on the boys and I notice that this is a small shop with customers.

Nina: How’s he just going to air all his business in front of those people?

SK: I would go there everyday, just to listen, and make commentary.

Jerrod: Justin’s a bit bitter huh?

SK: Well I’d be too, actually I wouldn’t because I don’t think I’d ever be in that situation, but you know.

Nina: You don’t think you’d ever fall in love with an older man who convinced you to be in a polygamous relationship?

SK: Um. No.

Jerrod: That’s why you can’t find no man, your standards are too high.


Two Steps Forward, Two Steps Back
MeLinds are at the mans talking about Lindsay going to live with her parents. Linds feels it’s a perfectly viable option, and Mel adds that so is jumping off the roof. Oh Mel, always there with the one-liners. Linds gives her a small can of “STFU” and tells her that they’re still her family. Melanie’s never been one for canned goods and says that Linds’ family is “A family that never accepted you, or me, or our children…. now they show up out of the blue to rescue you. I smell goyim.” I have very little knowledge of Yiddish, but I guess that means crap of some sort? Linds insists that it’s possible for people to change. Mel observes that, “People, yes. Your parents, no.”

Linds is wearing a nice beige herringbone hip length coat, and her hair is looking less and less like she’s on crack, or Nicole Ritchie. I hate Linds’ line delivery in general, but especially in this scene. It’s like she’s singing “The Rain in Spain” from My Fair Lady, but like, with talking.

SK: Wake up! (Jerrod and Nina wake with a start and the show continues).


Releasing the Animal Within
Ted and Troy are getting down and dirty in several positions in Ted’s apartment. It reads like a really bad sometimes rhyming poem almost:

Troy in Ted on dining table. Ted has on horrid hiking boots. Eww.
Ted in Troy. Loaf of bread behind Troy’s head.
Troy in Ted over couch. Troy drinks Evian. It’s naïve spelled backwards.

That’s copywrited y’all!

So we get done with all of this generic sexin’ and embark upon the Best.Position.Ever. Okay, we see Ted on both hands in a handstand, and Troy is positioned somewhere behind him. We go to a side view and see that Troy is folded in half (bent over), so his head and hands are on the floor, as well as his toes, and Ted is entering him from the back. It’s definitely something to try, though I worry about the occurrence of head rush.

Jerrod: I’ve done that.

Nina: Why?

SK: With who?

Jerrod: We were bored so we wanted to try something else.

Nina: So you chose that? It seems like too much work!

SK: Wait, who was this with?

Jerrod: With Sandy from Rockport.

SK: You know someone named Sandy? It’s such an oddly transgendered name, I always assumed it was just made up for TV. It takes a special person to pull off Sandy.

Jerrod: It takes a flexible person to pull of Sandy in that position.

After the best position ever, we get one last sexin’ with Ted on bottom, and Troy on top. They finish and are exhausted! Troy lies on top of Ted and suddenly we hear Emmett talking, “Congratulations stud, that’s your thrid time tonight.” Ted looks up and it seems that Emmett and Brian are on the ceiling. Again Brian’s on Ted’s right and Emmett’s on the left. At first I thought they were continuing their red and black motif, but this time Brian is wearing a chocolate brown pinstripe shirt. Okay? Ted wants to know who’s keeping score, and Emmett says he is. Emmett looks at Ted disgustedly, “Look at him so smug, so self-satisfied.” Troy has a butt that won’t quite. Just thought I’d mention that. Emmett explains that, “Now is the perfect time to send him off with his not-unattractive tail between his legs.”

Brian adds his two cents and asks, “What the fuck for? You’ve got the son of a bitch where you want him, with his (bangin) ass in the air, and it’s not a bad one I might add.” Emmett and Brian go back and forth in Ted’s head,
“Don’t listen to him! Tell!”
“What the hell does he know? Fuck!” Ted finally gets fed up and yells, “Would you get off my back?!” Troy (who’s one Ted’s front) says “huh?”. Ted recovers and tells Troy that he’s getting a little heavy. He’s not heavy Teddy, he’s your lover. Troy decides that now is the time to finally start listening to Ted and says, “It’s like there was something you wanted to tell me.” Are you going to let him say it this time? Can he finish? Can.. can he finisht? Ted takes this opportunity and says, “Actually there is. You, uhh, you want to go to Babylon tomorrow night?” Brian cracks up because he knows how pathetic this all is, and because that’s how Brian is, that’s what he does. He could care less about any of this as long as it entertains him. Closed Captioning is really up on their classical music and inform me that “Ride of the Valkyries” plays as Brian tosses down the lube.

SK: I wonder how they film scenes like this? I mean, I know you have to be true to your art, but that has to be weird to be naked in front of all those people, and then pretending your having sex.

Jerrod: It’s not that bad when you get lost in it. (Juanita and I give Jerrod a look) Yeah, I said it!

There’s so many things about him I don’t know.


Previous Page

Next Page

Life of Brian: QAF Recap 507 06-26-05 Page 6

A Lesson In Standards
by StickyKeys Queer As Folk Episode 507 Aired 06-26-05

Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off
Justin is sitting on the couch as Brian comes home from Babylon, he’s trying to be non-chalant, but you can tell he’s really nervous. Brian gets a bottle of water out of the fridge and we get a flashback to when he and Justin first met, and he poured the water over his head and shook out his hair all sexy like. I think this is Justin’s memory, because he shakes his head a little. It seems like he’s trying to shake the memory out of his head to make what he’s about to do easier. He’s looking for just the right time to say something, but it’s Brian that speaks first.
“Club was packed tonight.”
“Hmm, that’s nice.”
“A line all the way around the block.”
“Great”
“Barely any room on the dance floor.”
“Whatever else happens by all means keep on dancing.” Now Brian’s known that Justin has been unhappy for quite a while. I refuse to believe that they’ve been sleeping together during all of this, but you never know with these two. Brian notices Justin’s lack of response and finally asks him, “What about you dear, how was your evening?” Justin gets up some nerve, and gets off the couch to walk towards Brian, “Not nearly as exciting as yours.” Brian has a sectional that I don’t remember ever remember seeing. It’s gorgeous! It’s a creamy linen color, and just has a basic L shape, but it is resplendent with pillows in various hues of cream and dark brown. Absolutely lovely. Justin is looking nice too. He’s just wearing a blue long sleeved t-shirt, but it works for him and goes smashingly with his white shoes with blue stripes on them. Anyhow, Justin tells Brian what he did for the evening, “I spent it here alone, thinking. And don’t say, ‘always a dangerous sign’.” Brian pulls the zipper on his mouth shut.

Justin continues, “I made some decisions.” Brian asks about what, and Justin says his life. Brian kind of raises his eyebrows and says, “ah”. Justin continues that he’s finally discovered what he wants. Brians tells Justin, “I thought you already had that worked out. You were going to live off your considerable Hollywood wealth and try your hand at being an artist.” I like this reaction from Brian because it’s very, “see? I listen to you, I know your dreams!” It’s such an interesting development because Brian is trying everything he can think of to not make this conversation happen, but still keep his pride. Justin’s not having it though, “Why are you making fun of me?” Brian insists he’s not making fun (and I don’t think he was, I think he was just caught off guard), and Justin gets this look on his face that says, “Aren’t you?” Brian has this wonderfully painful, “WTF are you talking about?” look because he knows, but I don’t think he understands, or he understands, he just refuses to accept it?

Finally Brian says, “Look, you’re making me fucking nervous as hell. Just tell me what you want, what you decided, so we can go to bed and fuck.” This was the part I loved because it totally exposed Brian’s fear, and the fact that he knew he exposed it and tried to cover it up. It’s also interesting to note that Brian never said, “tell me what you want, I’ll give it to you”, because for Brian that’s never an option, which of course is the problem. Justin tells Brian that he already knows what Justin wants and he’s told him plenty of times. Brian agrees that Justin has listed his desires, “A husband. A family. A Home. All the things that make life worth living.” Justin hits the counter beside him, “Would you fucking cut it out? Just STOP it.” Brian looks perplexed and a bit surprised that his little sunshine is yelling at him like this. Justin continues, “And I know you can’t give me those things.” Brian regains some of his jerkitude and says, “Not can’t. Can’t implies that I’m incapable. It’s that I won’t.” Justin stupidly says, “I accept that. I suppose it’s why I’ve always loved you.” Brian and the rest of the world snort snidely, “Oh, the un-tameable beast.” Justin’s not one to get deterred though, and says, “But to be a couple, both people have to want the same things. To move in the same direction. If they can’t… or won’t, they really have nowhere to go. Brian agrees with this sentiment, and Justin asks, “Then why are we still doing this if we both know it’s never going to work?” Brian is quiet, but looks like he’s going to cry, again his eyes are really gorgeous. All Brian says is, “Damned if I know.” Justin looks at Brian, wanting more, but not receiving it.

He begins to walk off leaving Brian there grasping at the last threads of his pride. Justin walks to the bedroom where he puts on his jacket. He seems to pause just slightly as if giving Brian one more chance, but then he grabs some pre-packed bags and heads towards the door. Brian rolls his eyes in a “I can’t believe this is happening, this is such a hetero thing!” type of way that seems to be a front. He crosses the kitchen to meet Justin. Justin sets his bags down in what seems to be a way of saying, “We could have been happy, but you chose otherwise” only a little sweeter. Justin grabs Brian and pulls him into a hug. It makes my neck hurt and I wish Justin would step on his bag for more leverage. Brian waits for a minute and then puts his arms around Justin. This is when the tears started, I’m the biggest sap in the world. We get a long shot of Sunshine not wanting to let go, but knowing he has to. We cut to Brian who’s seeming to look away from the situation. Finally he asks, “Where ya going?” Justin says, “I’ll figure it out.” Brian seems to break the hug abruptly. I think he knows on the verge and won’t let that happen. Justin grabs his bags and makes his way for the door. “Let me know.” Brian says looking at Justin one last time. Justin is about to say something but declines. This is the weird thing about Brian, because I don’t know how much he loves Justin. Meaning, I know he cares, but at this point in the scene, is he reacting to Justin leaving, or to rejection in general? It’s a very interesting scenario.

Jerrod: This is kind of parallel to when Hunter left.

StickyKeys: Yeah, I was thinking that too, except I think the difference is that Ben and Michael had things they should have said but couldn’t, and Brian has things he should have said but wouldn’t.

Nina: I hate that they let Brian get away with that shit, I mean how long do you have to get screwed over before you tell Brian to hit the fucking road?

StickyKeys: Apparently 4 years.

Jerrod: Or four weeks.


Little Lesbians in Pretty Boxes
Grandpa Ron tells Gus he’s turned into a monster! And indeed he has, that kid grows an inch each episode. Lindsay is unpacking a suitcase and her mother is on the bed not helping. Linds is already reliving the horrors of living at home when she discovers that her mom still has her prom picture up. I can’t see it clearly from her, but her hair seems to be even worse back then so maybe I won’t rag on her too much about it now? Nah. Even Linds comments on the ugliness of her hair and gown and says it’s embarrassing, but Mama Peterson disagrees, “You know sometimes I come in here and I just sit.” This surprises Linds and her mother says, “Sometimes I feel it’s all I have left of you.” And of course that’s completely Linds’ fault, darn her for wanting to be a lesbian! Linds thanks her mom for her generosity and Ma Peterson says it’s her pleasure. She then tells Lindsay that they have some people coming for dinner tonight, “Just Al and Lois Zagerman and someone from Dad’s office.”

Lindsay dodges everyone of the falling anvils in that statement and tells her mom not to worry because she’ll stay out of the way. Not to be set back, Ma Peterson pulls out the big guns telling Linds, “Elvira’s making your favorite, Salmon in dill sauce. (That would be Linds favorite) I told her it was your welcome home dinner!” I knew right then that Ma Peterson was up to no good. How do you plan a welcome home dinner and then invite people, and then not tell the person who’s coming home? I had to break my mom of that real early. It’s a long story, but it involved me in pajamas and rollers and picking prime rib out of my teeth with my pinky nail. Sometimes experience is the best teacher. Lindsay caves much to her mother’s delight, “So good to have you back.” Linds looks pleasantly surprised, and I know it’s one thing to search for love, but I never knew Lindsay to be this needy. I remember how during her wedding her parents wouldn’t pay for it and she was devastated but she pulled through. I guess at that time she was with Mel, but still, very odd.


StickyKeys, Nina, Jerrod: SSsnnnzzzzzzzz


Previous Page

Next Page

Life of Brian: QAF Recap 507 06-26-05 Page 7

A Lesson In Standards
by StickyKeys Queer As Folk Episode 507 Aired 06-26-05


Supposing Hunter’s Toeses For Roses, and Ending up With a Nosefull of Feet
We open on pouty, glasses Ben who’s holding a book, but not reading it. Le sigh my dearest, Le sigh. Michael comes downstairs looking fabulous in a red shirt. I think it’s because of his skin complexion, but that boy can pull off red. He tries to cheer Ben up with a little banter.
“Reading the DVD titles? I do that sometimes to make sure I don’t need glasses. Singing in the Rain, Some Like it Hot, Dirty Harry. How’d that get there? Oh yeah, I remember, I thought it was a porn film.” That’s precious, but Ben looks about two seconds from bursting into "The Best Things In Life Are Free" from the Good News soundtrack, I mean homeboy has me watering up, again. Hal mistakenly says that he’s not funny (shut up! I love Hal!), and asks Ben to go to the Bed, Bath and Beyond (or as CC says, Bed, Bath, and Begone, heh) with him, “I’m buying some throw pillows for the bed. Queer Guy says it’s a stylish and inexpensive way to accentuate the color scheme and enliven a room (for all the sexy gay sex you’ll be having as demonstrated on the 9 o’clock news) Of course, we don’t need pillows to enliven a room do we?” Yeah Mikey babe, I feel your pain, but now is not the time for sexin’.

Ben is still looking at the DVD’s and reminiscing of how he used to watch them with Hunter, “He’d never even heard of Singing in the Rain. He loved it, he must have seen it 95 times.” Michael nods and deadpans, “And that was even after he wasn’t gay!” Ha HA! That cracked all of us up, I wonder if Hal suggested that line because it’s such a Hal thing to day. I loved that so much that I rewound it many times and was forced to give up control of the remote. Ben isn’t as amused and finally Michael pleads with Ben to come with him. Michael is being a very good husband I think. He’s staying very true to character, and trying to help Ben as well as he knows how. Ben says that everything in the house reminds him of Hunter. Michael says that’s why it’s a good idea to get out of the house and take our minds off of things for a while. And I agree, because the sadness and sulking will be there when you get back.

Michael tells Ben about a meeting at the LGBT center about proposition 14. Ben doesn’t see the point, but Michael says they should go, “They’re going to need some volunteers. Who better than someone as intelligent, well-informed, authoritative, and not to mention hott as you?” I agree with all of those but one, have fun guessing which one. Ben says the last thing he wants to think about right now is another gay cause. I know that seemed completely insensitive and selfish, but I’m feeling him there. Well, not necessarily in this situation, because that was a more an effect of Hunter not helping himself, but I feel the overall sentiment. Sometimes you just want to take a break from saving the world. It’s a job with sucky benefits and the only rewards you get is that people treat you the way they should have been treating you all along. Michael insists that it’s not just another gay cause, “When we got married, you said this was just the beginning. Well now it looks like it’s the beginning of the end!” Ben starts to get up but Michael grabs him, “Listen, I’m just as upset about this as you are. Everytime I hear the door open, or the phone ring, I think it’s him. I just thought it would make us both feel better if we got involved in something.” Ben says he doesn’t want to get involved and he couldn’t give a shit about prop 14, 15, or 16, “all I care about is where is he, is he alright, am I ever going to see him again? So let someone else sit on that goddamned committee, I’ve given enough.” And while I agree with him on some levels, since he’s doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to find out anything about Hunter, I might have to give my first ever SHUT UP BEN! Since he’s feeling bad we’ll wait and see, but it’s looming there Pal, be careful!

SK: Ben is just sexy as crap!

Nina: Girl! He looks like he would just throw your ass around and do all kinds of shit to it!

Jerrod: Do you need a break?

Nina: No (fans herself) I’m okay.

SK: So I understand Ben being upset over Hunter, but for the sensitive Buddhist type he sure picks his hissyfits you know?

Jerrod: Yeah, he’s always going off about some shit. I hate that he’s alienating everyone and I also hate that they’re trying to make Hunter’s shit smell like roses, like he was the perfect child.

SK: Definitely, because that was a bad butt little boy, but he won me over at the end. They always do this on this show, as soon as I love someone they get rid of him.

Nina: Like who?

SK: Vic, Hunter, and Chris Hobbs.

Jerrod: Chris Hobbs?

SK: Yeah, after Michael/Brian I ship Hobbs/Taylor, I have a thing for crazy white boys. I used to be in love with Scott from Higher Learning, and then Edward Norton in American History X. It’s like taming the ultimate bad boy. Nina nods in agreement, and Jerrod just shakes his head.

Jerrod: That’s the sickest, sexiest shit I think I’ve ever heard.



You’re Gonna Make It Afterall!
“I can’t believe he let you walk out like that, and didn’t even try to stop you?” Justin, Deb, and Emmett are handing out info flyers on Liberty Avenue to the passersby. Justin has leaked the news of his breakup to a displeased Deb. “I didn’t expect him to.” Emmett tells the Justin that if he and Brian would have bothered to ever finish a Jackie Collins novel, they would know that in the end the couple always ends up together and living happily ever after. Justin says that’s why it’s fiction. I haven’t been Justin’s biggest fan over the seasons, but I hate that Brian has made him so bitter and disillusioned to the workings of the world. It’s an odd color on him. It’s funny because this whole scene set up is them passing out flyers about Prop 14, but they don’t seem to interested in the task at hand. If I were in the middle of JustBri drama I don’t think I’d be interested in much else either.

They try to give a flyer to one walker who tells them that they need Jesus in their lives. Well okay then. Emmett says, “Yeah, and you need a good blow job that is if you can find someone to give you one, and don’t come looking at me!” Said that man that sucked Schickle’s pickle and slept with an engaged quarterback. It’s an odd comment because we know Emmett has no standards. It’s one of the things I love about him.

Deb starts in with, “That no good son of a bitch!”, but it turns out she cares more about JustBri too, “how could he do that to you after all these years?” Despite their separation Justin stands by his man, “He didn’t do anything, I wanted one thing and he wanted another” and blah blah blah, let’s move on. Emmett asks where Justin’s going to go and Justin says he’ll think of something. Debbie extends an invitation to Debbie’s boarding house,

Jerrod: He could probably live here. (Nina cracks up at this and I give Jerrod an evil look. Our situations with live-ins has never been good except when Nina stayed with us. And even then we got in our first friendship fight about personal stuff and space. Anyhow, my roster of live-ins include what we thought were normal God fearing people that ended up being: a nudist exhibitionist, a drag queen hustler, a crack head thief (that pawned my mom’s rings, felt guilty about it so he gave her the pawn tickets, but no money to get the rings out), a gay drag queen psycho nut job that ran up over $300 of SATELLITE PORN, ran up my mom’s credit card, put us on mailing lists for every gay porn catalogue (which wouldn’t be so bad, but that’s not the point right now), and made it so I had to use the insurance money I had to fix Bertha (my old Ford Aerostar van may she RIP) to fix his mess, a crazy girl that I thought everyone liked but ended up everyone hated for reasons that I found out later but mostly amounted to vast amounts of talking during porn (which was actually porn gay psycho taped which we thought was Bridget Jone’s Diary) and not good snarking, but like, “You guys we shouldn’t be watching this, OMG!”, and Angel Jennings who was so not. But I digress.)

Deb says that Emmett could share his room, but I’m guessing Emmett has other plans for his room than sharing it with a 21 year old. Like sharing it with a 21 year old. Justin has it all figured out though, he’s going to stay with Ben and Michael until he gets a place of his own. Deb says he’s too young and Justin remarks that he’s no longer a boy (not yet a man). Emmett said he never was a kid and Justin agrees saying it’s time he made it on his own. Emmett says, “Like Mary!” and it’s such an obvious sequence that they taped separately that it’s a little jarring. Very off. Justin says that even though he’ll miss Brian that this will be good for him, “Right?” Emmett says right, and Deb says, “Damn right” a little less enthusiastically. They end by finally getting back to work, “Vote no on 14!”

SK: Poor Justin, you know he’s going to have to explain this one forever!

Jerrod: I wish he would just get ghetto with it, like “I’m not with him because his ball sac smelled like the mother fuckin’ zoo! (For some reason this cracks everyone up for days. Good times)


Previous Page

Next Page

Life of Brian: QAF Recap 507 06-26-05 Page 8

A Lesson In Standards
by StickyKeys Queer As Folk Episode 507 Aired 06-26-05

Dinner With The Zagerman’s: An Act in Three Parts
Part One: The Intimate Nature of Man
“Oh, excuse me folks, I gotta go pee again, damn prostate.” We open at dinner with an inappropriately irregular Al Zagerman. His wife coils in embarrassment, “Al, please!”
“Oh don’t be embarrassed honey, it’s not as though I brought up the hemorrhoids.” Well gee, thanks for the discretion! Lois gives her best, “oh YOU!” head shake and makes it known that this outburst was a regular thing, “What can I say? Al is Al.”

SK: No excuses no regrets eh?

Nina: He is so Brian in 30 years.

Jerrod: You know he’s the total bad boy of his golfing club.

Lindsay is sitting next to a man who seems to be a little more sensible and much closer to her age range, “I’m afraid I’m a little young for this crowd, my prostate’s still in working order. But I can show you my tennis elbow if you like!

All of us: Wakka wakka!

It turns out this gentlemen (who’s name we find out after more than 20 minutes on screen in two different scenes is “Steven”) is an associates of Lindsay’s father. They’ve worked together for about five years. Steven correctly identifies Lindsay’s place of business as the Sidney Bloom Gallery, “I don’t get by gallieries that much but I did catch the Sam Arbuch show (of course he did), did you have anything to do with that?” Lindsay is noticeably uncomfortable but answers to the affirmative, “Actually, I put it together.”
“You did a great job! And the mural down at Penn Plaza? It’s a knockout!” I’m pleasantly surprised that they didn’t have him say, “It was a bang!”, or “It was heterosexual sex with a lesbian!” or something equally as anvillicious. Lindsay agrees it’s great, “It’s bold, larger than life, completely unpredictable, much like the man. And like the man, best appreciated from a safe distance.” Okay? Ahh, we see Linds graduated from the Al Zagerman School of Too Much Information, and with honors! Linds’ mom comes and tells them that the old folks are going to look at pics from the Zagerman’s Alaskan cruise and to make their escape. This is such an obvious setup which takes Ma Peterson’s meddling to a whole new level. I hope to be like her one day.


Go Now, Go
Ted’s at the same club that him and the boys have gone to for the past 4 years, but for some reason he looks surprised to see Emmett come up to him. If Ted was trying to hide the fact he didn’t tell Em about Troy, why didn’t he invite him to Poppers? Is Poppers still open? Emmett doesn’t seem too phased, he wants dirt, “I wanna know, how did it go when you told him?” Emmett is wearing a black muscle shirt with a white square of print on the front. He has on a heart rhinestone necklace and generally looks a mess, but above the neck he has on some black smudged eyeliner around his eyes. Y’all? Hott. I don’t know why, but ever since Ricky on My So Called Life, I haven’t minded mascara or liner on men. Anything to bring out the pretties I guess.

Emmett keeps pressing Ted and finally comes to the conclusion that not only has Ted not told Troy, but, “Oh my God! You’re falling for him aren’t you? I can see it in your eyes!” Thankfully for Ted, Brian enters the scene, “Hey look there’s Bri, great to see you.” Heh. Emmett asks Brian why he’s there and Brian goes on some blah inducing thing about the meaning of life, “Why am I here? Blah blah blah smoke up my own ass blah blah.”, but then he makes up for it by saying, “The best answer I can come up with is that we live in [Torontosburgh], where the fuck else am I going to go?” Heh.

Nina: Why is Brian still in [Torontosburgh]?

Sticky: Huh. I don’t know, I remember thinking about it when he was supposed to move to New York why he hadn’t done it sooner, but I’m not so sure.”

Jerrod: Pittsburgh is his spot. He knows it and he’s built a reputation that he doesn’t have to work hard to maintain. Right now he’s the king of [Torontosburgh], if he moved to New York he might be the king of Greenwich.

SK: Or of Christopher Street between like 3rd and 33rd ave.

Jerrod: You have no idea what you’re talking about do you?

SK and Nina: Do I (Does she) ever?

Ted clarifies, “I think Em meant he didn’t think you’d be here considering you and Justin broke up.” Emmett and Ted offer up their condolences, but Brian insists he’s not devastated, “and you’re not sorry so please, spare me the sentiments and the sentimentality.” He turns and sees Brandon. Ted is pleased to learn of Brian’s condition, “It’s a relief to know you won’t be dying of a broken heart anytime soon.” Em is equally impressed, “Silly of us to even think you had one.” Brian goes through The Idiot’s Guide to Getting Info on Your Ex handbook and lands on Chapter 5: How to get your bitchy friends to give up info in a way that makes them think they volunteered it.
“I’m doing just fine,” He says as he tests the waters, “and I’m sure Justin is too.” Em and Teddy bitchily rush to inform Brian that Justin’s great. Emmett tells us, “He’s doing more than fine, he’s picked himself up, dusted himself off and started all over again.” Brian continues on with his not really caring front, “Glad to hear it, be sure to give him my regards the next time you see him.” Ted says, “You can tell him yourself the next time you’re over Michael and Ben’s.” This is a little cute because you can tell that maybe Ted and Emmett are enjoying this a little. Brian is noticeably pissed when he hears Justin is at Ben and Michael’s. Em has a little margarita salt left over to rub into Brian’s wound, “He’s moved in with them.” Yeah, they’re definitely having fun. Brian is very upset now and takes care of his anger the productive way, with another shot.



Dinner With The Zagerman’s: An Act in Two Parts
Part Two: Revelations
This scene started with a cute/creepy story involving the happenings between a five year old and his penis. It was nice, but it was long and boring. Hey! Just like this scene!

Basically Steven tells Lindsay that they should ger together for lunch. She accepts his offer but makes sure to let him know that she’s a lesbian. Steven looks completely flabbergasted (if not a little turned on?), “That’s not what your parents said.” Linds has this great, “oh Lord” look on her face and asks, “What did they tell you?” Steven wipes some sweat off of his brow, “That you’d just broken up… with a man. Huh.”

SK: Wow, that would be messed up if you were invited to someone’s house to meet a potential mate and find out that they’re gay. (silence) You guys?

Nina & Jerrod: Snnnzzzzzz

SK: you guys suck![/whisper]



For Aunt Pity Fucks Everywhere
Ted is still at bar, you know I don’t ever recall seeing him actively dancing, it’s an interesting thing about Ted. Troy finally comes around and greets Ted with a , “Hey hot guy! I bought some friends, I want them to meet you!” Ted says that any friends of Troy’s are friends of his and turns to wave at them but is intercepted by Emmett dancing in circles chanting, “Aunt Pity Fuck, Aunt Pity Fuck!”
“Who was that?” Troy asks, Ted answers hilariously, “Some FREAK!” Heh. Some nameless guy comes up and asks Troy if he remembers him, “we hooked up a few months ago?” Troy looks confused and obviously doesn’t remember this guy, “Sure, yeah.” The guy looks hopeful, “You never called, you probably lost my number [ and even though you’re here with someone] I’m going to give it to you again, promise not to lose it.” Troy nods, “Okay, cool. [Even though I’m here with someone I’m going to take your number and make you think I’m going to call]!” You know, I wonder why he would act like this in front of anyone in general, but I remember that Troy is a life-long member of the Beautiful People’s Club so all of his friends probably know about this behavior. In fact, someone probably suggested the Pity Fuck program to Troy so he could work off his Civil Service requirement. As soon as Nameless leaves, Troy makes a big production of tearing up number, saying it was probably one of his pity fucks. Ted knows the pity fuck well, for see, he used to be one of them.

Troy is shocked, SHOCKED, “What? But you’re hot!’ and it’s about this time that I realized that getting rid of Troy wasn’t really a loss. Ted says that back then Troy didn’t think Ted was such hot stuff, “Pride 2002?” Troy suddenly realizes who Ted is, “I knew there was something familiar about you.”

Jerrod: Yeah, like his fucking face! (Nina and I go to give Jerrod a hug, it’s been a rough season for him. Y’all think I’m mean? Jerrod’s recap would consist of dick jokes, drunken slurs, and random acts of violence against even the most miniscule cast or crewmember. I just sold you on him didn’t I?)

“I was your pity fuck, a fact you made painfully clear. Well guess what? Now you’re mine.” Ted looks nervous as he says this, but is holding his ground, “don’t look so bewildered, I sought you out, waited for the right moment. Guess this is it?” Ted’s eyes are wide and his pretty little lashes are just flapping in the wind. Troy can’t believe this, “You’re kidding right?” Ted shakes his head, “fraid not, but hey, look at it this way, you’ll always have something to remember me by.” Troy still can’t believe it, “You’re dumping me” Ted confirms this to be true and says, “it’s a fag eat fag world”

All of us: Literally!

Troy is outraged, “Fuck you! I liked you, I really did!” He walks off to join his little friends as Ted looks around sadly. He looks up into the balcony and sees Emmett clapping. Emmett makes some tracks around the club! I would be sadder for Ted if we saw him and Troy have any sort of conversation or a meal, or anything but awesome sex. Basically these “feelings” that Ted is having is one of boner’s remorse and not actual matters of the heart. At least that’s the way it seems.


Previous Page

Next Page

Life of Brian: QAF Recap 507 06-26-05 Page 9

A Lesson In Standards
by StickyKeys Queer As Folk Episode 507 Aired 06-26-05

Stand By Your Man
It’s the middle of the night and a loud banging on the door wakes Ben up. He runs down stairs telling the knocker that he’s on his way, it’s funny how they don’t assume it’s Hunter. It turns out to be a scalawag of a different breed, “Brian?” Ben asks as he opens the door. I kind of understand why Michael and Ben took Justin in, but I wonder why Michael didn’t tell Brian about it. I think it’s a little payback for the whole “Brian not telling Michael about the MeLinds breakup”. Brian is in full form and praises Ben’s visual skills, “Excellent Professor, you recognize the subject and can identify him by name!” Ben tells him that they’ve gone to bed and Brian makes some fuss about all of the Stepford hubsters going to bed early. Ben drags Brian inside and tells him that he’s going to wake up the whole neighborhood. Brian thoughtfully puts out his cigarette and comes into the house, and makes a little request.
“I wanna see your wife. Where is the little woman? I mean, little husband.” Ben starts to say “If you’re referring to Michael-“ but closed captioning says “Mel” and that confuses me forever. Brian’s not so easily confuddled, “Who the fuck else would I be referring to?!”
“He’s ASLEEP!” HEY EVERYONE, LET’S WAKE HIM UP BY SHOUTING! WHEEEEE!! Brian likes my idea, “Rouse him, wake him up! Michael, you get your ass down here!” Ben tries to lead Brian towards the door and tells him doubly that everything is alright and Brian should go. Brian says he’s not going anywhere, but Ben says that Brian needs to get his drunken ass out of his house.

All of us: Jerry Jerry Jerry!

SK: Ben would tear Brian up!

Jerrod: Please, Brian would have Ben’s ass! (Jerrod’s a hardcore Brian lover and thinks that Ben is a Johnny come lately who after three years still hasn’t paid his dues)

Nina: You’d have Ben’s ass!

Jerrod: That I would… (we all look at him a bit puzzled). What? Shit, Brian can watch!

Unfortunately we don’t get to see Ben and Brian get at it because Michael comes in to “Kate” up the situation. “Ben it’s okay, I’ll handle it, go to bed.” Michael says. It probably sounds like a whisper to Ben and Brian since Michael is about 3 feet shorter than both of them. Ben gets this crazy look in his eye, “You sure?” heh,

SK: (As Ben): Because I will cut him for you!

Nina: I will kill that bitch!

Ben takes his leave and Brian starts in, “Well Mikey, congratulations!” I’m sure Michael has an idea what’s going on, but he’s playing dumb, “for what?” Brian tells him he won and Michael insists he doesn’t know what Brian is talking about. “Of course you don’t, no one plays dewy eyed innocent better than you, of course at 34 you’re getting a little long in the tooth for short pants.” We all know Michael’s patience is lacking anyway and he starts to speak his mind, “Speaking of out growing your act. Nothing’s more pathetic, to use one of your favorite words, then an over the hill club boy!”

“You infected him,” Brian cries, “with your petty bourgeois, mediocre, conformist, assimilationist life. Thanks to you he’s got visions, of babies weddings, white picket fences dancing in his blonde little head!” Brian insists that before MiBen got married that Justin was perfectly happy. I guess that’s why they broke up about four times before that. I think what Brian means is that he was just finally getting Justin house trained and then MiBen’s romance resurfaced past feelings. “Now he’s a defector!”

Michael was about to make some coffee, but Brian’s behavior can rile up even the best host, “He was never perfectly happy! Waiting for years for you to say I love you, you’re the only one I want!” Brian puts on his Captian Obvious hat he got in his McExposition happy meal and says, “that’s not who I am.” Michael knocks the hat off, “Don’t we all know!” Brian says that now Justin’s in their house and Michael interjects that it’s a home, causing Brian to say it’s a farce and freak show. Michael is finally fed up, “Call it what you want, I honestly don’t care, but he didn’t leave because I infected him. He left because of you. Who wouldn’t?!

Nina: Ooh, damn!

SK: I know!

Jerrod: I kind of want Brian to just deck Michael, not because he deserves it-

SK: But just to relieve some of the tension?

Jerrod: Yeah.

SK: Poor Mikey and Brian. You know those are my boys and I hate that this show is putting such a crutch in between them. They better get back together before the end is all I have to say.

Jerrod: Or else what? What are you going to do?

SK: I’ll take my frustrations out on you! (That shuts him up, heh)


Dinner With The Zagerman’s: An Act in Two Parts
Part Three: Differences and Disappointments
Lindsay is getting ready for bed and her mother is saying good night. “Did you enjoy dinner?” Lindsay says it was delicious. Ma Peterson says the Zagerman’s couldn’t stop raving about how wonderful Lindsay looked, “Steven’s quite charming don’t you think?” Oh she is good! Ma’s about to leave but Lindsay calls her back. “Mom, why did you invite him here tonight?” Her mother looks cool as a cucumber, “He’s your father’s associate, we’ve been meaning to have him over and I thought you might like having someone to talk to.” Linds clarifies that she liked him, but not in that way, “I’m a lesbian, Mother.” Her mother looks a little taken back, “I thought that was all over with?” Linds says, “All over with?” and her mom answers, “Yes, your sister told me you were with a man.” Ha! That cracks me up because only moms can get away with completely busting out their kids. Linds doesn’t see the humor in it and calls her sister a cunt, “That happened once and it was a mistake.”

Ma Peterson asks, “Why was it a mistake? Perhaps if you’d given it more time..” I actually liked that she said that because it kind of illustrates this trap that gay can never get out of. If straight people have gay sex they can call it experimenting or whatever, but if you’re gay and have hetero sex they you really didn’t want to be gay, it was just a phase. It reminds me of that movie Bedrooms and Hallways (with an always excellent Hugo Weaving aka Mr. Smith) where his friends were like, “You want to sleep with a girl, are you really straight?” It’s just something (the only thing?) that interested me about this scene. Ma Peterson says that maybe Lindsay would finally be able to have a mature relationship. Isn’t Lindsay like 35 years old? Meaning, what consists a mature relationship to Ma, is it just between a man and woman? Lindsay says she’s had a mature relationship. Ma says, “With that person?”
“Melanie Mother, not that person. And she was my partner for ten years and that’s a hell of a lot longer than any of the three weddings my darling sister has had. We have two children together. I can’t believe I still have to go through this with you.” Neither can I babe, and not just because of the content, but because generally speaking, Lindsay is a grown ass woman! Ma Peterson doesn’t take this news well, “I’m sorry dear, it’s just not the same, it isn’t. When I heard about your relations with a man, I was hoping…” Linds finishes for her, “that I’d be the daughter you’d always dreamt of? Well I’m not mom, and I never will be, so if that’ s why you asked me to come live here, then I’m afraid I’ve disappointed you once again.” Poor Linds, I’m glad she finally stood up for herself, but standing up to your parents always sucks.


Taking Out the Trash: Babylon Style!
Brian reenters club and is still pissed and drunk. He sees Brandon getting a blowjob in the middle of the club and that just doesn’t seem sanitary. I don’t know, I just may be a little prude like that. Brian doesn’t like it either and calls over Awesome Bouncer, “What’s up Boss?” he dutifully asks. Brian asks if he sees what’s happening on the floor and Awesome Bouncer says he couldn’t miss it. Brian asks what Awesome Bouncer’s going to do about it, but Bouncer says that Brandon’s hot, “He attracts guys, sells drinks.” Brian doesn’t care about this, he tells Awesome Bouncer to let Brandon know that he can take that crap to the back room. Awesome Bouncer is about to take his leave but Brian pulls him back, “Tell him he’s barred from the club permanently.” Awesome Bouncers a little sad to hear this and begins to plead with Brian, but Brian’s not in an agreeable mood. Bouncer goes over to Brandon and tells him to leave. Brandon looks mad, but Brian raises a drink to him and waves goodbye. Heh, that was kinda funny.


Previous Page

Next Page

Life of Brian: QAF Recap 507 06-26-05 Page 10

A Lesson In Standards
by StickyKeys Queer As Folk Episode 507 Aired 06-26-05


I’m Livin’ and Learning, but What Does That Have to Do With Me?
Ben is sitting crosslegged in a chair in front of his class. I love a man that can pull off crossed legs!

Jerrod: So you love a man in crossed legs and eyeliner?

Nina: Sticky are you gay? Is that what you’re trying to tell us?

SK: It’s weird because I can’t stand drag queens.

Jerrod: What woman would you go gay for?

SK: Jonathan Rhys-Meyers.

“In a recent Hollywood movie.. about the Trojan War (coughTroycough) there was a very small but significant alteration from the legend as accounted by Homer in the Iliad. Achilles didn’t go to war because the Greeks killed Petrocolus (which is pronounced a little oddly, like he wasn’t sure if it was right) his cousin, he went to battle because they killed Petrocolus his lover.” You know the first time I ever learned the true story of Petrocolus and Achilles was through claymation in a Boy’s Life, or Boys' Shorts series. Changed my life and gave me what I think was my very first shipping couple. Shut up, it was cute at the time. No really, it was. Some bratty Juliette Lewis wannabe chick says, “Excuse me Professor, (like) but what difference does it make if (like) they change some old legend like, huh, what else is new?” Ben expands and says, “Because that old legend was re-written, to omit a very important truth, that the homophobia which infects our culture didn’t always exist.” Well it existed here, just not in certain other parts of Europe, but then again neither did morals, lack of diseases, and not having slavery, but I get where he’s going. “There were once great and powerful cultures in which the emotional and sexual love between two men was accepted, even among warriors.” I would love Ben’s class, but apparently he has a class full of HATERS. Asian LisaLoebGlasses Hater says, “yeah good for them, but what about us?” Ben gives this priceless, WTF? Expression. Blonde Anglo-Saxon Hater says, “While we’re talking about the Trojan War they’re trying to take our rights away!” I love how only gay people take the gay studies class taught by a gay professor.

Secondly, where is this taking place? I’m convinced that Ben teaches class at the Pittsboronto Learning Annex off of 74th because there’s no way a real professor would allow this crap in their class. I understand them wanting to vent, but that’s what the student union is for, you discuss that after class! Ben of course is more lenient, “I understand your concern, but right now, we’re here to discuss gay imagery in mythology and history.” You know the other reason I believe that Ben is just a sub or TA or something is that he has no idea how to run a class. There are so many parallels you could draw between the Grecian imagery system being sanitized and proposition 14, but Ben isn’t even trying to bring the two together! Whatever unemployed Ben! Whatever Hater Students!

Asian LLG Hater says, “If proposition 14 passes, pretty soon we’ll be history.” Sigh. They compound the offense by talking amongst themselves about the meeting to be held at the center that night. I know this was supposed to be Ben’s turning point scene, but I think I would have enjoyed it if Ben ended up working it into his lesson and then coming to a realization through that. It at least would have been more realistic.

Tara: After the War… Way After
Justin and Jennifer are in the loft that time and decency forgot. Even Jen notices it’s grossness, “What a dump!” Indeed, this place is fuglier than Brandon. It has potential, but would cost way too much in real life and you know it’s crawling with vermin. Justin laughs, but Jen fails to see what’s so funny. Justin gives a little flip of his scarf, “You do a fabulous Bette Davis, or is it Elizabeth Taylor doing a fabulous Bette Davis?” I don’t really care, but I do notive that this is a show of a thousand jackets. Everyone in this show has about five or six different jackets and that’s per season. No wonder they all need crazy tight walk-in closets! Jen insists she’s not doing a fabulous anybody, “all I know is this is a disgusting place, and you’re not living here.” Of course Justin loves it. Jen asks if he’s crazy and Justin says if he is then it’s Jen and Craig’s fault. Jen says the loft isn’t good enough, “It’s tiny, it smells like something you’d never want to meet died here, and you have to share a bathroom down the hall with god knows who? Crack heads? Not to mention you can’t go out into the street after dark!” I love how to accentuate the squalid surrounding, the props crew randomly placed an oscillating fan in the middle of the room.

SK: I’m sorry, they have a communal toilet?

Jerrod: Aw hells naw.

Nina: It’s just like at the university.

SK: I’m thinking those bathrooms are just a tad below code.

Justin is quick to point out all the “good things about the apartment, “On the other hand I can afford it. It’s got great light, and best of all it’s my own place.” Yeah, I’m going to need him to get better standards. Jennifer laments ever giving birth to an artist and Justin says Van Goh’s mother was a washer woman. They have a bit of really dumb debate about this, but it essentially leads to Jen’s real lament which is that Justin had to move out of Brian’s awesome loft. Justin reminds Jen that she wasn’t too thrilled when Justin moved into those conditions. I think that was mostly due to the fact it was her 18 year old son moving in with his 31 year old boyfriend, but I could be splitting hairs. Jen agrees but adds, “I just wish that- I can’t believe I’m actually saying this- that you and he could have managed to somehow work things out.” Right. I’m going to give Jen a big whatever because if Justin had found another richster Jen would be picking out the color scheme for her visiting room. Justin wishes they were together too, and Jen says, “It’s not as if he repeatedly and sustematically lied to you or abused you or mistreated you like your father did to me.” That is the most hateful thing I’ve ever heard. Because Jen and Craig didn’t have too many problems until Justin’s whole thing happened, and Brian wasn’t all that great to Justin. In my comments for this week’s recaplet, Mike posted a quote from an article where Randy said he would never be Justin in real life because Justin’s someone who (among other things) has been “systematically and repeatedly betrayed, lied to, condescended to, and humilated by his boyfriend for four years?” and before all of the Brian lovers start in with the “but Brian never lied!” we must remember that while Brian never “lied” to Justin he has repeatedly manipulated him to get what he wants. In my book that’s almost as bad except it makes both parties look like jerks.

Justin says that of course Brian never did those things and I took that to be a slight dig at Jennifer, kind of like,”I never would let him do that!”, but I think way too far into these things. “He saved my life, he took care of me he gave me everything, it’s just that we each wanted different things.” I think it’s also important to mention that everything Justin has mentioned has been material, and what Justin wanted was more emotional. Jen finds some seasoned salt on the floor and decides to use that to rub into Justin’s wound, “and neither of you is willing to change?” Whatever Jennifer, because really Justin is in the right here. Why is love a negotiable aspect in a relationship? Justin agrees with me, “That’s not love, that’s sacrifice.” And I’m with him to a point, but love is sacrifice. The thing is that you both have to give so you can both take and remain equal. Will those crazy kids ever learn?


MeLinds, Together Again, but Still Separately
“He fell asleep the second his head hit the pillow.” Linds says of Gus. Mel says he’s happy to be back in his own room in his own bed. Mel looks great and is on the couch going through various journals and magazines. She says she’s trying to catch up on the world she missed while she wasn’t working or looking after the kids. Linds tells Mel that she can say I told you so if she wants, but Mel promises those words will never cross her lips. “Why not?” LInds asks, “You were right, no matter what you know up here (points to her head), you hope against hope in here (puts fist on heart) that your parents will at least love you unconditionally.” Mel nods knowingly and promises that they’ll try to do better by their kids.
glad to be back in his own room, in his own bed

Linds goes to put on her coat and Mel asks where she’s going. Linds says she’s going to find a hotel for the night, but Mel, in a very nice gesture, tells her to take off her coat because she’s staying there. Linds asks if that’s a good idea, but Mel doesn’t care and says that Linds is staying there anyway. “I’ll make us some tea and grilled cheese and we’ll figure something out.”

SK: What’s that smell?

Jerrod: Could it be RECONCILLIATION!? (Heh, he knows me so well.)

Of course the cheese sandwich and tea thing killed me and my Kings of Comedy freaks. See it, when you get to that part you will die of laughter!


Previous Page

Next Page

Life of Brian: QAF Recap 507 06-26-05 Page 11

A Lesson In Standards
by StickyKeys Queer As Folk Episode 507 Aired 06-26-05


Sloppy Seconds Are Just Firsts That Were Humble!
Ted and Emmett are at Woody’s drinking as Brian comes up and orders another beer. Emmett adds a Cosmo and a Diet Pepsi to the order all on him. When Brian asks what the occasion is, Emmett informs him that they’re celebrating, “Teddy finally put that prick Troy in his proper place.” Ted is trying to look proud, but failing miserably. Brian asks if Troy’s proper place is up a tight butt hole, but Em says it’s out on his ass. Brian raises his beer and says, “Congrats Theodore, it’s a rare man who’d rather get even then get laid.” They clink bottles and Brian walks off.

Emmett cracks me up because he knows he kind of messed up so he’s trying to make light of the situation, “Just out of curiosity, how great was he?” Ted says Troy was beyond great, “Amazing, the best.” Does Ted remember that he and Emmett have dated and had sex, does Emmett? Does anyone remember that?

Nina: I don’t remember that. (Nina’s a sporadic watcher).

Jerrod: I prefer not to remember.

Emmett kind of raises his eyebrows and says, “You wouldn’t happen to still have his phone number?” He doesn’t really finish his sentence, just kind of slinks off. It’s completely cute and completely Emmett so of course he is forgiven for any wrong doing. Even Ted shakes his head and smiles.


Those Chickens is Ash and I’m Lotion
Brian is playing pool and about to hit a ball until someone grabs his pool cue. It ends up being Brandon and I see I was completely wrong about Brand’s jacket, it is totally wicked awesome!

Nina: Wicked awesome?

SK: That’s the only way to describe it.

Jerrod: Indeed.

Nina: Wicked A!

The front is black and it does have the red and white line, but the shoulders are blue and there are red accents on the shoulders, and sides.
“What the fuck is your problem?” Brandon asks, “Your hand’s on my stick.” Heh, oh QAF writers of double entendre excellence, you never fail to amuse me. Brandon wants to know why Brian barred him from his club and Brian correctly ascertains that he did it, “Because I can.” Alrighty then. He goes on to say that getting sucked off on the dance floor is a very serious offense. I’m sure it’s right up there with grand theft pajama. Brandon says it’s serious, “Except when it’s you.” Brian points out that it’s one of the many benefits of membership, but Brandon has another theory, “I think you threw me out because your afraid that I’ll get the hottest guy.” Brian informs Brandon (and God I hate that name in this context) that he is the hottest guy. I’m sure Ben would beg to differ… but only slightly, I still love you BriBri! Brandon says that Brian’s reign is coming to an end,

“You mean, were.”
“Since when?”
“Since now. Even the mightiest man must one day fall. The kind is assassinated, the lion is torn to shreds.” Brian stops Brandon with a disgusted look, “Oh Lord please spare us from wearisome clichés!” Ha! That’s hilarious because as Demian at Moldy’s boards correctly pointed out, “without those clichés, this series never would have made it through its first season, much less make it through FIVE of them." Ha! It’s funny because it’s true. I think Brian knows it’s true and knows that he spews a lot of crap, but I think he’s disillusioned in that he thinks in someway he’s clowning the system by using it against himself. Really he’s just being a pompous jerk, but he doesn’t have to know that just yet, then we’d stop getting awesomely bad scenes like this!

“Listen. Twerp (HAHA!), you think you get to be the best by just showing up and announcing you are? You have to prove it first.” Brandon thought he already had which leaves Brian questioning, “by picking off a couple of twinks before I got to them? You’re going to have to do better than that.” Brandon devises his own test, “Then how about we pick, say the 10 hottest guys we can find,” Brian finishes for him, “and the one who fucks them all first wins?” I thought he was a little disgusted by the whole thing until Brandon continues, “you know the game.” Brian does indeed, “I also know the outcome.” Brandon smiles a little and says, “I admire your confidence, but they say every star burns it’s brightest (Brian leans in like, huh?) just before it burns out.”
“Oooohhhhh!” Heh, I’m loving Brian in this scene. I must admit that I thought they would try to punk Brian with this Brandon crap, but so far so good. If Brandon wins he gets to go to the club. Yeah, so he sleeps with 10 men so he can dance.

Nina: What? That’s some bullshit, can I at least get a free drink?

Jerrod: Don’t forget you would also get pride.

Nina: Fuck pride, I want some Cris!

If Brian wins he gets into Brandon. He says it in this great DUH! way that cracks me up. I’m telling you Brian, the cleaning bill of all the grease out of your sheets is so not worth it.

The funniest thing about this is that it’s so much like Hercules and I wonder if that’s intentional? Brian is Zeus and Brandon is Hercules trying to be a god so he does all of these trials so he can become a deity. It’s an interesting parallel, but only if it’s the Disney version and includes dancing and singing.


Previous Page

Next Page

Life of Brian: QAF Recap 507 06-26-05 Page 12

A Lesson In Standards
by StickyKeys Queer As Folk Episode 507 Aired 06-26-05


Carrying The Banner!
We are at the LGBT center and boy do these people know how to have a meeting! Every time they have one it’s filled to the brim. Like the Save-a-Soul mission on the night of Nathan’s big crap game, and look, Black People! One of them looks like Lamar Latrell from Revenge of the Nerds so maybe we will get that funky “No On 14!” theme song I’ve been jonesin’ for; I got my keyboard guitar ready boys! Michael comes in and Deb waves him over saying she saved seats. Emmett says hello and asks where Ben is. Michael makes up an excuse and says that Ben had other things to do, “What’s more important that this?” Deb asks. I could have asked her the same thing, she’s only saying this because there’s no new gossip on the JustBri front. Michael thankfully doesn’t get to answer as a chick named Tannis (rhymes with Janice) starts the meeting.

“Here to help us is one of the organizers of Stop Prop, 14 Congresswoman Beth Edelstein. You know if Torontosburg is so “homo-ineffectual”, how did she get elected? Beth takes her place at the front of the room and begins, “As you know our rights as full and equal citizens of the US are being threatened (and she’s lesbian? what?), not by outside forces or terrorists, but by our own government, by religious leaders and their effort to strip us of our humanity. They claim that God is on their side.” Poor God, He must hate being misrepresented, especially by a show like QAF. “And by other Americans acting out of hate and ignorance.” They’ve started passing around a sign up sheet to get names of volunteers. “We have got to stop them, but it’s not going to be easy. ‘Vote to save America’, can you believe that that’s what their calling themselves, has many supporters and is well funded.” Ben comes in and asks if he can sign up, he’s so pretty. “That’s why we’re going to need the help of everyone in this room as well as your family and your friends to donate as much time and money as you can.” Could they start a petition to annul the other petition, or at least counter the law if it ever gets made and put on the ballot? I know when Lincoln out their smoking ban into place, there was a vote for the total ban, and a vote for the partial ban. The total ban won out, but at least the option was there. Also, what exactly is the money going towards? If they need supplies couldn’t they be donated? Unless it’s to pay petitioners who are ruthlessly uncouth and liars (I was one briefly) in which they could just use volunteers. Do I have to ‘whatever!’ a congresswoman? “Volunteer to serve on various committees make calls canvass neighborhoods, sign up and fight as if your future depends on it, because it does.”

The meeting ends and Ted, Em, Deb, and Justin all discuss outside. Deb asks, “Whoever though it’d come to this huh? Fighting for our lives.” I wonder about her use of the word, “our”, but I think they were going for more of a sentiment thing. Emmett says, “Well, it’s what we always had to do,” and Ted says that this time they’ll just have to do it harder. Optimist, down for the cause Justin is in full force and proclaims himself to be up for it. Everyone else agrees that they are too and they all give Justin a little kissy goodbye. Ted’s kiss is a little timid and it cracks me up because I always think of this awesome banner goldenhera made that says Ted + Justin = Money grubbing, man whoring love from the Scott and Peter extra interview.

Ben and Michael come out and Michael says he’s glad Ben changed his mind. When asked why, Ben replies, “With his eyes fixed firmly in the past he failed to see the future, so by the present he was destroyed.” Michael breaks it down for us like were two year olds and says, “I guess you’re trying to tell me that if you didn’t do anything and we lost you’d never forgive yourself?” Ben thinks Michael’s got it and I’m very surprised that they didn’t start making out because it would be such a MiBen thing to do.


Ain’t No Sunshine When He’s Gone
Brian is wearing his fabulous black wool pea coat, and walking down the street where he runs into Justin,
“Hey.”
“Hey.” Was this where they first saw each other? I don’t think so, but it would have been a nice little throw back.
“How was the meeting?” Brian asks pointing out Justin’s abnormally huge Stop Prop 14 button.
“You should have been there.” Brian shakes his head,
“I’m not Rage, saving Gayolopis isn’t my thing.” Which is true, Brian’s thing is more like spending $100,000 under the pseudonym “Citizens for Change”, and almost having to declare bankruptcy to save Gayopolis.
“You doing okay?” Brian asks,
“Yeah I’m fine, and you?”
“Likewise, thanks for asking.” I love this scene because there’s so much that could be said between the lines that’s not. It’s a very sweet very awkward moment. After a beat Justin says,
“Well, I guess I better get going.”
“Me too, take care of yourself.”
“You too.”
“Okay see ya.”
“See ya.”

Jerrod: Wow, how embarrassingly awkward.

Nina: I know, that’s why I moved to DC, so I don’t have to run into ex-boyfriends.

Jerrod: I have one ex like that. I thought he was the one and I fucked it up, now every time I see him is just weird.

SK: How old are you? How have you managed to have this lifetime of experiences?

Jerrod: I put out at an early age.

We end with the suckiest version of You are My Sunshine I’ve ever heard. I’m not going to do the Next On because it’s so spoilerish and weird and doesn’t make sense for them to show what they do. The only thing I can say is, Ben smoking? I’ll talk about it at the beginning of the next recap.

Until next week, have fun kiddies!!


Ps. Next week I’m going on VACATION! So, if I get to watch the ep on Sunday, I’ll post the recaplet on Monday. Otherwise expect it Thursday and the recap by that Sunday.


Previous Page

Don't Forget to Leave a Comment!